Nothing Says ‘Pride’ Like the NYC Dyke March

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boobs, dyke, Dyke March, Fifth Avenue, Frisco, gay, Gay community, gay love, Gay Pride, gay rights, GLBT, gogo dancers, hot girls, hot lesbians, June, Lesbian Avengers, lesbian community, lesbian mom, lezzie, LGBT, New York City, NYC, Pride, Pride Month, San Francisco, sexy lesbian, village, Washington Square park

Dyke March banners from years past, on display at NYC’s LGBT Center

I love Pride month. For me, the highlight of June is when half the lesbians in NYC march down Fifth Avenue. The NYC Dyke March isn’t nearly as well known as the Pride Parade. As most of you know, large cities each tend to have their own Pride parade in June. In New York, the Dyke March always happens the Saturday before the main June Pride event, the parade. I went to the march for the first time last year, before then I literally did not know it existed and I’ve lived here my whole life. I had to go back again this year. That was my last Pride activity as I spent NYC Pride traveling to San Francisco and subsequently missed Pride in both cities! Which totally blew, but it was an amazing way to end my June gaylebrations.

All that was left of Frisco pride by the time I got into town, sad face.

Didn’t make it to NYC Pride either? Check out one of my fav blogs,  Lame Adventures for a full report.

But I want to talk about the Dyke March, it’s been going on for twenty years, probably right under your nose and like me, you didn’t know about it. Basically, it’s awesome. I have to admit, I kind of like it more than Pride because it’s shorter and more like an old school activist rally than a parade.

These lesbians march!

It started in 1992, when lesbians started marching for visibility after the NYC public schools decided to cut out any mention of the lesbians in schools. So a bunch of lesbians started protesting and called themselves the Lesbian Avengers. Then, they started protesting for civil rights and to protest violence against the LGBT community after a gay man and a lesbian were burned alive in their home. The Lesbian Avengers staged protests where they literally ate fire to bring attention to the violence against us. Pretty heavy stuff, and if you want the entire story, check out their website. The work these women put into the movement twenty years ago is the reason so many of us can be out and proud today.

So to celebrate and promote our visibility we walk, sans a permit, from Bryant park to Washington Square park. Oh and did I mention some women choose to protest topless? Yes. Yes they do. While it is undeniably hot, it also sharply calls attention to the double standard of men being able to go topless while on women it’s considered indecent. In this manifestation, bare female chests look beautiful, natural and powerful.

And then the topless women jump into the big fountain in the park…and get all wet. Did your inner perv just say “schawing?” Mine did.

Washington Square Park in the Village, completely swarmed with lesbians! What LGBT event would be complete without overly priced rainbow merch merch for sale?

Queer girls playing in the fountain on a hot day

A lone topless marcher braves the middle of the fountain. Lezzie momma’s brought their kids, decked out in their finest rainbow attire!

If you haven’t gone, go next year. It is a beautiful thing to see, and you will be more moved than you think and feel more accepted for who you are than you ever have.
…and then go out and party, of course! This year I went to Siren, at the South Street Seaport, which of course, featured a mermaid theme and even more boobs!

My fav mermaid ever and the lucky grrl that got to dance with her!

Gay rights and boobs! June is the best month to be a queer girl in NYC.

Ask the Femme: She’s Not Ready For a Relationship

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advice, ask the femme, coming out, crushes, Dating, just not that into you, lesbian, Love, Queer, relationships

Welcome back to “Ask the Femme.” Where I field your questions on love and dating. This week, we have a woman who is worried that her crush “isn’t ready for a relationship right now.” 

Hi,

I recently ran into a woman I’ve had an eye on for years…. attractive, talented, all of that.  She was very sweet and friendly with me… and finally single!  But — she said she needed a “break” from the dating scene for a while.  Not really in the market now.  (I had never to my knowledge directly told or even hinted to her that I was queer before, but she seemed to casually know anyway.)  She said she could help introduce me to other girls maybe… but she’s who I really want!

Moreover, my mom has a particularly high regard for her as well, so she’s the only person I know of that my family would support initially rather than questioning like, “What is she DOING dating a woman??”  How do I resolve this?

Thank you,

WS

Hi WS,

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but the girl you want? She’s just not into you. I hate using that expression, because life isn’t black and white and sometimes timing is off, things come up, etc. But my gut feeling is that she’s being a good person (which is probably why you are so taken with her) and letting you down gently. Which doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you are great; she wouldn’t want to introduce you to her friends if she thought you were a dating dud.

