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coming out, Corporate America, gat, job, LGBT, Office, Queer, The Minority Report, Work
Do your coworkers know about your girlfriend? Did you mention that if they have any single, hot girlfriends your totally available? Oooorr do they think you have a boyfriend and that’s why you bolt out the door every night. Let me know if you are out at work, how you came out or if you think it’s a bad idea in the comments!
Hot Femme in the City 
I’m out at work – it’s one of the first places I came out. I work at a university, and I’d been there a long time when I came out, so I was coming out to friends. In the interest of full disclosure, I work in the performing arts, so other than being supportive of my life transitions, the attitude folks have here is mostly, “Ah, nice – what’s for lunch?” Not what you’d call a restrictive environment…
That’s awesome! I’m glad you had such a positive experience. I hope that in the future, it will be this easy for everyone.
I think environment matters – I mean, hell, it’s the performing arts at a university. If you can’t be gay there, then even pride parades aren’t safe! LOL I totally respect and understand and support folks’ need to stay hidden at work, when they work in other types of environments.
It’s such an interesting topic, Natasia. The first time I came out at work was in the 1990s, and I did it to “save the reputation of lesbians everywhere,” because I thought perhaps that was my job, In the office, we had one “out” dyke and she was certifiable. I guess I was full of myself, but I felt that I needed to let the others at work know, most of them ignorant or homophobic, that this chick was not representative of all lesbians. So, I deliberately came out. Because people there loved me anyway, it was no big deal. I was more feminine looking then and probably not as obvious. Anyone interested in my transformation to butchy, can read my recent blog entry on butches and purses. Yes, I’m plugging myself.
This time around, I probably look more gay, but I haven’t deliberately “come out.” Yet, all my coworkers know. I work and live in Massachusetts, so I am protected. As soon as my co-workers started Facebook Friending me, I knew I’d be outed because I’m not so quiet on FB or in my writing generally.. It’s been fine, more than fine. Although I don’t talk much about my personal life, my coworkers don’t seem uncomfortable; if anything, they feel they know me better.
That story about the woman laughing at you, Natasia, and about the issue of states with no protection, really sickens me. But I guess our progress in this lifetime is incremental.
Natasia, thanks for another great blog and thanks to you and Cynthia for a great Webisode.
You do fabulous stuff, funny and important all at once.
Xo
I think it’s great you came out to show people that there are non-psychotic lesbians out there! Haha. I’m really glad that you are in a state where your orientation is protected, I can’t wait until every state protects it’s LGBT community.
And thanks for watching! 😀
I’m out to about 3 people at work because we’re really close and friends outside of work. Group discussions about relationships RARELY come about, and when they do.. admittedly, I will front like I’m in a heterosexual relationship (ONLY if i’m asked, I never initiate these things..). Simply because I don’t feel it necessary to get into details (you know how nosy people can be) nor do I have the time or patience to be asked a billion and one questions.
I’m proud of my girlfriend and the relationship we have, that’s why the important people in my life know 🙂 The rest are just a bunch of irrelevants (not to sounds too bitchy) lol
Girl, if your instincts are telling you to pretend to be hetero in front of your coworkers, then do it. We all have to do what we have to do to when it comes to coexisting with our coworkers.
Haha, you don’t sound bitchy and congrats on your relationship! 🙂
I do not pretend to have a gf. People at my job know I am a lesbian. I do not go around informing everyone of this fact. But, if it comes up, it comes up. If my butchy looking gf comes to pick me up, then so be it. I am single now though. I also have a friend that is obviously gay, that has come by the job. So, if you interesting in knowing, you would know.
I’m basically the same way, if it comes up it comes up. I’m sure someone is interested in knowing! 😛
Opps, I meant to say BF.
I am out at work… but that was almost an inevitable thing as I’m friends with most of the people there and hiding my sweetie from them would have been impossible once she moved in with me seeing that all of those people often visit me at home.
I’ve never felt threatened by any of my co-workers…but it probably helps that at work I’m sort of “the boss”… my restaurant has an owner but the day to day stuff is all my responsibility as Kitchen Manager.
My sweetheart is out at her job too, and we’ve done all her office party “get togethers” as a couple. For us… coming out at work was actually easy, it’s trying to feel comfy enough to come out to family that’s hard.
I’m so glad your able to be out at work! That’s great. Coming out to family can be really hard. When you’re ready, I hope they will be as accepting as the other people in your life have been. 🙂
This is a funny question for a trans person. I am “out” at work in the sense that they know I have a girlfriend – which makes them think I’m gay. Which means I’m not entirely out as trans.
My girlfriend is “femme”-ish, as in, doesn’t look gay and always gets hit on by the straight dude-bros. When people at work ask her she responds in a very gender-neutral way that she has a significant other, and avoids pronouns. She used to have no qualms saying I was her GF (before the trans-epiphany).
Of course, we live in one of the gayest cities, in a liberal young-hip profession. The problem is now everyone thinks we’re lesbians, when neither of us is.
hmm. It’s great that you two can be honest upfront with your relationship and identities, but def frustrating that it’s misinterpreted. Thanks for sharing your unique situation!
