Ask the Femme: Why are Women Using me for Sex?

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bar, bisexual, casual sex, club, dancing, Dating, gay, gym, hooking up, hot girls, lbq, lesbian, LGBT, LTR, online, online dating, Queer, relationships, Sex, where to meet women

Nice boobs...do you want to give me your number? This may or may not be a great start to the romantic relationship you want.

Do you feel like women are just using you for sex? Yes, mainstream America. Women enjoy sex and no matter what Sex and the City tells you, we are capable of no strings attached sex…even lesbians. Do all your dates turn into hook-ups or one night stands? Let’s turn that around.

Hi Natasia,

I was kind of an ugly duckling, I’ve been hot for about a year now and at first it was great. I didn’t realize how easy it would be for me to meet women. I’m a nester and it seems like all the girls I date just want to use me for sex, one night stands, two night stands, bootycalls whatever. I’ve been dating for like 10 months now and it keeps happening. I meet girls in bars and clubs, but also through mutual friends and at the gym.

I think maybe part of it might be because sometimes they are too much younger than I am, I’m late 20s and sometimes I end up with girls in their early 20s. I think it could be a cultural thing too. I’m Brazilian and sex and passion mean different things to me than they do to some American girls. I take it to heart. I don’t think these women see all the potential I see in them…or maybe I’m just being too nice. I’ve always been inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt. One girl told me that we wouldn’t just have sex…then of course we did, cuz I have no will power! How do I turn these girls into potential romantic partners instead of just sex partners?

– Too Sexy Nester

Hi Nester,

It sucks to feel like you are being used for sex! There is definitely a disconnect between the way you are approaching these women and the way they are approaching you. The gym and mutual friends are a great way to meet women, bars and clubs, not as great, but it’s important that you keep putting yourself out there. So keep meeting women at the gym and through mutual friends, but make sure they are closer to your age range. Although there aren’t as many years between you and girls in their early 20s, people change a lot during those years and early 20s are usually for partying. You can tell your friends who want to play matchmaker that you are looking for girlfriend material, that might keep them from introducing you to the town stud.

It’s not impossible to meeting a girl in bar/club and start a relationship with her, but it’s less likely. Meeting someone in a bar makes your appearance the most important thing to her (that’s why she brought you that drink right?) so take looks out of the equation and try some LGBT volunteer work. This way the women you meet know something important about your personality right off the bat and are drawn to your altruism instead of your pretty face. Also, try online dating. I know, I know, it seems awful, but it’s a great way to weed out the girls who are just looking for sex and find the ones that are looking to settle down.

If you are looking for a relationship online, don't make your profile pic something too provocative. It could attract women for the wrong reason. Make it something sweet that shows who you are. On a side note, I totally have this bikini.

Sigh and now…the Rule. I hate the Rule because it’s so archaic BUT if you are looking for a serious partner…you are going to have to make her work to get you in bed. I would recommend waiting a month from the first date before you get busy in the sheets. This serves two purposes: 1) It will get rid of the girls who aren’t serious about you and can’t see how amazing you are and that you are worth waiting for. 2) It will protect your heart and make you feel less bad when a girl calls it quits. If sex makes you feel prematurely attached to someone before you really know them, wait! If you feel used by these women, break the cycle now, before it gets worse.

Good luck Nester! I hope you find what you are looking for. Keep me updated!

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Dancing With The Lesbians

Tags

bar, bars, boriqua, club, clubs, dance, dancing, golden girls, hetero, in da club, ladies night, Latina, lesbian, LGBT, lgq, nightlife, nuts, Queer, rhythm

They look like they want to get the party started up in this b*tch! And you know what? I'm down.

I love dancing. After I strolled in early Saturday morning, my wife turned to me and asked “When are you going to be too old for this?” I’m pretty sure the answer is never. When my friends and I are Golden Girls, I hope that we are still dancing on tables at Senior’s Bingo Night.

I don’t think I’m too old. But there is another problem. I’ve completely forgotten how to dance with men. I don’t understand their rhythm or their bodies. It wasn’t always like this. When I was younger, I loved dancing with guys. That was high on my list of regular activities, go to frat parties, dance with guys and wake up the next morning to study.

When I was 20, I started making the transition from dancing with guys, to dancing with girls. Not like, straight girl on straight girl “ladies night” type of dancing, like real “maybe I’ll get lucky later” kind of dancing.

It was hard.

The first girl I danced with was another Latina, taller than me with long curly black hair perfectly styled to look wet and large hoop earrings with her name spelled out inside the hoop. A group of us met up before the party. Our conversation went like this:

Boriqua NYC style: totes my type

Girl: Look! We’re both wearing sneakers!

Me: Yep! Guess we’re the gay ones.

Girl: Hahaha!

