90's, childhood, femme, gay, jessie spano, kelly kapowski, kids, late bloomer, lesbians, LGBT, lisa turtle, nostalgia, Queer, saved by the bell, screech, Sex, slater, Stereotypes, tiffany amber theissen, TV, zach morris
Do you guys want to know something really embarrassing? Like…really embarrassing? Cuuuuuzz. I’ll put it out there, if you want me too. Technically, I “realized” I was queer at 20 and started coming out when I was 21. BUT. I should have known I was gay when I was 9. Why?…because I was in love with Kelly Kapowski.
The year was 1993 and Saved by the Bell was huge. All the girls in your elementary school class could be divided into two groups: Girls Who Like Zach and Girls Who Like Slater. I didn’t like either. I internally labeled myself a “late bloomer” and just agreed with whoever was asking me.
“Who do you like?”
“Umm you tell me first, then I’ll tell you.”
I thought I was pretty sneaky but I don’t think I ever completely fooled anyone.
I would close my eyes and try to imagine kissing skinny blond Zach. Okay, that didn’t work. So I would close my eyes and try to imagine kissing burly, muscle-y Slater. So while the other little girls in my school would dream about the hunks of Saved by the Bell…I thought about Kelly.
Let me set the scene. It’s winter and Kelly and I stay after school to finish a project. But we don’t realize how late it’s getting. Oh no! We accidentally get trapped in the classroom and there’s no one else in the building! Oh no! And it’s getting cold because the head is turned off! What should we do? Cuddle to stay warm of course. And then umm…I have to kiss her because she’s scared. Cuz I’m a chivalrous femme like that. So yeah, maaaybbeee not such a late bloomer.
There it is. The universe put a pretty brunette with a high-waist jeans/suspenders combo in front of my face and screamed “YOU LIKE THIS” and I still didn’t get it.
Even then I felt guilty for liking the most vapid cast member. I should have liked the feminist “don’t call me a chick, chick” Jessie Spano or at least the shrewd, if materialistic, Lisa Turtle. Instead I went for the vapid pretty chick.
Eek. So embarrassing.