Interview with LEZ Factor Founder, Milly DuBouchet

Tags

bicurious, bisexual, boi, Dating, gay, lesbian, Lez, LEZ Factor, LGBT, Love, Meeting girls, NYC, Queer, relationships, Sex

“How do you meet women in New York City?” That’s probably the question I get asked the most. There’s a perception that because New York is a huge city, it’s easier to meet people. The truth is, it can make it even harder. People already have a set circle of friends and breaking into a clique is rough, no matter where you are.

LEZ Factor: Teaching Lesbians the Science of Chemistry
Photography by Lauren Marie Marsh http://www.laurenmariemarsh.com

That’s why I want to introduce all my readers to LEZ Factor. If you’re a queer girl in NYC, chances are you have seen LEZ Factor everywhere lately, at the Pride Parade and in your friends’ Facebook feeds. LEZ Factor is the newest and easiest way to meet women in NYC. I sat down with LEZ Factor founder, Milly DuBouchet, to get the inside scoop.

Hot Femme: How did you come up with the idea for LEZ Factor? How long have you been around?

Milly Dubouchet: I’m in a loving, committed, long-term relationship – and I couldn’t be happier with life because of it. I guess I just wish everyone experienced the same type of love. That life-changing love. I figured I had to start somewhere, and I truly feel that a lot of women are missing out because they struggle with very fundamental social sticking points that keep them from attracting the right woman. Essentially, I’m helping women ultimately get to point Z by hand-holding them through points A, B, C, and beyond. We’ve been producing events for women since March 2011 but officially launched our coaching services in November of last year.

HF: How did you meet your partner?

MD: Delia and I met at Syracuse University during our undergraduate studies. We took an Economics class together. I wanted her the moment she walked into the lecture hall! We spent years in a flirtatious whirlwind and when it happened, boy did it happen! I’ve never looked back since. No matter how many women I was dating in college; no matter how many wanted access to my heart, it wasn’t possible. Delia already had it in a choke hold! lol Seven years later and she’s still my world.

What’s better than going home with a hot girl? Going home with a hot girl and her girlfriend.

HF: What makes you stand out from other dating services?

MD: LEZ Factor only caters to lesbian, bisexual, and bicurious women, so that sets us apart. It’s a “for us, by us” type of company. We’re also young, hip, and really big on dating with integrity. We encourage women to be their best selves and to challenge themselves to be the creators of their own romantic success. We’re not matchmakers and we’re sort of the antithesis of online dating! We’ll support you if you choose to date 5 women at once, so long as you place a high priority on being honest with all of them. A lot of folks put basic moral values on the back-burner while they navigate the single life, which can be really detrimental to their dating success. We place a strong emphasis on doing the right thing when we advise women, and I think that’s pretty unique in this day and age!

HF: You offer extensive “training” for your members. Why do you think it’s so much harder for queer women to make a connection and how do you think your advice differs from standard “pick-up artist” advice? (i.e. Mystery from VH1)

MD: While queer women share a lot of the same challenges that straight women do, we also have a few nuances that complicate things. Straight women generally expect men to make the first approach. For us, it’s not as black and white. We also have feminine presenting women who also date feminine presenting women. Their challenge is being perceived as straight because they don’t physically look like a stereotypical lesbian. I can go on and on! LEZ Factor takes these factors into account when advising women. The standard “pick-up artist” advice is generally male-geared and sex specific. Their objective is to get men laid – period! Our mission is a lot more humble than that. We truly care about empowering women to love themselves so that they can attract the women they want from the inside out.

Milly wants hot women to wrap their legs around you. That’s sweet of her.

HF: What is the most common mistake that you see more queer girls making when it comes to their social lives?

MD: One thing I’m noticing more and more of is the growing trend of online dating. Queer women are opting to date via the Internet as opposed to getting out and meeting some real, 3-dimensional ladies. Dating online is the perfect vehicle to construct perfectly worded profiles and messages but once you meet her offline, real-life challenges set in. I encourage women to get off of their computers and put themselves out there from time to time. It’s the only real way to grow socially.