And then she kissed me. She thought I was funny and a kiss? I was pretty sure I had this in the bag. We got to the party and hit the dance floor. I was too confident. Both from the kiss and the numerous compliments I was used to getting on my dancing skills. Usually I danced around the guy, daring him to try and keep up and then eventually giving in with some closer dancing. Which is exactly what this girl did to me. And I couldn’t keep up. Every time I matched her rhythm with my hips she would switch it up and leave me in the dust again.

I felt like a big clumsy man. It totally blew.

Let's play spot the lesbian!

Luckily, I now have plenty of experience dancing with women and it’s a pleasurable experience for everyone. Especially for women who enjoy being picked up ‘Thunder Down Under’ style. But that’s a story for another time.

While my lady dancing skills have improved, my hetero dancing skills have totally disappeared. Usually when I go out to straight clubs I try to dance by myself and deflect the grenades that come my way by ducking behind my friends. Once in awhile, I will dance with a straight man, if I notice he has moves I’ll let him dance with me. This happened the other night and um. It didn’t end well for him. In addition to being completely confused about the way this guy was moving, I also forgot that he had anything between his legs. Basically, I kneed a perfectly nice guy in the nuts by accident.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Yup. So, is it easier for you to dance with men or women? Ever almost give someone a significant groin injury? Erm…I can’t be the only one right? …Right? Anyone?

The Minority Report: Femmes-Ask That Boi Out!

Tags

advice, AG, Ask Her Out, bar, boi, butch, club, Dating, dinner, femme, gay, in the club, lesbian, LGBT, nightlife, pick up lines, Queer, stud

Oh man, this cat has no filter! He just says what's on his mind, he don't care!

Tis the season to be full and lazy! I know that after the holiday rush, I’m exhausted. If you’re like me, you’re not going to ask any one out until you’ve hit the gym for a few weeks. So let’s sit on the sidelines for a minute and strategize.

Femmes, are you tired of not getting dates because no one can look at you and tell you’re gay? It’s time to take matters into your own hands and walk up to the hot girl at the bar and ask her out. Sometimes, a femme just has to take her fate into her own hands! Check out mine and Cynthia’s tips for approaching a girl and leave your own in the comments.

You’re Going to Have to Pay For That

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bar, bouncer, club, cover, Dating, drinking, dyke bar, femme, friends, gay, girl bar, girls, grrl, Hot Girl, in the club, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer

Grabbing your friends ass probably won't get you into the grrl bar for free, but I'll be impressed

“Three for two discount?” My pretty straight friend purred to the bouncer outside NYC’s biggest dyke bar. “Nice try, sweetheart.” The bouncer replied. We forked over ten more dollars for the privilege of entry. Luckily for me, my straight friends are more than happy to pay the cover if it means they can drink and dance without men coming up to us every minute. They already know the drill, you’re not getting into the dyke bar for free.

At straight bars, I’m usually able to talk someone into letting me skip the line or the cover or both. At lesbian parties/bars I’ve gotten in for free once…ONCE!

Even she's only gotten in free once

There’s a few reasons for this. Lesbians tend to nest and stay home once they find their girlfriend. This gets even worse in the winter, when most of you just choose a girlfriend from the stable of girls you are currently dating specifically in order to avoid having to go out in a miniskirt when it’s cold. Yes, that’s a great reason to get into a relationship. Anywho, what this means is that the revenue for places that are lez bars 24/7 drops like your ex’s panties when she sees a girl with a lipring. Therefore, the prices for those of us who actually go are jacked up in order to keep the bar in business.

Basically, if we don’t pay the cover, NYC could end up like another major city (I’m looking at you Boston) that doesn’t have ANY 24/7 grrl bars. That would be a disaster. I’m sad just thinking about it.

No dyke bars? But where will I go to find my own kind?

The other reason is more irritating. Lesbians don’t care how cute you are. They really don’t. The bouncer knows that even if she turns you and your fabulous boobs away, there will be another great pair around the corner, who won’t complain about paying the cover.

I'll pay the cover...and make out with your girlfriend while your cheap butt is at home

The only way to get around paying covers or waiting on line is to become friends with the bouncer/bartender/owner. The owner of the bar, being the best option, so shoot for that one. I’m not talking like BS, shoot the breeze whenever you walk in kind of way. I’m not even talking in the dating kind of way. Dating any of the three people I mentioned is more likely to get you banned from the bar than in for free. You need to bring her soup when she’s sick, watch her dog when she goes on vacation and help her move when her girlfriend finds out about the chick with the faux hawk.

Yeah, this one

Is that worth it to skip paying the cover? Probably not. So we’ll just all keep paying, cuz lesbians are so awesome to party with that any cover would be worth it. Errmm…right?