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victoria secret fashion show 1 Pictures, Images and Photos

An Angel? Or Gumby with wings?

I know, I know. You don’t believe me, I barely believe me, but it’s true. I was watching TV with a friend, Sara, last week and a commercial for Victoria Secret came on. “You know,” Sara said, “Those women make me feel really bad about my body.” I was shocked. Not shocked that she “had a moment” because we all have those moments. Sometimes I see a beautiful woman and I’m like, “well, I might as well shoot myself in the face cuz obvs, there is no point in trying.”

Sara is beautiful, with long straight blonde hair that flows to her waist and at 5’5” she is only a size two. I’m not saying she looks anything like those Victoria Secret models, but if one of us was going to feel like crap, it should have been me. Not her.

But it’s not. Wanna know why? I don’t think those bitches are that attractive. I don’t want to look like them and I would never have sex with any of them. Yes, obviously I’m wrong. I can’t be right because men & other lesbians drool over them and straight women want to look like them. Still, I think they look like Gumby. Remember? The little claymation or whatever it was green guy and he had an orange horse friend. I think his name was Pokey. Yeah, they look like that. Their torsos are long and thin and their thighs are miles away from touching and they look like they have softballs sewn onto their tiny childlike chests. That’s not my type.

Don’t get me started on their faces. Okay, you got me started. They look exactly the same! They all have high cheekbones that could slice your thighs into ribbons (ahem, were their faces to ever be near that area). They are covered in make-up (or painted three inches thick, if you are an embittered prince who’s uncle killed his father and married his mother) and they are all white. If they aren’t white, they are airbrushed until they have Caucasian skin coloring and just a hint of their ethnic features. Leading us back to the beginning of this rant, they all look the same! Why don’t they just get one model and play with her face on photoshop? They would save a lot of dough. (Call me Vicki Sec’s, I’m totes available for consultation work)

Snark Break: a few years ago one of the models died of a heart attack related to anorexia. She stopped eating to keep her job and it cost her the rest of her life. That’s not funny and it’s certainly not sexy.

I know this isn’t the first rant about models and society’s obsession with thinness. But the fact that my gorgeous friend would feel less gorgeous because of these women makes me sad and angry. They shouldn’t be held up as an ideal and we can all start making that change by changing ourselves. If we don’t respond to these images, they can’t hurt us and maybe **gasp** they will go away.