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Dating, Drama, Dyke Drama, friends, gay, Gay community, lesbians, LGBT, Queer, relationships, Sex, The L word
I do a lot of gay things. I hit up dyke bars, watch queer movies, read lezzie blogs and I’m noticing a trend. There’s a lot of talk about “dyke drama” and “dramatic lesbians.” It makes me wonder- are lesbians more dramatic than straight women?
I would say no. I know I’m dramatic. My penchant for the dramatic stems from my being a writer not from my sexual orientation.
Here’s my theorem (mad fancy word right? Just call me Professor Hot Femme) on why there is a lot of drama in the lesbian community: because we all date each other. We aren’t crazier than any other group of people, but once hooking up and romantic emotions come into play, that’s going to lead to drama.
Think of a large group of straight people of mixed genders that are friends. Like, remember when you went to college and your whole dorm floor became lovers and friends? Then by senior year everyone had dated everyone else and thank god you were all graduating because no one could stand looking at each others faces anymore?

I'll be there for you...when you impregnate our mutual best friend! Lesbians don't have to worry about THAT.
Or, think of the TV show Friends. There were three straight men and three straight women and that fueled like, 10 years worth of drama. I’ve only seen a few episodes of that show, but I’ve seen enough to know that it might not be a compliment when people say I remind them of Phoebe.
My point is, there’s going to be just as much drama once sex and feelings get involved in any group of people. Lesbians aren’t inherently more dramatic. BUT it is harder for us to get away from the drama. The group from your college dorm probably dispersed after college. The world is smaller, they probably comment on each other’s Facebook statuses and meet up for drinks once in a blue.
For lesbians, it’s much harder to escape the source of the drama because if you are in the same city, chances are you are hanging out in the same places as all the other lezzies. So the drama doesn’t disperse like it does for other people. You are going to see your ex at ladies night at Bar 13, because the drinks are cheap and it’s a nice change from your usual hang outs. You’re going to be with your new girlfriend and she’s going to be with hers and someone is going to want to scratch someone else’s eyes out. That’s not dyke drama, that’s forced by circumstance drama. If straight people in NYC had to go to the same 3 bars every weekend and the rest of us had the run of the city, you can bet “dyke drama” wouldn’t be part of our vernacular.

Then Carmen dates Jenny's BFF, Shane. Shane cheats on Carmen, Carmen cheats on Shane with Robin (Jenny's ex) and then Shane leaves Carmen at the alter...in CANADA. INTERNATIONAL DYKE DRAMA.
There’s also a more complicated part of being here and queer. We can potentially hook up with everyone we know. Let’s look at Friends again. There would be serious ramifications if Monica dated one of Rachel’s exes. That’s The Rule for straight women, you don’t date a friends ex. Meanwhile, in your group of friends anything goes. Your best friend can date your ex and if you live in a town with 5 lesbians and know them all, you are going to have to put a smile on your face and be happy for her. Because who else is she going to date? Stop being selfish, shellfish eater.
But, unless you are an unfeeling lesbian cyborg, you also can’t turn off your feelings and this will lead to DRAMA. It’s the nature of the girl-on-girl beast. Luckily, dating women and being friends with women who date women is awesome enough to make it all worth it.
So complain about the drama all you want. But remember, if you were straight, the drama wouldn’t disappear.
So what do you think? Are lesbians more dramatic?
Ahahah this made me crack up. Thanks for a good laugh. Once again, fantastically written. Very humorous and entertaining. Oh and, excellent theory, Professor Hot Femme. (;
Thanks Elena! Haha, I’m glad you appreciate the theory. I’ve been in the lab working on it for awhile, just like the guy who discovered Penicillin.
I blame estrogen.
http://women.webmd.com/estrogen-and-womens-emotions
Lol! Straight women have that too. Maybe women are just cray.
hah or maybe it’s just women in general! Have you both read about finger length linking to hormone exposure and sexual orientation thing? It was fascinating and of all the women’s finger’s I’ve inspected (not a whole lot), it has been true so far.
Omg I read that too! I believe it, I have really long fingers. 😉
This cracked me up! Finger length can be linked to exposure to something, that’s for sure! 😉 Anyone done a study on tongue length yet?