I know, it stings, but it’s not personal! You can’t force chemistry.

I think that you SHOULD take her up on her offer to introduce you to other women, but do it in a way where you give her first dibs. Call her up, say “I’ve been thinking about your offer to introduce me to other girls, and I want to take you up on it. You’re the one I want, but if I can’t have you, I need to find someone else!” Which is completely true! Chances are if she really isn’t interested, she will laugh this off as a joke and your pride will still be intact. If she is interested, she will put the kibosh on introducing you around and take you up on your offer. Either way, you win. This woman probably knows other women who are as pretty, smart, talented, etc. as she is.

Hey girl…this is your last shot if you want alllllll this!

As for the family part, you might want to consider coming out to your family and getting them used to the idea that you will be dating women before you actually bring one home. You don’t want your poor girlfriend to have to deal with meeting the parents both as a new partner instead of having the”but you were straight before you met her” conversation.

Good luck, WS and keep in touch!

Have a question for me? Shoot me a Facebook message! 

Awkward Moments in Gay

Tags

awkward, bisexual, gay, Gay Lesbian and Bisexual, happy hour, Jackie Warner, Jillian Michaels, LA, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer, that awkward moment, that awkward moment when, trans, WeHo, West Hollywood, Work

That awkward moment when you can't decide if you want to take a picture or make out

As everyone knows from my Angry Times at the Smoothie Shop post, I can be pretty outspoken. I usually drop the L bomb (that’s lesbian, not love) on friends of friends, coworkers, strangers as quickly as possible to avoid any potential gay jokes or derogatory comments that might be forming in their brain. I don’t assume that all people are homophobic or not open to gay people, but I do know that some people make questionable comments about other groups of people if no members of that group are around. I don’t want anyone to end up with egg on their face and I also don’t want to have to go on some LGBT rights crusade at the bar, so I nip it in the bud before anyone feels awkward.

But sometimes awkward happens…and it always leaves me completely speechless. Let’s start with This One Time At A Bar. Okay, so This One Time At A Bar a friend of mine organized a large happy hour made up of her friends who didn’t know each other yet. It was fun!

Lez make some new friends!

One girl in the group mentioned that she used to live in LA. LA for me, means hot queer reality TV star trainers, Jillian Michaels and Jackie Warner. Both of whom are frequently spotted at the Grrl bars in WeHo.  “Omg,” I squealed, “I would Love to go to LA! I hear West Hollywood is awesome!”

The girl replied: “You don’t want to go to West Hollywood, that’s where all the gay people are.” 

This is where I tell her I’m gay right? And like, make a stand for all people and stuff. I don’t. Because for some reason I am struck totally dumb and mute by the awkwardness of the situation. Some kind soul decided to change the topic and the chance to be here and queer passed. If I wasn’t so slow, I probably would have said something liiiiike…

The Bad Ass Approach: Throw that gauntlet DOWN, girl!

Maybe...that's where the gay people go to get away from you?

Ooooorrrr, the Smart Ass Approach: Throw her some homophobia and see if she plays ball

Actually, I like to stand outside gay bars and protest, so that's perfect

Awkward also struck at work recently. My wife got me an almost obscenely large bouquet of long stemmed roses and had it delivered to my office. The next day I was on the elevator with another woman who remarked “Your husband must love you very much, to get you those.” Although I’ve corrected people in the past. I didn’t correct her, I’ve heard that particular girl be weird about trans issues before and I couldn’t handle the awkwardness.

The Smart Ass Approach

He sure does! That's cuz I give great BJs! If you want flowers, you should work on it.

The Truth

Women are more romantic

How do you handle awkward moments?

The Minority Report: Are You Out At Work?

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coming out, Corporate America, gat, job, LGBT, Office, Queer, The Minority Report, Work

Do your coworkers know about your girlfriend? Did you mention that if they have any single, hot girlfriends your totally available? Oooorr do they think you have a boyfriend and that’s why you bolt out the door every night. Let me know if you are out at work, how you came out  or if you think it’s a bad idea in the comments!

Dancing With The Lesbians

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bar, bars, boriqua, club, clubs, dance, dancing, golden girls, hetero, in da club, ladies night, Latina, lesbian, LGBT, lgq, nightlife, nuts, Queer, rhythm

They look like they want to get the party started up in this b*tch! And you know what? I'm down.

