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2012, animals, babe, blog, blogging, clean, DeGeneres, gay, lesbian, LGBT, lose weight, new year's resolutions, New York City, novel, Portia de Rossi, Queer, Rachel Maddow, reality tv, Sex, vegetarian, work out, writer, writers, writing, yoga
If you're like Maxie, you slept through New Year's
The older I get, the more people I meet who hate New Year’s Resolutions. You’ve probably heard the most popular objections: “You’re not going to keep it anyway!” or “You could have decided to be a better person at any point in the year, but you DIDN’T!”
Well. Yeah. Those people have a point. But if you’re a goody-two-shoes Pollyanna like me, you’ve already made your New Year’s Resolutions list for 2012. Here’s mine!
1. Integrate working out into my social life
How specific is this right? I could have made it “lose more weight” but I didn’t. Do you all remember when I went on crazy working out times before Halloween? (Of course you do because I’m that important to you) My work outs are solitary, they consist of waking up before work, getting in as much cardio as I can stand with my earphones in and then getting my day started so I can go out to happy hour after work and drink all those calories back on.
Lez work out together!
So in 2012, instead of making exercise a pre-dawn chore, like milking cows, I want to dedicate more after work time to it. And maybe drag my friends along, so we can do something that doesn’t involve calories. Basically, I’m going to make everyone I know pay for me being out of shape. Who wants to hang out with me?!
2. Finish my novel. Yes! Hot Femme has been working on a novel forever. However, 2012 is the year it’s going to get done. Even if it means giving up trashy reality television…god I hope it doesn’t mean that.
3. Post on my blog more. I love making hot women laugh and this is the best way to reach as many of you as possible. If I didn’t laugh so hard at my own jokes, I would try stand-up comedy.
4. Be kinder to others. Just cuz I don’t want to get my butt kicked if I argue with the wrong person on the subway. Oh and like, peace on earth and stuff.
Save Babe! ...from me
5. Eat less animal fat. Why? I could say for health reasons, so no one judges me. But really it’s because, like most lesbians, I have warm and fuzzy feelings for animals and I hate how delicious they are. I want to save all the animals, not just the cute ones and I’m going to start by trying to break my own addiction to their delicious byproducts. If I succeed this year, maybe next year I can go full vegetarian. That’s called setting realistic goals.
6. Clean my apartment more often. New York apartments are tiny, they look fab when they are clean and like an episode of Hoarders when they aren’t. So yeah, this needs to happen more.
Some resolutions that didn’t make it on the list this year were:
- Take Yoga everyday and become a Yogi.
- Learn to age backwards, Benjamin Button style
- Master the art of Tantric Sex.
- Lose 100 pounds and dye hair blond to better resemble Portia de Rossi DeGeneres.
- Convince Rachel Maddow to show me her boobs.
- Discover the meaning of life and the reason for being.
Alright ladies, I’ve shown you mine, now show me yours!
Hot Femme in the City 
Thanks for another great and funny blog.You made me laugh out loud. Clever and smart, as always. I haven’t worked out my own New Year’s resolutions yet, but I think one of them will have to do with getting as many femmes as possible to ask me out and seduce me. I like this idea because part of the responsibility here is on the other women. So come on ladies, SEDUCE me so I can say I achieved my 2012 goal.
LOL. I’ll send out a memo! 😉
:Please do. 🙂
First of all, I think Maxie has the completely right idea about all of this New Year’s idiocy. Second of all, I think a resolution can happen at any time in a calendar year — such as when one vows they’ll “never drink like that again” after seeing that picture on Facebook of oneself three sheets to the wind kissing a chicken on the lips.
Ummm…can you email that picture to me? I promise I won’t blackmail you with it…
Wow… I hadn’t really considered any Resolutions yet but since you’ve jogged my little brain I suppose that the quickest and easiest ones would be:
1) Post more on my Blog too… I’ve let things slide faaaar too easily these last few months since I changed Hosting and I should step up, take charge and let myself just post more without worrying if I have anything “worth” saying.
2) Stop being such a “Homebody”… Since my sweetheart and I became a couple my somewhat meager “social life” has become… well… almost non-existent. I’m shy… but I am a fun-loving person and I should make more of an effort to “get out there” and be a part of things.
