Tags
Bangs, Bush, Clint Eastwood, Dating, Dirty Harry, drinking, femme, friends, girls, Hot Girl, in the club, lesbian, LGBT, NYC, Queer, Seventies, Stereotypes, T.A.T.U.
Hello Kitty or Lesbo Kitty?
Last night, a young lady in daisy dukes and long straight hair to her waist held the elevator door at my apartment complex for me. She also pushed the button for my floor. So chivalrous, right? “Thanks!” I chirped. Anyone holding an elevator door is a rarity in NYC. Usually, they point and laugh as the doors close on you. We take our schadenfreude veeerrrrry seriously here.
Do you guys hold the door for straight women and they never say thank you? That’s why I don’t hold doors for them anymore. Also: the one with the juice box is the gay one. I just know.
Instead of “You’re welcome” she blurted out, “YOU’RE REALLY PRETTY!”
WHO ME? No way! We struck up a convo and around the 30th floor, I complimented her and she gave me a goofy grinny face…the same kind I give when I’m smitten with someone I just met. Oh. That’s a surprise.
I had encountered a baby femme. A freakin’ ballsy baby femme, who reminds me of myself 6 years ago, before I became an old married lady and I totally femme invisibility-ed out on her! For those of you who don’t know, femme invisibility is the term used to describe queer women who feel unrecognized by both the gay & straight communities. I frequently blame femme invisibility on the fact that straight people don’t think about gay, it’s not something that’s ‘top of consciousness’ for them. So of course they will ask me if I have a boyfriend, even if I’ve mentioned my partner multiple times. They don’t think in “queer.”
But this is different. I’m a huge gay blogging gaymo. I can recognize other femmes if I’m in a queer settings. I.e. a dyke bar, Gay-Straight Alliance organization, LGBT volunteer event, queer themed art event. But outside of those situations, not so much. So I’m left with this question: If femme’s can’t recognize other femme’s, how can we hope for anyone else to recognize us?
Nope. Not actually gay.
I don’t know the answer. But I’m going to take a lesson from the baby femme I met last night and pass it on to you guys. If you think a girl is hot, just tell her and see what happens. I think this could be a revolutionary first step to eradicating femme invisibility.
On a completely unrelated note, I saw the Clint Eastwood 70’s classic “Dirty Harry” in Bryant Park yesterday. It had 70’s music, 70’s clothing and um…70’s bush on the BIG SCREEN. You know what? It wasn’t bad. Retro is really hot right now. The movie was cool too.
Bush in the Park
I love watching movies outdoors! Dolores Park, San Francisco. Awesome times.
Anywho, I think you touched upon a very interesting point: femmes do need to share the blame for femme invisibility! I think all women in general need to make their wants and needs absolutely clear so that there are no mixed messages. I’ve always been a fan of blunt-speak (which should be challenging, given my career), but in day-to-day personal situations, everybody needs to find their voice and speak up. Waiting on someone to “get the hint” just doesn’t wash.
Of course, yelling isn’t the same as being assertive, and confidence isn’t about being a jerk. Self-confidence takes time, and I think it starts w/ communicating in plain English what you want. If it happens to be me, you’ll hafta bang it on my head several times — I didn’t realize a femme wanted to have sex w/ me until she stripped to her undies. True story. :O
…and too bad you couldn’t pounce on this adorable baby femme. Those are usually the ones that devour their dance partner xD
LOL Wow you really made that girl go the distance. I’m a huge fan of bluntness as well, mixed messages can be cruel.
well, we’re gym buddies and how am I supposed to know she wants me by using very vague language? I literally thought booze & a (stupid) movie meant just that! 😀
…oh, don’t get me started on mixed messages! This one femme grabbed my head, kissed me, invited me out for a drink, conversed w/ me for 2 hrs, and finally dropped this on me: “I know I kissed you, I gave you my # though I never give it out when I go out, I invited you out here tonight, but I’m straight and I wanna make sure there are NO mixed messages.” O.o Hm… f-you, too? 😀
That “straight” girl sounds like she is in denial big time!
How can we femmes hope to be recognized? I don’t have an answer, either. But it’s the story of my life. And that’s why I have cats.
I have hope that you won’t always be alone with cats!
If I may butt-in… see, you stated the problem already: you’re HOPING to be RECOGNIZED. Like my good friend said, “WOMAN UP” and stop waiting to be recognized. GET recognition. Invite that hot girl over for booze and a movie and strip to your underwear 😉 …ok, don’t go that far, but don’t be afraid to make the first move. It’s so hot when a femme makes the first move. When a femme tells me what’s gonna happen, I c_ _ _ am my pants 😉
…ok, sorry HotFemme, I’m done 😀
Oh Natasia, you’ve hit the nail on the head! People always always assume that my long and luscious locks (which I am goddamn proud of you can probably tell) mean I am 100% hetero. Because I’m not bowling people over with my gayness (I mean, do I have to whip out the rainbow nail polish AGAIN?!), I’ve had many occasion where I’ve had to come out to friends SEVERAL TIMES. This scene keeps happening to me
Me: So I’ve met someone!
A dear friend with the memory of a gold fish: Oh my gosh who is he?!
Me: It’s a girl. Remember how I told you I was gayer than Christmas and made out with a girl in a bath tub at Club Phoenix?
Dear friend: BLA BLA BLA BLA BOYS BOYS BOYS.
Sigh.
ZOMG Rainbow nail polish? I think I need that in my life.
Your hair sounds gorg and your friend sounds…silly. I want to know soooo much more about the Australian girl on girl scene!
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I’m used to being frequently ignored – in the gay scene anyway. Getting attention from the boys was always easy BUT women? I always get…”I thought you were straight.” I mean, did you ask? Come on already.
Attention from women is hard to get! That’s why I’m constantly encouraging women to approach each other.
i always assume that if a girl is in a gay bar, she’s gay, or at least bi no matter what she looks like. if you are at a gay bar, people are going to assume you’re there b/c you like the ladies right? unfortunately, femmes aren’t always that lucky. as a femme myself, I always assume every hot girl is gay or bi until proven otherwise :p…. i just have to be careful till i find out which way they go..
I think everyone should assume that, Alice!
I agree get your self out there and dont be scared of rejection !! I’m femme living in Mid- West Wisconsin lol I’m attracted to other femmes so I go up too the straight girls and tell them their pretty , then ask basic questions like where do you like to shop , what are you studying / job then finally I ask Do you have a boyfriend ? No Girlfriend ? Depending on her reaction then I take it from there and ask her out or say it was a pleasure meeting you 🙂
Good Luck Ladies !! Don’t give up hope !!