I love dancing. After I strolled in early Saturday morning, my wife turned to me and asked “When are you going to be too old for this?” I’m pretty sure the answer is never. When my friends and I are Golden Girls, I hope that we are still dancing on tables at Senior’s Bingo Night.

I don’t think I’m too old. But there is another problem. I’ve completely forgotten how to dance with men. I don’t understand their rhythm or their bodies. It wasn’t always like this. When I was younger, I loved dancing with guys. That was high on my list of regular activities, go to frat parties, dance with guys and wake up the next morning to study.

When I was 20, I started making the transition from dancing with guys, to dancing with girls. Not like, straight girl on straight girl “ladies night” type of dancing, like real “maybe I’ll get lucky later” kind of dancing.

It was hard.

The first girl I danced with was another Latina, taller than me with long curly black hair perfectly styled to look wet and large hoop earrings with her name spelled out inside the hoop. A group of us met up before the party. Our conversation went like this:

Boriqua NYC style: totes my type

Girl: Look! We’re both wearing sneakers!

Me: Yep! Guess we’re the gay ones.

Girl: Hahaha!

And then she kissed me. She thought I was funny and a kiss? I was pretty sure I had this in the bag. We got to the party and hit the dance floor. I was too confident. Both from the kiss and the numerous compliments I was used to getting on my dancing skills. Usually I danced around the guy, daring him to try and keep up and then eventually giving in with some closer dancing. Which is exactly what this girl did to me. And I couldn’t keep up. Every time I matched her rhythm with my hips she would switch it up and leave me in the dust again.

I felt like a big clumsy man. It totally blew.

Let's play spot the lesbian!

Luckily, I now have plenty of experience dancing with women and it’s a pleasurable experience for everyone. Especially for women who enjoy being picked up ‘Thunder Down Under’ style. But that’s a story for another time.

While my lady dancing skills have improved, my hetero dancing skills have totally disappeared. Usually when I go out to straight clubs I try to dance by myself and deflect the grenades that come my way by ducking behind my friends. Once in awhile, I will dance with a straight man, if I notice he has moves I’ll let him dance with me. This happened the other night and um. It didn’t end well for him. In addition to being completely confused about the way this guy was moving, I also forgot that he had anything between his legs. Basically, I kneed a perfectly nice guy in the nuts by accident.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Yup. So, is it easier for you to dance with men or women? Ever almost give someone a significant groin injury? Erm…I can’t be the only one right? …Right? Anyone?

How Do Lesbians…You Know…Do IT?

Tags

angelina jolie, coming out, femme, girl on girl, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer, Sex, The L word, vida guerra

Bitch, I know you did NOT just ask me that.

This question usually comes around when you are least suspecting it. Probably when you are hanging out with a bunch of friends and friends of friends and having a few drinks. Everyone is having a good time. Then, someone asks you if you have a boyfriend and you say something like “No, I actually like girls.”

This is usually when it happens. Someone, male or female, it doesn’t matter, will bust out with: “BUT HOW DO TWO GIRLS HAVE SEX?” 

Other variations include (but are not limited to):

1. Are you the one that wears the strap on?
2. So…it’s…like…just oral sex?
3. Are YOU the guy?
4. Don’t you miss X male body part?

Homie don't play that.

So what do you? First, you shove the desire to punch this person in the face deep down inside. Violence never solves anything. Then, if you are like me, you freeze. It’s such an invasive thing to ask someone and every time it happens I feel like someone just tossed a bucket of ice water over my head.

I’ve decided to create a menu of responses to this question, so you can whip them out even if you are caught off guard!

1) “Calm down, perv! That’s none of your business.” or “ Ew, I don’t know, how do YOU have sex?” 

These approaches should shame whoever asked the question into shutting up and chances are your friends will change the topic. It’s always better to be sassy and sarcastic rather than bitchy. Let the other person be the a-hole in the situation.

 2) “Why don’t you ask your girlfriend/wife/mom/sister?” 

If you really hit it, you might want to keep your big dyke mouth shut.

Obvs you should say this in a joking manner. Esp if you want to avoid a fist fight. I’ve noticed from personal experience that it shuts people up quick. Again, don’t be dead serious when you say this, even if it’s true. Humor is the best way to combat stupid.

 3) “If you come home with me later, I can just show you.” WINK

Ever gone on a magic carpet ride?

Only say this if the girl asking the question is cute…and if you are good at winking. Duh.

 4) “Why? Do you want to make sure you’re doing it right?”