HF: What are the three most important qualities that a woman can exude in order to land her lady?

MD: Confidence, authenticity, and a little bit of allure (among other things) can be a deadly combination! A woman who is unapologetic about who she is can be incredibly attractive – as long as she’s a good person, of course! At LEZ Factor, there’s also something we call the “SCALE of Magnetism.” It’s our secret formula for attracting women with little effort. You’ll have to attend one of our workshops for the scoop. 😉

HF: You’re Latina! I am too, do you think that Latinas face any specific challenges when it comes to dating that other women don’t?

MD: Well, I can personally attest to the fact that as a Latina, I’ve dealt with a ton of challenges when I came out to my family. Our culture is not exactly welcoming of all things queer, so I had a difficult time being accepted. It took them a really long time to come around. Once they came to terms with things, everything turned out great, but it was tough! Aside from the coming out process, I think Latinas deal with a lot of the same issues other women do when it comes to dating.

Not ready for a relationship yet? LEZ Factor mixers are also a great way to make friends, that could become “more than friends” someday.

HF: LEZ Factor also hosts events, tell me about them.

We host bi-monthly mixers to give women a chance to meet other women in a more intimate setting. We create a structure for them to practice their social skills while they talk about women and dating. It’s not the typical mixer where women are given a name-tag and sent off to network on their own. We create ice-breakers, burning topics, and break-out groups so they know exactly what the topic of discussion is, exactly what group of women they’ll speak to and for how long, and we give out fun prizes. 75 to 100 women in a room – all talking about women at once – is incredibly dynamic. It’s like an after-work mixer on steroids! lol

HF: Tell me about your partnership with Babeland, an LGBT friendly sex positive retailer.

MD: Babeland is an awesome establishment. They loved our concept and have been incredibly supportive of us since the beginning. We reached out to them for sponsorship in the form of giveaways for our launch party and they went above and beyond to be helpful. We’ve established a wonderful relationship ever since, and even produced some events together recently. I look forward to working more closely with them as we continue to build our brand.

Interested in finding out more? Find LEZ Factor online at www.lezfactor.com

Keep up with them on:

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Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

Tags

boi, cute girl, Dating, femme, friend zone, gay, He's Not That Into You, Hot Girl, lesbian, LGBT, Playa, Queer, rejection, relationship advice, relationships, Sex and the City, texting, The L word

This isn’t about getting the girl, it’s about getting the right girl.

“He’s Just Not That Into You” was a huge cultural sensation for straight women when it first debuted on Sex and the City. Since there, there has been a book and a movie to demonstrate all the rules that straight women should follow to ascertain if a guy is into her or not. I’m not going to lie, there are parts of this that drives me crazy, like advising straight women not to make the first move on a guy she likes and instead be hunted, Bambi style. BUT I can also see the benefits of moving on and not wasting your time on someone who doesn’t recognize how great you are. After my post last week, where I suggested that a woman who was recently single used the expression “not ready to date” as a way to blow an interested lady off, I decided maybe it’s time to talk about how to recognize when a girl likes you likes you, as opposed to just liking you. This is going to be a kinder, gentler version of the “Not That Into You” playbook.

She’s Not That Into You If She Doesn’t Contact You Back.

Because this is advice aimed for queer women, I’m going to skip “if she never contacts you first.” There’s always confusion about who should contact whom in the gay world , so never be shy about making the first move. If she likes you or is on the fence, making the first move always scores major points. Even if she’s a boi and you’re femme. (Watch this Vlog for more insight on that, boi’s love a femme who can take initiative)

OK, so let’s assume you’ve met the girl and contacted her either by text, email, phone call, Facebook message, etc. Annnnnd no response. Alright, maybe she didn’t see your communication or she was particularly busy and it got buried under an avalanche of emails. If you really liked her, contact her one more time. If you don’t hear from her within 24 hours, consider it a lost cause, move on and don’t contact her first again.