Hmmmm? Those ought to be a good start I think….
Ooo I like those! I completely get the first one. I’m the same way. I’m excited to read more Nekoneko posts in 2012 🙂
I want to worry less. I am not resolving anything else because it might lead to worry.
I approve! I especially need to stop worrying because I think it’s giving me white hair..and then I worry about having it and I think that makes it worse…
I am with you on 3,5,6. Nice list lady. Looking forward to checking out all those posts in 2012!
Awesome & ditto!
Love your resolutions–especially the notion of making others pay for your being out of shape. How funny!
Happy New Year————–
Kathy
Thanks! Don’t laugh too quick- if you’re ever in NYC I’ll going to talk you into Zumba 😉
Hilarity as ever. As for your workout endeavor, genius plan.
Side note, truly, truly, truly I cannot impress enough on the benefits of weight training for women. You won’t bulk up, I promise, and lean muscle keeps your metabolism up to burn more fat! Cardio’s important too but don’t underestimate the importance of lifting weights!
I’ll be trying to stay motivated too! Have fun!
Ahhh you’re right…but does the Shakeweight help? Because I’m all over that, since I can do it while I watch Real Housewives.
Haha well I am glad you decided not to put Tantric sex on your list this year.. don’t want you to pass out or any thing..
LOL Yeah maybe I’ll save that for next year. :p
Great post! (:
Thanks!
Eat less animal fat? I can’t wrap my brain around that one. Of course that could be because I’m busy wrapping my lips around bacon and my fists around chicken. Double fisting drumsticks in this bitch!! No? FINE!
I now have 3 new life resolutions now that I have read this blog entry. Hilarious as always, btw. I love your take on preeetty much everything, and its nice to know I’m not the only nutter that enjoys it this much, as is evidence by your comments!!
1) Finish your novel. Reading it, as it were. Well, first I have to start it, which means you have to finish it….wait I lost count…
2)Post on your blog more. I read all the time and don’t contribute to the comment area! I’m kind of a bad friend….but you can’t be mad at me cuz that’s racist. If i read that list correctly that kind of conflicts with #4. I’m starting to look like quite the copycat aren’t I!
3) BUY YOU THOSE SHORTS!!! You’re welcome gym. You’re welcome world. Nuff said
Did you butter your bacon first? That’s how I like it. If you buy me short shorts I’ll forgive 1 & 2. Plus you’re a greeeat friend! xoxo
Butter battered bacon and brunettes in booty shorts. 2012 is awesome already!
Way to go on having resolutions. I am impressed with anyone courageous enough to actually a) think of doing them and b) actually share them with people thereby insuring you might actually *gulp* succeed. I want to particularly applaud you for #2. Writing a novel is brave. I have recently resurrected my novel-in-progress and am doggedly trying to breathe in some new life. Hear hear for novel writing outside of the month of November!
Ahhh! good luck with your novel. I always fail Nanowrimo haaaaard. I figure giving myself a year is more realistic than a month.
Agreed! I only got to ~20,000 words when I tried NaNoWriMo. I hope your resolutions are off to a great start! You inspired me to do my own resolutions blog post. Wonder of wonders I am actually making progress. 🙂
That’s great! Ahh I’m so glad I inspired you! 😀
I had December resolutions, I try to make mine before everyone else makes some to influence me. But of course I want to continue on in working out and losing the last 50 of the 150lbs I started losing. But my number one resolution for me in 2012 is this:
I want to enjoy life this year, meaning take better care of myself and less care of others. Because I have a bad habit of putting others before me on a regular basis and have found myself exhausted.
That’s a great resolution! The happier and healthier you make yourself, the more you will be able to spread that to others. Good luck!
hehe. i LOVE new year resolutions. they let me see how far i’ve come and what i need to work on. ya know?
this was a great blog with wonderful resolutions!
Thanks! I feel the same way, there’s no harm in focusing on your goals once a year!
I’m 75 percent like Maxie (who is adorable!), because I stayed home and watched a movie on New Year’s. If I made resolutions, I’d perhaps try to better my social life this year. But … meh. I’d rather be like Maxie.
Maxie says you sound like a smart beyotch!