LOL! Oh dear.
Haha you’re funny and right. Girls are girls, gay or straight so I don’t think the fact that we date other girls means double the drama just for that reason. It’s a much smaller community and we will always overlap at some point in our ex’s lives unless we move to another city. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the past. I do notice though that lesbians tend to still get jealous over their ex’s new love, even if they have a new love of their own. Or maybe that goes for straight girls too?
Oh honey-jealousy spans allllll orientations and genders. But I think lesbians have our noses rubbed in our exes business more often. Maybe that’s why we seem more jelly?
You’re so, very good! I assistant teach at a UC here in California- 20 something, mostly straight college crowd- drama! I also work in the film industry, drama! I have gay and straight friends, drama! I agree with you. Our communities in the U.S. = drama because we often stay close and have been with many of the same people, within those communities.
When I go to San Fran where i spent my late teens and early 20’s that crowd has long since moved on- domestic lives. Ah! But now, the new generation, they have their drama. Stepping into their world I have none, unless as a good butch, I indulge in taking out the new young femmes = drama.
jrn ( not signing in as usual) but my friend, you know. Great job as usual!
Of course, I would know you anywhere. 😉 Taking out young femmes, huh? Studly as usual, J.
no joke…we do date each other…even in a big city like NYC, i’d say the Chart from the Lword actually is a real concept. i’ve found exgfs of mine dating in the same pool of girls i swim in. weird shit.
I completely agree, whenever I go out with my friends someone always sees either an ex, an ex of an ex, or a friend of an ex. It’s exhausting!
I’m so glad you took this on! I agree with you! Lesbians are sooo not more dramatic that the straightees. Yeah. I called ’em “straighteez.” Who gon’ check me, boo?
Anyway… What REALLY annoys me is lesbians who play into stereotypes and feel like they need to be loud and obnoxious and fighting all the time. This is why my great-grandmother refers to lesbians as “those people” and warns me of the insane jealousy that will “get you killed.” -_-
Eek- you watch Atlanta housewives! I always wanna whip out “Who gon’ check me boo” but I’ve never had a reason. :-p Haha, straighteez, very cute.
Jealousy that gets out of hand can ruin relationships/ & friendships. It’s not a good look.
In my opinion, yes they are more interesting.
Haha. I think we are pretty interesting. 😉
I say no. People who are openly LGBT have society-imposed inhibitions they are forced to overcome. This, in and of itself, is drama, but that doesn’t make them dramatic. I’m gonna hang myself a little here, but there are people who are attracted into the queer lifestyles as a forum for this drama. They come out of the woodwork at parades and events and create a public perception of flagrant, loud, obnoxious, drama. Of course they end up on camera. Duh. But it’s just a stereotype and as Lici points out, some people (not just Lesbians) just feel the great and urgent need to play into stereotypes. I would argue that most of us, regardless of orientation, just want to be in love and be happy in life.
Does that mean you didn’t catch me topless and upside down hanging off a float last summer? 😉
I wish!
Absolutely fabulous, Natasia. Smart, funny, and spot on. When I’m at a real PC I will be pimping this out everywhere. Loved it.
Thanks so much Cindy. You’re the bestest 😉
Hmmm? Can’t say I think Lesbians are really any more afflicted with drama than any group of girls. Basically… as women… I think we all have the potential to let our emotions carry us to that place easier then men, and I certainly remember enough of it from my High School and college days. Boy…. do I remember those days…. 😉
If anything… maybe it’s that Lesbians are just more “colorful” at their most dramatic and therefore just soooo much more interesting for it. Naturally, there will also be that number of people within any demographic for whom the idea of creating drama is the whole reason for their existence. Being noisy, it’s just that they get noticed more than the quiet, stable majority of the rest of us….
Still loved your article, and I can really understand your problems of dating within such a small community of potential choices. Keep looking girl…. sometimes the drama can be fun too. 😉
That’s a great point! I have to say I love a loud/outspoken/life of the party kind of girl
Don’t let them get to you, I think your cool.
great read!
and i personally can’t imagine anyone being more dramatic than straight females. haha
LOL! Glad you liked it 🙂
Love your article girl friend!
