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Grabbing your friends ass probably won't get you into the grrl bar for free, but I'll be impressed

“Three for two discount?” My pretty straight friend purred to the bouncer outside NYC’s biggest dyke bar. “Nice try, sweetheart.” The bouncer replied. We forked over ten more dollars for the privilege of entry. Luckily for me, my straight friends are more than happy to pay the cover if it means they can drink and dance without men coming up to us every minute. They already know the drill, you’re not getting into the dyke bar for free.

At straight bars, I’m usually able to talk someone into letting me skip the line or the cover or both. At lesbian parties/bars I’ve gotten in for free once…ONCE!

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Even she's only gotten in free once

There’s a few reasons for this. Lesbians tend to nest and stay home once they find their girlfriend. This gets even worse in the winter, when most of you just choose a girlfriend from the stable of girls you are currently dating specifically in order to avoid having to go out in a miniskirt when it’s cold. Yes, that’s a great reason to get into a relationship. Anywho, what this means is that the revenue for places that are lez bars 24/7 drops like your ex’s panties when she sees a girl with a lipring. Therefore, the prices for those of us who actually go are jacked up in order to keep the bar in business.

Basically, if we don’t pay the cover, NYC could end up like another major city (I’m looking at you Boston) that doesn’t have ANY 24/7 grrl bars. That would be a disaster. I’m sad just thinking about it.

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No dyke bars? But where will I go to find my own kind?

The other reason is more irritating. Lesbians don’t care how cute you are. They really don’t. The bouncer knows that even if she turns you and your fabulous boobs away, there will be another great pair around the corner, who won’t complain about paying the cover.

I'll pay the cover...and make out with your girlfriend while your cheap butt is at home

The only way to get around paying covers or waiting on line is to become friends with the bouncer/bartender/owner. The owner of the bar, being the best option, so shoot for that one. I’m not talking like BS, shoot the breeze whenever you walk in kind of way. I’m not even talking in the dating kind of way. Dating any of the three people I mentioned is more likely to get you banned from the bar than in for free. You need to bring her soup when she’s sick, watch her dog when she goes on vacation and help her move when her girlfriend finds out about the chick with the faux hawk.

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Yeah, this one

Is that worth it to skip paying the cover? Probably not. So we’ll just all keep paying, cuz lesbians are so awesome to party with that any cover would be worth it. Errmm…right?