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bars, bisexual, bribes, Dating, drinking, femme, friends, girls, in the club, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, NYC, Queer, relationships, Sex, wingman, wingmen
This is HER. She's worth the trouble.
So you are a happy single lady at a dyke bar, getting your drank on with some friends and kicking back. Then…you see HER. She’s exactly your type and deep down in your beer soaked heart, you know SHE could be the ONE…that you go home with. The only problem? She’s surrounded by friends on all sides and you have no idea how to get to her.
This is a serious problem that plagues dyke bars nationwide. It’s happened to all of us at one point and chances are your own buddies have done some unintentional lady-love blocking too. Let’s break this down together so we can stop the cycle.
You will need a strategy. Do NOT push through her circle of friends to get to her. Pushing her friends will make them mad. They will think you are a tool and you will not be granted access to HER. In fact, you might even get a beat down. Here are some better strategies.
Wingman Swarm
Wingmen exist specifically for situations like this. Have your group of friends descend upon hers. Have one buddy chat up the girl to HER left and one take the girl to HER right, leaving the center wide open. If you are a sportier dyke than I am, free free to insert some kind of sports reference in here, I don’t know any.
Discuss who is going to approach who beforehand, so no one gets hurt while SWARM-ing
The theory behind the wingman approach is that if HER friends feel sexy and are having a good time chatting up your buddies, they won’t be as protective of their other friends as they would be if they were bored. If everyone is being flirted with, everyone is happy. The drawback to this approach is if her friends aren’t cute, you will owe your wingmen beers. This can get costly.
Get With HER Friends
I can’t remember if it was Lord Byron or the Spice Girls who said “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” Either way, it was said and it’s true. If you start by chatting up a girl on the edge of the group in a friendly, not a flirty way you can get into the inner sanctum. Start with a compliment, i.e. “I love your wallet chain!” and move to “So how do you all know each other?” Then grab another girl in from the group, “Jane says you all met in your women’s studies class. Queers in a women’s study class? No way!” Once these two girls like you, they will introduce you to some of the others and when you slyly buy HER a drink, no one will object.
The best part of this approach is that even if you strike out romantically, you will still meet a lot of cool women. You might also uncover a hidden treasure and be more drawn to a girl you overlooked in the beginning of your mission too.
Cuz girls love drinks
There are two potential pitfalls. The first being that the wrong girl will think you are into her and you won’t be able to make your move without insulting her. Or two, HER friend’s are douchebags/pretentious/boring. If this is the case, then chances are the girl you want isn’t that great either. Someone’s friends is a good indication of who they are.
Bribery
Buy HER and HER friend a drink. Whichever one is closest. Sometimes you will have to buy drinks for all 3,4 or 5 of them. This is probably the strategy with the highest success rate, but you gotta be a balla. So for most of us, this is sooo not an option.
So pick a plan and go get your girl! Share your worst/best experiences in the comments if you got any!
Approach #2 is for me. Being a fighter, I’ve always opted for #1 and raised my chin when they showed objections. Thankfully for me, they didn’t caLl my bluff 😉
Thanks for this awesome gem of wisdom!
Haha, no one would say no to YOU anyway. 😉
You’d be surprised! I’m just lucky and incredibly humble you seem to find me cute :*
Great piece! Too Funny.- Without the wing-man-1st- make eye contact- see if she looks back a few times and shows interest-then.. buy her a drink and send with a note with your number via the server- that way she does not have to leave her friends.
I will rarely approach a group of femme friends at a club-usually they are a bit drunk-but one thing I do know- if a femme likes what she sees- she will keep making eye contact- then look away. EG Note- number -server- done.
Large groups of femmes can be intimidating. I hope some of my approaches can diffuse that. 🙂
I like the buying all of her friends a drink approach! Every time someone likes my friend, I’d like a drink please 🙂 haha
Me too! :-p
This explains why googley eyes have not sufficed for me! And yes, I find alcohol always works!
Nice work Natasia! xx
Thanks Camilla! Haha, girls are sooo much more work than just googley eyes. I don’t know why we all make this so hard for ourselves!