I think being a New Yorker brings the drama out of people of all races and sexual orientations! Lol! We’re all on this damn island together and errr on top of each other literally! No personal space and constant stimulation…I dare one person in this city to be drama free!
We are the most drama free b*tches in the city! 😉
“For lesbians, it’s much harder to escape the source of the drama because if you are in the same city, chances are you are hanging out in the same places as all the other lezzies.”
Wow I never thought of it that way. Must be hard to keep a lesbian black book I would assume!
Haha. The whole BAR is a living, breathing black book!
I just want to step in and say that if anyone says that you’re like Phoebe from Friends you should take it as a compliment, natasiarose. I never used to watch the show but when one is surrounded by folks who do and ultimately ends up marrying a long-time fan one starts to pick up the threads doing wiki searches and watching reruns. Phoebe is the only authentic person on the show who is consistently and genuinely nice, she has a kickass sense of imagination and she’s really funny. Go Phoebe! And I also get compared to Phoebe so you are not alone. 😉
Also, another fun post. Bravo. 🙂
Thanks! If you are also a Phoebe than it MUST be a compliment. 🙂
I think its more drama in the gay community. I am gay and see drama every single day.
Thanks for sharing the other side!
No problem:)
Ah nice post. I know of these drama ideas… But having only been with my one girl (really anyway) and not having any gay friends really… I don’t actally experience any of the drama. Sometimes I wish I did-but then I bet i’d want to escape it…
A little drama can add some spice to any situation…but in the end I think you’re better off without it!
O drama! I have such a love-hate relationship with it (the plus side to it is that life is never boring even if it makes you want to tear your hair out)!
Haha. I agree, a little drama is necessary to make life interesting. I like hearing about other people’s drama a ton more than having my own!
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Interesting post.
I honestly don’t think sexual orientation has anything to do with how dramatic a person is. I think it all boils down to the individual. Sure there may be a few outliers that may skew people’s views, but it’ all about the individual. Granted I don’t know a great deal of lesbians, but I wouldn’t be inclined to say they are more likely to be dramatic. But hey…that’s just my opinion.
I agree it’s the individual. You should hang with more lezzies, we’re awesome. 😉
I’m not opposed to it. I’m sure I can learn a lot from y’all. 😉
In a word? No. In fact, hell no. The one thing all women have in common is the XX gene, and drama is carried on both. It doesn’t matter if we’re gay, straight, purple or scotch plaid; we’re women and drama is a given. As such, I don’t have many women friends because I need to keep to as much of a drama-free life as I can. I’m dramatic enough.
I think men are dramatic too, they just are more selective about when they show it!
I don’t think we are any more crazy. Whenever there is an extra dose of estrogen things get a little wild…
Haha! So many commenters are blaming it on the estrogen!
I agree with alot of the other comments… It’s drama in the Gay community period which needs to cease. I have no clue as to why we are always fighting each other no matter if it’s straight or gay.
I agree! Why can’t we all just get along?! 🙂
HILARIOUS! Let me say that this is the most important line to me :My penchant for the dramatic stems from my being a writer not from my sexual orientation<<< yes! That sums things up greatly.
My partner genuinely believes that lesbians= drama city to the nth degree. Im going to direct her to this post so she can see that its not solely about orientation. Maybe if the les circle didnt have the circumference of a quarter…we would all get along a bit better. *shrug* great post.
very obviously, they create more drama than the straight women.
I am bi I can say without a doubt men can be just as dramatic as girls. It’s all about the person not sexual orienantation at all. I have to say I don’t want to be friends with my ex girlfriend. She broke my heart completely so I hope to never see her at one of the lesbians bars in new york city. I know I might but I’m gonna ignore the bitch. If we want to talk about drama she was the most dramatic person I ever meet in my whole life and is a horrible human being. So I am not looking foward to when that day comes but as a avoiding drama kind of girl I am just gonna smile and avoid talking to her. AH can’t wait lol
Oh noooo that’s sucks! I have to say your plan of smiling and dancing away is the best option. I hope you don’t run into her anytime soon!
Oh and I agree that men can be as dramatic as women. We are all people and anyone can get emotional.
women that can break another woman’s heart is very sad, go figure.