So cute together! Too bad She’s not over her ex and won’t ever bother texting this girl back.

Yes, there’s a million reasons you didn’t hear from her. But there’s so many ways to get in touch now, that there’s really no excuse for her to ignore you after you messaged her twice. Except of course…that she’s not that into you.

She’s Not That Into You If She Never Asks You Questions. 

Me? I’m washing my cat tonight…and every night for the next year. I’m really too busy to date.

When a girl does this, it means she either doesn’t care about getting to know you or that she doesn’t want to encourage communication. Let’s look at some examples:

You: Hey, I hear that the weather in your town is great today!

Her: Yeah it is.

If she liked you, she would have found a reason to keep the conversation going, or even use it as a way to get you to hang out with her. Let’s try this conversation again and see the difference.

You: Hey, I hear that the weather in your town is great today!

Her: Yeah it is, I’m going to go to the beach later. Are you a beach person? Want to come with?

Getting the picture? Let’s try one more.

You: Tanya told me that you wrote your thesis on the suffrage movement as seen through the eye of Lord Byron’s poetic works. That’s so awesome, I love Byron too.

Her: Yeah, it was okay.

You: I’d love to read it.

Her: Sure.

If she was into you, and you were discussing her passion with her, she would take the opportunity to either gush about it, or ask a question about you. In this case, she could have asked what your favorite Byron poem is. (Which is why God invented Google)

Anywho, the point is, you want a crush that ways to know about you as much as you want to know about her.

She’s Not That Into You If She Friend Zone’s You. 

Lesbi-friends…or make out.

There’s a lot of different signs that you’ve been put into the Friend Zone by a crush. Let’s start this section off with a confession, in my post last week, I said in response to a commenter, that “if she tries to set you up with someone else, she’s not that into you.” But I’ve totally done this. In college, I was in a long distance relationship  with Shane when I met Bette (names have been changed). I thought Bette was amazing! So much fun, cuddly, smart, artistic and I could tell she was feeling me too. But Bette also liked my friend Tina. So I set Tina and Bette up, they liked each other but were too shy to get anything off the ground. When Shane and I broke up, I started dating Bette, almost immediately. Right.
So let’s say, “if she’s single and she tries to set you up with someone else, she’s not that into you.”

Some other examples of Friend Zoning include:

Telling you about her crushes/hot women…constantly. Everyone does it once in awhile, but if you’re all like “Let’s get ice cream” and she’s like “OMG there’s this girl in my yoga class, sooo hot, she loves ice cream.”

Do you see what she did there? She didn’t say “I’d love to see you” or “What flavor are you getting?” So she’s your friend and she likes you, but you’re pretty far from her thoughts romantically.

If she flirts, but never delivers

Some women are natural flirts. If she confuses you by saying things like “we would be perfect for each other!” but always flakes out when you try to set up a date, or flat out ignores any serious attempts at dating, she doesn’t actually think you are perfect for her. Or if you do get her on a date and then after that she only wants to see you in a group of friends, it means she doesn’t want to continue dating you, but does care about you as a friend.

I probably get the most “Ask the Femme” questions revolving around women who give “mixed signals” because they are flirty and flakey. In some cases, these women are leading you on on purpose. Some people keep admirers around to boost their ego. The only way to get the attention of someone like this is to ignore her. Once you do, you might realize that you weren’t that into her.

If Someone Isn’t Into You, Don’t View it as Rejection

Find the girl that’s into you and don’t settle for less.

If a woman isn’t into you, don’t take it as rejection. It’s not. It just means that you aren’t the right choice for her right now. Maybe she has to grow, maybe you do, or maybe you two just aren’t meant to be. But you can’t wait around for someone who may or may not “come around.” Honestly, life is too short. Find a girl who gets butterflies every time you text her, who blushes when you flirt with her and who is as crazy about you as you are about her.

