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Hey cutie pies, it’s time to Ask the Femme! One of my readers is having trouble deciding whether or not to let her girlfriend date a man at the same time. For some of us this is an easy answer. But there are a ton of nuances in the spectrum of relationships. So let’s do this on a case by case basis.

Dear Femme,

I am dating a woman but she wants children too. She wants to start a relationship with a man and I was upset about that. If she starts this relationship, I’m afraid she would leave me for him. But I noticed she really enjoys the things I do for her in and outside the bedroom. I’m not sure what I should do. Do I tell her no or go along with it?

Maybe Poly?

Thanks for writing in, MP! The best thing for you to do in this situation is sit down and have an honest discussion with your girlfriend. I’m sure you both know it is possible to have a child with another woman, all it takes is a sperm bank. So her reasoning for wanting to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend is a weak excuse. It could be that she wants to have her cake and eat it too, by dating you but having a boyfriend at the same time. She could genuinely want to explore the world of polyamory. Or she could be testing you. She might want you to step up and tell her that she is important to you and you want to be monogamous with her. The point is, you won’t know the answer to any of these questions unless you ask.

So talk to her, find out what her reasoning is once you take baby talk out of the picture. Then tell her about your needs in a relationship. If you would only be ok with her dating a man because you are scared she will leave you and not because you are truly okay with it, than tell her she can either be with you or she can have a boyfriend, but she can’t have both because that’s not what YOU want. Stand up for yourself, you need to make sure that you are in a relationship that works for you. Life is too short to spend it with someone who is going to make you unhappy or take advantage of you for what you can do in the bedroom and outside of it. If she refuses to give up her dream of have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time, dump her and find someone who only wants you. Good luck MP and let us know how it goes!

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