Tags
90's, childhood, femme, gay, jessie spano, kelly kapowski, kids, late bloomer, lesbians, LGBT, lisa turtle, nostalgia, Queer, saved by the bell, screech, Sex, slater, Stereotypes, tiffany amber theissen, TV, zach morris
Please don't judge me
Do you guys want to know something really embarrassing? Like…really embarrassing? Cuuuuuzz. I’ll put it out there, if you want me too. Technically, I “realized” I was queer at 20 and started coming out when I was 21. BUT. I should have known I was gay when I was 9. Why?…because I was in love with Kelly Kapowski.
I'm majorly, butt crazy in love with Kelly!
The year was 1993 and Saved by the Bell was huge. All the girls in your elementary school class could be divided into two groups: Girls Who Like Zach and Girls Who Like Slater. I didn’t like either. I internally labeled myself a “late bloomer” and just agreed with whoever was asking me.
“Who do you like?”
“Umm you tell me first, then I’ll tell you.”
I thought I was pretty sneaky but I don’t think I ever completely fooled anyone.
I would close my eyes and try to imagine kissing skinny blond Zach. Okay, that didn’t work. So I would close my eyes and try to imagine kissing burly, muscle-y Slater. So while the other little girls in my school would dream about the hunks of Saved by the Bell…I thought about Kelly.
Let me set the scene. It’s winter and Kelly and I stay after school to finish a project. But we don’t realize how late it’s getting. Oh no! We accidentally get trapped in the classroom and there’s no one else in the building! Oh no! And it’s getting cold because the head is turned off! What should we do? Cuddle to stay warm of course. And then umm…I have to kiss her because she’s scared. Cuz I’m a chivalrous femme like that. So yeah, maaaybbeee not such a late bloomer.
"The 90's" aka "The Golden Age of Fashion"
There it is. The universe put a pretty brunette with a high-waist jeans/suspenders combo in front of my face and screamed “YOU LIKE THIS” and I still didn’t get it.
Even then I felt guilty for liking the most vapid cast member. I should have liked the feminist “don’t call me a chick, chick” Jessie Spano or at least the shrewd, if materialistic, Lisa Turtle. Instead I went for the vapid pretty chick.
Eek. So embarrassing.
Hot Femme in the City 
Hmmm. I’m noticing a focus to your blog. =) You should consider altering the appearance of your blog to suit your focus, and make it stand out more. Your writing is deserving of more attention than it is getting.
I just wanted to say that I found this post very amusing. Frankly, if I were in charge of Freshly Pressed, I would have this post on the feature page, because I think plenty of other people would get a kick out of it.
~I never watched the show, but I remember the actress because she was so popular for a while. I saw her in something recently and she seems to have aged well.
I see that you have an advice feature, and I think that is very nice. I know that there are young LGBT people who really need that kind of support. All the more reason to expand your readership, right?
Best wishes.
Tiffany has aged great!
I am def going to think about how to switch up the appearance to my blog. Where can I go to nominate you to be in charge of Freshly Pressed? :-p
Always go for the vapid pretty chick, I say. You done good. Now you’re the pretty chick, but not vapid at all. Loved this!
Thanks! Although “pretty” and “vapid” are always up for interpretation. 🙂
I was totes in love with Tori. Who remembers her? But I still had a poster of Zak and Slater above my bed..
Ah, I wanted more to this post!
I wanted to be Tori, I think I still do. The actress who played her is out of the closet now. :-p
I used to kiss my posters of Alicia Silverstone. Ha!
That’s so cute! She’s gorg. I would sooo go vegan for her.
Eek! Suspenders! No one should feel guilty for liking a girl in suspenders!
In Jr. High I made up a crush on a boy (he had cool hair!) to fit in w/my friends when they talked about their crushes. But my crushes were a little closer to home lol!
I like your quirky, humorous way of expression. Its amusing, and very entertaining. Definitely enjoyed reading it. (:
Argh, I can totally relate too. I never had these crushes on male celebrities. I just went along with the popular opinion of my peers.
Oh and we all go for the vapid, pretty chick once in a while. At least celebrity wise. xP
Thanks! That’s such a lovely compliment. I’m glad you can relate and that it’s ok to pick the pretty vapid chick once in awhile 😉