The Minority Report: Femmes-Ask That Boi Out!

Tags

advice, AG, Ask Her Out, bar, boi, butch, club, Dating, dinner, femme, gay, in the club, lesbian, LGBT, nightlife, pick up lines, Queer, stud

Oh man, this cat has no filter! He just says what's on his mind, he don't care!

Tis the season to be full and lazy! I know that after the holiday rush, I’m exhausted. If you’re like me, you’re not going to ask any one out until you’ve hit the gym for a few weeks. So let’s sit on the sidelines for a minute and strategize.

Femmes, are you tired of not getting dates because no one can look at you and tell you’re gay? It’s time to take matters into your own hands and walk up to the hot girl at the bar and ask her out. Sometimes, a femme just has to take her fate into her own hands! Check out mine and Cynthia’s tips for approaching a girl and leave your own in the comments.

A Crush is Born

Tags

boi, Cat Cora, Elizabeth Faulkner, hot, Iron Chef, Iron Chef America, lesbian, LGBT, Queer, reality tv, The Food Network, The Next Iron Chef, TV

Holiday FAIL? I haz it

It’s been awhile hasn’t it? I hope you all are surviving the holiday season a little better than Hot Femme has. Anyway, besides my guilt over not having my tree up and not yet calling back the many relatives who I’m lucky enough to have love me, I’ve been thinking about something…GAY. Shocking right?

I rarely get crushes on celebrities, they’re so girly. I’m sure that a lot of femmes have the same problem I have. It’s not that I don’t think celebrities aren’t beautiful, it’s just that I don’t want to sleep with them. Just like I don’t get crushes on straight women in everyday life, most celebrities don’t give me a lady boner. I like girls who look like boys. Long flippy hair, cleavage and mile long eyelashes don’t do it for me. I can’t fantasize about Shane from The L Word and Rachel Maddow forever.

Ok...so I can crush on Rachel forever BUT a girl needs some variety

So ladies, want to know the hot new boi in town? Chef Elizabeth Falkner.

You're Welcome. (image via http://www.thefoodnetwork.com)

Chef Falkner has been on my radar for a few years actually. I first noticed the bleach blond pastry chef when she started appearing on Food Network Challenges. The problem? She made crazy avant garde ‘desserts’ that didn’t look very appetizing and that doesn’t get my kitchen very hot. But as of this week she was the runner up on The Food Network’s Next Iron Chef competition and bitch should have won. The combination of ‘boi’ + ‘incredible talent’ + ‘food’ = too hot for words.

Team Falker! (image via http://www.thefoodnetwork.com)

Faulkner lost the competition, which broke my heart. Not only because I was THIS CLOSE to seeing her on TV every week, but because if she had won she would have replaced out chef Cat Cora. Cora was the only female Iron Chef and one of my fave celesbians. Cora left “Iron Chef” without any explanation, but I would assume that her skyrocketing career and four children probably had something to do with her decision to leave the show.

Did I mention how hot Cat is?

Even hotter when she does shots at the end of each battle

Erm, I guess to sum up this post: There was almost a really hot boi on TV for you to oogle every week, instead of the stereotypical hotties that Hollywood churns out like Happy Meals. But, if you would like to oogle Chef Falkner from the privacy of your own computer, you can check her out here: http://elizabethfalkner.com/bio.html

Don’t say I never gave you anything! So what do you think, is Chef Falkner hot or not?

It’s Liebster Blog Award Time!

Tags

boi, femme, grrl, lesbian, LGBT, Queer, The Liebster Blog Award

Whoy, Ah gots me an award Oi did! (that's my Cockney accent)

The lovely Conchsaladesque gave me a Liebster blog award! Woohoo. I rarely win anything, so this is a pretty big deal in Hot Femme land. Ahem, even if it came with the caveat that you need to read a few of my posts before you ‘get it.’ That’s her subtle way of saying, “this chick is cray cray.” But I’ll take it!