People who ask such invasive questions deserve to get an invasive question thrown right back at them. But again, be careful with your tone. Nobody likes nasty.

5) “Add ‘The L Word’ to your Netflix que.”

Ok, maybe it's not the way that we live, but I still miss that show.

This one speaks for itself. Plus, this is the way, it’s the way that we live and looooooooovvvveeeee.

I know some of you nice grrls out there are thinking “But maybe I really should tell them! Maybe they just want to know?” And maybe they do, but it’s not your job to splay your most intimate moments out in front of everyone in order to educate them. If someone really is interested in understanding more about how queers love, they will ask one-on-one and in a more sensitive way.

Your turn! Have you ever been asked about GirlSex and what did you say?

Femme on Femme Invisibility

Tags

Bangs, Bush, Clint Eastwood, Dating, Dirty Harry, drinking, femme, friends, girls, Hot Girl, in the club, lesbian, LGBT, NYC, Queer, Seventies, Stereotypes, T.A.T.U.

Hello Kitty or Lesbo Kitty?

Last night, a young lady in daisy dukes and long straight hair to her waist held the elevator door at my apartment complex for me. She also pushed the button for my floor. So chivalrous, right? “Thanks!” I chirped. Anyone holding an elevator door is a rarity in NYC. Usually, they point and laugh as the doors close on you. We take our schadenfreude veeerrrrry seriously here.

Do you guys hold the door for straight women and they never say thank you? That’s why I don’t hold doors for them anymore. Also: the one with the juice box is the gay one. I just know.

Instead of “You’re welcome” she blurted out, “YOU’RE REALLY PRETTY!”

WHO ME? No way! We struck up a convo and around the 30^th floor, I complimented her and she gave me a goofy grinny face…the same kind I give when I’m smitten with someone I just met. Oh. That’s a surprise.

I had encountered a baby femme. A freakin’ ballsy baby femme, who reminds me of myself 6 years ago, before I became an old married lady and I totally femme invisibility-ed out on her! For those of you who don’t know, femme invisibility is the term used to describe queer women who feel unrecognized by both the gay & straight communities. I frequently blame femme invisibility on the fact that straight people don’t think about gay, it’s not something that’s ‘top of consciousness’ for them. So of course they will ask me if I have a boyfriend, even if I’ve mentioned my partner multiple times. They don’t think in “queer.”

But this is different. I’m a huge gay blogging gaymo. I can recognize other femmes if I’m in a queer settings. I.e. a dyke bar, Gay-Straight Alliance organization, LGBT volunteer event, queer themed art event. But outside of those situations, not so much. So I’m left with this question: If femme’s can’t recognize other femme’s, how can we hope for anyone else to recognize us?

Nope. Not actually gay.

I don’t know the answer. But I’m going to take a lesson from the baby femme I met last night and pass it on to you guys. If you think a girl is hot, just tell her and see what happens. I think this could be a revolutionary first step to eradicating femme invisibility.

On a completely unrelated note, I saw the Clint Eastwood 70’s classic “Dirty Harry” in Bryant Park yesterday. It had 70’s music, 70’s clothing and um…70’s bush on the BIG SCREEN. You know what? It wasn’t bad. Retro is really hot right now. The movie was cool too.

Bush in the Park

Kissing Kelly Kapowski

Tags

90's, childhood, femme, gay, jessie spano, kelly kapowski, kids, late bloomer, lesbians, LGBT, lisa turtle, nostalgia, Queer, saved by the bell, screech, Sex, slater, Stereotypes, tiffany amber theissen, TV, zach morris

Please don't judge me

Do you guys want to know something really embarrassing? Like…really embarrassing? Cuuuuuzz. I’ll put it out there, if you want me too. Technically, I “realized” I was queer at 20 and started coming out when I was 21. BUT. I should have known I was gay when I was 9. Why?…because I was in love with Kelly Kapowski.

I'm majorly, butt crazy in love with Kelly!

The year was 1993 and Saved by the Bell was huge. All the girls in your elementary school class could be divided into two groups: Girls Who Like Zach and Girls Who Like Slater. I didn’t like either. I internally labeled myself a “late bloomer” and just agreed with whoever was asking me.

“Who do you like?”
“Umm you tell me first, then I’ll tell you.”

I thought I was pretty sneaky but I don’t think I ever completely fooled anyone.

I would close my eyes and try to imagine kissing skinny blond Zach. Okay, that didn’t work. So I would close my eyes and try to imagine kissing burly, muscle-y Slater. So while the other little girls in my school would dream about the hunks of Saved by the Bell…I thought about Kelly.