My job knows nothing about my sexuality…and frankly its not of their business. I play with guys and gals…
I had no idea. Haha. It’ isn’t anyone’s business, but we spend so much time with our coworkers that sometimes we disclose details of our personal lives. Like “a hot girl cooked me dinner last nite” not like “banged all night long!” lol
I am out to a few people at work, which, considering the environment means that I am out to everyone. I have HRC stickers and such in my cube, and a few folks asked what they stand for. I shared the information, and no one seemed shocked.
I talk about my life with my close friends at work as a whole…that means relationships, school, etc. I don’t make it a habit of talking about any of my business with some of the two-faced women in my office.
I want queer stickers for my cube! Two faced people at work should def know as little as possible about everything.
In the 80s through the mid-90s I was employed in workplace environments that discouraged coming out, so I played by their rules even though I often felt like a hypocrite. Being gay back then was not like what it’s like to be gay in today’s world. You were often walking on eggshells should the wrong person find out. If that person discovered your orientation there was the legitimate fear that they’d find a way to get you fired. I lost at least two jobs back then due to homophobia. This was during the height of AIDS hysteria. No one would admit I was being let go because I was a lesbian, but I knew it was a stigma. As much as I hated working for companies that would not welcome me if they knew I was gay, I needed a job to support myself so I kept quiet. Those were often very stressful and lonely times.
Fast forward to the present, where I think the world is still flawed but infinitely more enlightened. Considering what I endured in my youth, it’s in my nature to be discreet about what I am, but I am now at “a certain age”, my best friend is a big black queen, and even though I may not look like a stereotypical lesbian (whatever that is) I know there is something about me that screams that I’m bent. The turning point years, the mid-90s, I gradually became more overt, but because my work was always exemplary, my being a lesbian was essentially a non-issue. When I joined the staff where I work today, my boss who co-owns my company, made several offhand insulting remarks about gay people when we were on a business trip together. It was 2005 and although I had not worked for her a full year, after 25 years in the workplace, I reached my breaking point and matter-of-factly told her that I was a lesbian. It was a hardcore “homina, homina, homina” moment for her since she always viewed herself as the most liberal woman in the room. Suddenly she became fully conscious of her gross insensitivity from the assistant she considered a rock star and assumed was straight. She not only apologized for being so clueless, she feared that I might quit. Things came full circle for me.
I don’t think there is any hard and fast rule about coming out in the workplace. I think doing the job to the best of one’s ability and getting along with everyone from the owner to the janitor is the best way to gain acceptance. That’s what I always strive to do, but there will always be certain people out there that will dislike you no matter what you are. That’s Life 101.
I think there are still many places where people get fired for being gay. Luckily we are both new yorkers so we have a much higher probability of being accepted.
I could be terminated for being queer, so I am not out. My co-workers assume that I am a happy chaste woman who is to busy to settle down with a nice man.
I’m so sorry to hear that! It really sucks that its 2012 and this is still happening in america.
Holy smokes!!!!! I’m really sorry to hear this. Actually really angry for you. And sorry.
living and working in SF for a heartbeat made me realize the huuuge difference between states and cities. SF has high respect for diversity. i returned to austin with a more fearless spirit about opening myself up to people at work because i tasted what a progressive place is like. i love changing minds. i love challenging conventions. i won’t accept less than respect. but. if you feel unsafe and believe you’ll be jeopardizing your job, i understand the need to be under the radar. it’s about self-protection. it’s simply beyond maddening that people in our own nation can be fired/harassed/discriminated against for who they are. it’s illegal to say the word ‘gay’ at schools in tennessee. i mean, where are we on the timeline?
Well said! I completely agree. It’s such an odd mix of pushing LGBT equality while remaining safe, especially because of the way acceptance of our community fluctuates from state to state.
I came out to my co-workers at a wedding of a colleague by bringing my partner at the time as my date. I had a lot of anxiety about it, not because I was worried about how they would react, but because I’d never broached the subject after about a year of employment. You know how it is … awkward. Everyone was totally cool. Nothing seems to bring them joy quite like hearing about my dating failures.
LOL. Everyone loves a good dating disaster. I’m glad everyone was cool with your partner. Yay! A lesbian story with a happy ending!
Hello, I think I’m late for this post but anyway…I live in the Dominican Republic, a not-so-safe place for lesbians-gay-trans coming out in ANY sense. Gay life here is really hard [though things are changing somehow]. Coming out means one thing: you have “cojones” or in my case ovaries. One of the first places I came out was at my job, and I’ve got both bad and good reactions from my co-workers. But I’m just trying to take them as lessons [ I’ve learned so much about myself and I’m proud that in a way or another I have changed a lot of people’s opinion about “us”. ] First, I have told myself so many times – why should I shout everybody my sexuality, after all “straight” people don’t go to everybody they meet stating they are “straight” as a presentation letter. But then [ in our recently gay parade] I heard someone says, shout it would never be enough until people get “used” to it, until being gay become a normal thing its necessary to scream from the top of my lungs…So EDUCATING people around me have been a “must do thing” that I have adopted.
I really appreciate what you’re doing, your post are really entertaining and of course educative. 🙂
You aren’t late. I completely agree with everything you said, great points. We need to scream until we are 100% accepted. Then we can quiet down and take a break!
Thanks for the lovely compliment! 😀