The Liebster Blog Award is all about  spotlighting newer, up-and-coming blogs that typically have less than 200 followers. 200 huh? To quote Petey Pablo, I ain’t quite there yet, but I’m getting better at it. Like Fight Club, there are rules to getting a Liebster Blog Award. Let’s peruse them together.

The Rules of Acceptance:

• Copy and paste the award on your blog
• Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you
• Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
• Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

Does this sound kind of like a chain letter? Yeaaahhh. Iz ok. I don’t know how to choose just FIVE blogs to recommend, because I read and love a whole bunch. But I guess here are the ones I’m the most obsessed with.

Camilla at Girls Are Made of Pepsi: Camilla is the authority on all things queer. She’s smart, funny, fashionable and has a knack for knowing the kind of pop culture stories that interest 20-something lezzies. Also- she’s just supa fly.

Bren at Buzz Cuts and Bustiers: This is one of the first WordPress blogs I read. I love it! Bren is the ultimate expert on queer boi/grrl stuff. Anyone who loves all things boi needs to check it out, ASAP.

Lame Adventures Woman at Lame Adventures: The writing on this blog is tight. Lame Adventures takes everyday tasks and makes them hilarious. I have literally snorted coffee out of my nose while reading, so be prepared.

The Queer Girl in the City:  I like this blog because it’s honest and fun but also highlights some important issues like sexism, misogyny and homophobia. It takes skill to tackle issues like this in a relatable way, but she def does.

Tatiana at ParisianFeline: Very few things leave me speechless, but this blog usually does. Tatiana tackles topics such as beauty and the meaning of friendship in a way that will make you think…for awhile. She wrote one of my favorite blog posts ever with: Being Ugly and the Power of Beauty 

Ack! There are a ton of other blogs I want to include. Basically, if I take the time to comment on your blog, it means I heart you and your writing. Happy Saturday everyone!

Sexy Lesbian Halloween Costumes For 2011

Tags

batman, boi, Catwoman, cheerleader, costumes, femme, football, grrl, Halloween, halloween costumes, harley quinn, Kendra, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, playboy, poison ivy, Queer, Sex, stud, superheroes

Halloween! It’s one of those holidays you either love, hate or love to hate or hate to love! It’s my favorite drunken holiday, so I think I’m in the hate to love category

This is how a femme can be a football player! (via http://www.3wishes.com)

. This year, I’m being a pirate. My past costumes include Xena, Princess Leia (gold bikini style), Scarlett O’Hara, Britney Spears (Puerto Rican style), a gypsy and a sailor.

Umm…sometimes I go wear more than one costume on Halloween. Anywho, I’ve got some great ideas as to what YOU should wear if you are here and queer this Halloween season. How did I pick these costumes? They’re the ones that I’d like to see you wearing.

Athlete

Some of us need to buy costumes for this and some of us can just wear what we wear out on the field. Softball player is one of my favorite costumes. It’s a good look and it works for femmes, studs and everything in between!

Not into softball? You can substitute any sport. I’ve seen a few really cute football costumes for femmes (see picture). I ALMOST went with this costume this year, but in the end I decided that requires too much ab work. If you are going as a couple- try football player and cheerleader or basketball player and stepper. This can also work for groups and you can even have someone dress up as the referee! Playboy does a really cute referee costume, modeled by reality star ( and rumored bisexual) Kendra.

Want her to call the shots? (via http://www.partycity.com)

Police Woman/Fire Fighter/Military Servicewoman

Who doesn’t love a woman in uniform! Police woman is always hot because of the handcuffs and a fire fighter has a huge hose. If you want to look hot AND celebrate the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, go as a member of our armed forces! Activists are always sexy. The plus with these costumes is that you can find variations with skirts, pants or shorts. So you can stay in your comfort zone and rock it out.