Let me set the scene. It’s winter and Kelly and I stay after school to finish a project. But we don’t realize how late it’s getting. Oh no! We accidentally get trapped in the classroom and there’s no one else in the building! Oh no! And it’s getting cold because the head is turned off! What should we do? Cuddle to stay warm of course. And then umm…I have to kiss her because she’s scared.  Cuz I’m a chivalrous femme like that.  So yeah, maaaybbeee not such a late bloomer.

"The 90's" aka "The Golden Age of Fashion"

There it is. The universe put a pretty brunette with a  high-waist jeans/suspenders combo in front of my face and screamed “YOU LIKE THIS” and I still didn’t get it.

Even then I felt guilty for liking the most vapid cast member. I should have liked the feminist “don’t call me a chick, chick” Jessie Spano or at least the shrewd, if materialistic, Lisa Turtle. Instead I went for the vapid pretty chick.

Eek. So embarrassing.

Ask the Femme: How Do I Come Out To My Conservative Jewish Parents?

Tags

acceptance, bisexual, coming out, conservative, daughter, jewish, kate moennig, leopard, lesbian, LGBT, parents, Queer, religion, religious, Stereotypes, temple

Hi I'm Kate, I'm an out lesbian & I want to make out with Natasia...PSYCHE

Ahh coming out. Coming out is something LGBT people have to do everyday, to varying degrees of anxiety. No one ever tells you that when you are a little baby queer do they? Everytime you meet someone new you will have to come out. It’s going to happen at work, at the doctors office, in line at the grocery store. Coming out isn’t a singular act. It will be a rolling theme of your life. Eventually, you will get so used to it that you will barely notice when it’s happening anymore. The hardest people to tell are usually your own parents. It’s time to get serious over at HotFemme HeadQuarters and answer the hard questions.

Hi. (: I found your blog this week and I was really inspired. I’ve just recently accepted the fact that I am a lesbian and I wanted to ask you a question. When is the best time to come out to your parents? I live with them and they are very conservative Jewish. I just feel like they won’t accept it, or me. Maybe I’m being too dramatic?

Drama Queen

Hi DQ,

First-Thanks and Mazel Tov on being a huge muffdiver! It’s a pretty exclusive club. I know cuz I’m a member.

Okay, now let’s get down to business. You are not being dramatic. People have a lot of highly charged feelings about LGBT people. Especially when it comes to their own children. Even people who are “Okay with Gay!” can be upset if they find out their child is gay. This goes for people

of all races and religions. Of course, it goes without saying that if you come from a conservative religious background you are more likely to face rejection from your relatives. Sad but true and there are exceptions to every rule (so no one start hating on me.) There probably isn’t a “best time” to come out to your parents. But there are sensitive, caring ways to do so.

Don't come out at Temple or while wearing leopard print. That's a whole world of inconsiderate.

Let me preface this by saying, if you live with your parents because they are your financial support you might want to wait until you are able to support yourself before you tell them. This way if they throw you out for being gay, you can still take care of yourself. Living an honest life is great, but being homeless=bad.

Your parents might just be waiting for you to spill your guts.

There is also a chance that your parents already have some idea that you might be a gay lady. After all, they have known you all your life.

So after a nice family dinner one night, tell your parents you want to have a serious talk with them. Sit them down and tell them that you love them and you know they love you unconditionally. (Take advantage of some of that Jewish guilt, girl.) Then say something along the lines of “I’m a lesbian (queer/gay/bi) and I hope that won’t change the way you view me or our relationship.”

Be prepared to have to answer some tough questions liiike: “Are you sure?” “How do you know?” “Have you ever been with a woman?” “How do you know you just haven’t found the right man.” Let me tell you right now that you don’t need to have the answers to these questions right now, or ever. You don’t need to explain or justify yourself to anyone. The nuances of these questions for queer women are myriad and no one knows the answers. You are who you are, you love who you love.

My recommended response? “It’s just something I know in my heart.” Because it is. Be prepared for them to be shocked or hurt or mad. There is a chance they won’t accept you at first, give them time and patience. Offer them your love and acceptance, even if they withhold theirs. Even if it seems like they will never come around to accepting you, chances are eventually they will get used to it. They will see that you are still their little girl and the same amazing woman you have always been.

Good luck, DQ. Let me know how it goes.

Have a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com or send me a Facebook message! www.facebook.com/natasiarose