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It’s so hard to tell if a girl plays for your team or not, especially when it comes to the workplace. Should you ask her out even if you aren’t sure of her sexuality? Read more to find out!

Ask me a question, I promise to think reeeal hard about it!

Dear Femme,

I’m trying to ask out a girl, who is also the program assistant for my professional training program, but I can’t gauge her sexuality to save me. She talks flirtatiously with me, the only times I’ve ever seen her smile is when she sees me, I joke around with her plenty, etc., but today I tried to invite her out for drinks to return the favor for storing a small box with my stuff for me. But she declined on the basis that I had to stop thanking her for holding my stuff. Even though the training coordinators said they couldn’t hold all 16 of my classmates’ boxes.

Have I completely lost my chance? What do you think?

Lost in Translation

Ps. I’m moving to Europe for work at the end of August. We’ll still be colleagues, but she’ll be in the US.


Hi LiT,

Thanks for writing in! I’m going to tell you to forget trying to figure out if this chick is queer or not. Just go for it and ask her out. She might have declined drinks because she thought you only wanted to take her out because she did you a favor, not because you liked her. My guess is that she wants you to hang out with her because you WANT to, not because she did you a favor. You might have thought that was a thinly veiled excuse, she might have really bought it.

She obviously likes you, at least as a person if she’s straight, so you haven’t lost your chance. Come clean and let her know you want to go for drinks with her because you want to get to know her better. Something along the lines of, “We have so much fun at work, I want to get to know you better.” If she’s gay and there are sparks, you will know. If she’s straight, you will at least have made a new drinking buddy.

There is also a chance that she doesn’t want to get involved with you because you are colleagues. That can be a sticky situation, so you need to be prepared to be shot down. However, since you are also leaving the country in a few weeks you won’t have to face her every day for months if she shoots you down! You have nothing to lose, LiT, so go for the gold!

Let me know how it goes!


The Femme

Want some advice? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com or message me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/natasiarose