Stud? Boi? Femme? How can a costume exist that everyone can wear? Here it is! (via http://www.3wishes.com)

Gangsta

Lesbians love hats. This costume has a fedora. You love it, your girlfriend loves it, even your ex-girlfriend loves it but she’ll never tell YOU about it. She’s not gonna give you the satisfaction. Sorry! If you are a huge playa, this is the costume for you. Ladies love a bad girl.

You want this fedora. I know you do. Just admit it, girl. (via http://www.3wishes.com)

Superhero

Queer girls can kick ass. What better way to show that on Halloween than by dressing up as your favorite superhero! Wonderwoman is a classic and a great choice for raven haired ladies. Supergirl is good for blondes and Catwoman is good for EVERYBODY.

It can also be good for couples. Want to know my dream couple Halloween costume? Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn from Batman. As I’ve mentioned on this blog before, I’m going to be a pirate this year. What are you going as? Are you doing any cute couple/group themes? Let me know about it in the comments!

Who's going to dress up with me next year?! (via http://www.comicvine.com)

Fall 2011 Nail Colors for Grrls and Bois

Tags

2011, autumn, body image, boi, Essie, fall, Fall 2011, Fashion, femme, grrl, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, nail polish, OPI, Queer, trends

Despite the fact that I’m trying to hold onto summer tooth and nail, it appears that Fall is upon us. The only upside to summer being over is that fall fashion is one of the best times of the year. Knee high boot season? Yes please.

I have to admit I’m in a bit of a fall nail polish rut. Ever since OPI came out with their Russian line in 2007, I’ve been keeping my nails short and dark through fall and winter and covered in Midnight in Moscow. I prefer it to the other OPI fall/winter staple Lincoln Park After Dark because of it’s ruby undertones.

So I’m going to start shaking it up and luckily this season there are tons of awesome, surprisingly gender neutral tones to choose from. Taupes, greys, greens and dark blues and purples are in, so even if you can’t share your girlfriend’s clothes because they aren’t your style/size, at least you two can share nail polish this fall!

Power Clutch by Essie via http://www.mynailpolishonline.com

Let’s start with Essie’s Power Clutch. The color is a gray-green and it’s cute and edgy without being too feminine. Grrls can use this color to add an edge to their look and boi’s who like to paint their nails will find this to be a great alternative to black. Personally I plan to rock this color with a lacy pink tube dress and a leather jacket. OPI has a similar color for this fall, called “Uh Oh Roll Down the Window” which is inspired by New York City. It’s more of an olive green and def worth checking out for girls who are into green but don’t want to look like they have grass growing on their fingernails.

A Taupe the Space Needle via http://www.nailstah.com

OPI is also getting into the gender-neutral trend this season with “A Taupe the Space Needle.” This color is inspired by Seattle, WA and is a pretty taupe with camel undertones. Grrls can match their fishnets to this color while bois can rock it with a burgundy tie. For those of you who want your taupe without the hint of brown, you can

French Quarter for Your Thoughts

check out Essie’s Glamour Purse, which is a truer taupe. Or, as they describe it on their website “almond taupe.”

If it’s grey you are after, a great choice is “French Quarter for Your Thoughts” by OPI. This color is inspired by (duh) New Orleans Lousiana!  Grey goes with everything and will give you a clean and professional look, while still being unique.

I got my nails done yesterday and I chose Essie’s Sexy Divide (what does that even mean?). It’s a purple so dark it’s almost black. I love it but it’s a little too close to Midnight in Moscow, so I think I’m going for Power Clutch next time.

What will you be wearing this fall?

Sexy Divide via http://www.beautyofnewyork.com

Disclaimer: I don’t get any kickbacks from OPI or Essie, they just happen to be the only brands I wear. But if you are reading marketing teams, a kickback would be awesome, thanks!