Have you ever been out dancing with your girls, maybe grinding up on a hot lady and a song comes on that has a hot beat so your shaking what yo momma gave ya and then all of a sudden… BAM. The ‘singer,’ yes I do use that term loosely, sings something so funny, you break out laughing like an idiot? Ok, maybe that’s just me. But I bet some of you crack a smile when you are listening to those dumb lyrics. So, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite, “Did he really just sing that? Did you hear that too?” moments.
7. Lay it Down- Lloyd Featuring R. Kelly & Jeezy
R. Kelly: And I ain’t got no rhyme for the next part/I ain’t got no rhyme for the next part/But that’s okay because this is the remix
This is R Kelly’s first appearance on the list (he will be back, don’t worry).
Look Kelly (R?), it’s not okay because this is the remix. There need to be words to a song to make it a song. That’s what a song is. This is just so ridiculously lazy that I love it.
6. Ludacris- How Low Can You Go
Lower than yo’ momma ever seen it in her lifetime/ Never would’ve imagined did not even in her right mind
Excuse me Mr. Luda, but you have NO idea how low my momma has seen people go in her lifetime and I resent the implication that she has not. Judging from the pictures of her from the 70s in Lucite heels and a pink plastic mini-dress, I would say she’s seen people get low, sir. I bid you good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.
5. Missy Elliot- Backwards
Boys, boys all types of boys, black, white, Puerto Rican, Chinese boys
It’s funny cuz she’s gay. In my head, what she’s really saying is: Bois, bois all types of bois, black, white, Puerto Rican, but not bio boys. There, now the song makes sense. Yay.
4. R. Kelly- Echo
I called your boss and he knows you ain’t comin in today (Sex in the morning sex all day)
Okay, first, how did R. Kelly get your boss’s phone number? Can you imagine if R. Kelly called your boss and told him you weren’t coming in? Like, “Oh, Hi Mr. Kelly, I can’t believe you are calling me, I…she won’t be in? Why?… Ooooh, sex all day? You say… Ok, I understand… Actually, I’m on the Viagra now, so I really don’t think it would be a good idea. You crazy kids have fun and be safe, you know what Kanye says about 18 years.”
My last boss’s ring tone was ‘Blame it on the Alcohol’ by TI. So I’m pretty sure she would have been down with me taking off to bang R. Kelly, I think I’m too old for him though.
3. Omarion- Ice Box
I got this ice box where my heart used to be/ I’m so cold/ I’m so cold/I’m so cold
I love when this song is played in a hot, sweaty club where all the women are gyrating together and screaming about how cold they are. If you are so cold why is your back-sweat getting all over me? Which I guess tells you something about the way I dance.
2. Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins- Miss New Booty
I found you, Miss New Booty
Sometimes I pick up the phone and someone is singing into it, “I found you, Miss New Booty.” That would be my sister. We were rockin the big booties when J-Lo made it popular, thank goodness for that.
As my sister and I were listening to the song, Miss New Booty, she said, “Can you imagine if some guy said that you, like Oh, wow, I found you Miss. New Booty, that booty is so new.” And a running family joke was born. So Miss New Booty has a place near and dear to my heart.
1. R. Kelly- Trapped in the Closet
God please, don’t let this man open this closet/He walks up to the closet/He goes up to the closet/Now he’s at the closet/Damn he’s opening the closet…
No, this isn’t a song about closeted gays coming out. This song is one of a series, yes a series, about a man (Kelly) who is ‘bangin a ho,’ I believe is the correct terminology, who has a live in boyfriend. When the boyfriend comes home, she tells Kelly to hide in the closet. The girl is all nice to her bf and he doesn’t suspect anything, but then Kelly’s phone rings and he is caught hiding in the closet. That my friends, is where the story really begins, but where the song ends.
If you are dying to know how this operatic saga continues, well Kelly escapes out the window and they have a chase reminiscent of Harrison Ford in The Fugitive. Guns are involved as well as the police and Brother Twan. Someone gets shot, I think the live in boyfriend but honestly, it’s hard to keep the characters of this melodrama straight. Also, the girl was lying about her real name the whole time. So that makes it worse. Either way, I die every time I hear this song and I hope you do too!