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This is HER. She's worth the trouble.

So you are a happy single lady at a dyke bar, getting your drank on with some friends and kicking back. Then…you see HER. She’s exactly your type and deep down in your beer soaked heart, you know SHE could be the ONE…that you go home with. The only problem? She’s surrounded by friends on all sides and you have no idea how to get to her.

This is a serious problem that plagues dyke bars nationwide. It’s happened to all of us at one point and chances are your own buddies have done some unintentional lady-love blocking too. Let’s break this down together so we can stop the cycle.

You will need a strategy. Do NOT push through her circle of friends to get to her. Pushing her friends will make them mad. They will think you are a tool and you will not be granted access to HER. In fact, you might even get a beat down. Here are some better strategies.

Wingman Swarm

Wingmen exist specifically for situations like this. Have your group of friends descend upon hers. Have one buddy chat up the girl to HER left and one take the girl to HER right, leaving the center wide open. If you are a sportier dyke than I am, free free to insert some kind of sports reference in here, I don’t know any.

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Discuss who is going to approach who beforehand, so no one gets hurt while SWARM-ing

The theory behind the wingman approach is that if HER friends feel sexy and are having a good time chatting up your buddies, they won’t be as protective of their other friends as they would be if they were bored. If everyone is being flirted with, everyone is happy. The drawback to this approach is if her friends aren’t cute, you will owe your wingmen beers. This can get costly.

Get With HER Friends

I can’t remember if it was Lord Byron or the Spice Girls who said “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” Either way, it was said and it’s true. If you start by chatting up a girl on the edge of the group in a friendly, not a flirty way you can get into the inner sanctum. Start with a compliment, i.e. “I love your wallet chain!” and move to “So how do you all know each other?” Then grab another girl in from the group, “Jane says you all met in your women’s studies class. Queers in a women’s study class? No way!” Once these two girls like you, they will introduce you to some of the others and when you slyly buy HER a drink, no one will object.

The best part of this approach is that even if you strike out romantically, you will still meet a lot of cool women. You might also uncover a hidden treasure and be more drawn to a girl you overlooked in the beginning of your mission too.

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Cuz girls love drinks

There are two potential pitfalls. The first being that the wrong girl will think you are into her and you won’t be able to make your move without insulting her. Or two, HER friend’s are douchebags/pretentious/boring. If this is the case, then chances are the girl you want isn’t that great either. Someone’s friends is a good indication of who they are.


Buy HER and HER friend a drink. Whichever one is closest. Sometimes you will have to buy drinks for all 3,4 or 5 of them. This is probably the strategy with the highest success rate, but you gotta be a balla. So for most of us, this is sooo not an option.

So pick a plan and go get your girl! Share your worst/best experiences in the comments if you got any!