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advice, attraction, bisexual, bound, Brooklyn, corky, Dating, femme, friends, gina gershon, girls, in the club, Katherine Moennig, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, metropolitan, Queer, relationships, Sex, Shane, The L word, tough girls, violet
Are you a Violet who needs a Corky? Or do you want to be Corky?
I always talk about shaking up my look. I look like your average semi-corporate good girl. But lately I’ve been craving loads of black eyeliner, piercings and tattoos. Oh and possibly shaving a section of my waist-length hair. Just because.
I was at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan bar and all the women I thought were the most attractive were edgy…with loads of black eyeliner, piercings, tattoos and asymmetrical haircuts. “You like tough girls,” my friend pointed out. That’s when I realized…I don’t know if I’m attracted to tough girls or if I want to BE a tough girl.
Do you want to feel Shane today or do you want to feel up Shane today? It's a pretty tough call.
It makes sense that people would be attracted to people who have qualities they admire. Some women are drawn to the man who is the life of the party or has a great sense of humor. But this is a more multi-layered problem for gays. Do you want to make out with the girl who’s the center of attention or do you want everyone’s eye on you? Do you want to make out with the girl in the gray knit cap or do you want to steal it when she takes it off and goes to the bathroom?
Here’s a quiz I’ve devised so you can figure out if you are genuinely into your crush or if you want to jack her swag.
1. You look over at your crush, she’s talking to another girl. You think:
a. Oh man, the girl she’s talking to is super hot.
b. I’m soooo much cuter than that girl.
c. Threesome anyone?
2. You and your crush strike up a conversation, she keeps making you crack up. You think:
a. I WISH I had jokes like that!
b. She’s so funny, she would write great vows for our wedding.
c. ZOMG, you’re so funny it’s making me take my top off.
3. Your crush is on the dance floor with her friends, you go over and:
a. Challenge her to a dance off.
b. Use your smile to lure her over to you and then impress her with your dance moves.
c. Grind with her then turn around and do the Jersey Turnpike.
Do you think we're starting to look too much alike?
If you got mostly A’s: You’re a swacker! You want to be this girl, not date her. If you two dated, you would become that lesbian couple that dresses the same and starts looking the same and that’s just so weird. Just be friends with her okay?
Mostly B’s: Congrats! It’s a real crush. Now go out there and try not to bring a U-haul or a cat to the second date.
Mostly C’s: You’re kinda slutty. I like that, lez be friends.
Have any of you ever had this problem? Is it worse for lesbians? Do you think you can want to be like someone and still be genuinely into pursuing a relationship with them?
Hot Femme in the City 
Interesting post. The last woman in the world I’d want to date is a clone of myself, or someone that was inclined to dress as unimaginatively as me, or even worse, someone that wanted to look like me. That would be too creepy, and I’d probably run away from her so fast I’d burn a hole in the pavement. Women that sport a look I admire, that I’d don myself , and women I am attracted to, women with their own unique sense of style, are two entirely different types of animals – one domesticated and the other, feral. Woof! Growl!
I’m glad there are clear lines of distinction for you! I’m on the blurry, confusing side.
So many elements in this are similar to those around the theme of ‘the urge to merge’…
I find it fascinating yet strange.
Nice post, also love your nod to Tipping the Velvet – excellent isn’t it!
It is excellent! One of my fav books/movies of all time. 🙂
LMAO! I think one of my exes wanted to be me rather than be in me I mean with me.
LOL! Well you are pretty awesome!
No I couldn’t be exactly like someone and still want to date them. Opposites attract in my book.
You must have done well on the quiz! 😉
Most definitely a sapphic sister problem. When a straight girl sees someone with admirable traits, like a smokin’ hot body or retina searing swagger, a common response is jealousy fueled hatred. A lot of this stems from the belief that girls have to compete for male attention. But with girls who love girls, there’s this conflict between lust and admiration. I have this friend who I find incredibly attractive, and I’m so confused as to whether I just wanted to raid her wardrobe or raid her bed….preferably with her in it 😉
I have a lot of conflict btwn lust and admiration. I like how you were able to boil the post down to one sentence! :-p
I thought I’d visit your site since you did mine. All I guess I can say is that this might help me manage my inner lesbian.
Lame, I know.
Eek. Well I hope your wife thinks that’s a good thing. :-p
My sweetie and I are as different as night and day… Other than both of us being very feminine, she’s 5′ 7″, blonde, and has that all-American girl-next-door look, while I’m a small, dark-haired petite 5′ Asian-American. Thankfully that works for us….
I have to confess… I did have my moment of “image issues” when we first got together, but I’m thinking that was mostly nervous and excited me trying to get a handle on the whole idea of being in my first… and only… Lesbian relationship. (Yes, yes… I even did the whole short lil’ haircut thing… long before I knew what an absolutely stereotypical thing that was to do… D’ohh!!)
Ohhh!! And I answered “B” to all the questions…. (And yes…. it’s too late… we already did the U-haul and the kitten thing…. ;))
You two sound like the hottest couple ever! And don’t worry, I did the coming out haircut too. You have too! It’s a rite of passage. 😉
Hehehe… although having my short lil’ pixie cut was fun, I’ve missed long hair and I’ve let it grow back out, but it’s still going to take a while to get it back to the length I had before.
I can definitely understand that whole “rite of passage” idea too… Seems just when I think I’ve “settled in” and gotten comfy with myself, something comes along for me to say, “Wait a minute!! We’re supposed to be doing that?….”
My sweetie is definitely the ” veteran sherpa guide” for my new life these last few years… most days I still feel like I’m just a wee bit “Lesbian Lite” which amuses her to no end.
Hahaha! I honestly can’t stand girls who think to them self ”I am sooo much cuter then that girl”, although I catch my self thinking that way at times..
Haha- I think we all do! Sometimes you can’t help it 😉
This is great. I experience this ALL THE TIME. Whenever I see a really cute girl, I’m never sure if I want whatever she’s got, or just her! I’m still learning to tease apart my feelings, how to tell if I have a crush or not – but it’s a tough call! I’m glad you wrote a post about it!
It is a tough call! Maybe we can talk about it over at BGA Life too 🙂
You know, I honestly never really thought about this but I’m so glad I stumbled across this because I know I’ve been confused before! It’s hard to distinguish if I like something new she has introduced to me because I really do like it, or because I like it because it reminds of me her. Either way, I will now look for the difference between them. Thanks!
I’m glad you found me too! It’s def a good think to keep in mind.