• About

Hot Femme in the City

~ Just a girl, writing about girls in NYC

Hot Femme in the City

Tag Archives: coming out

Interview with Musician Sierra West

24 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Celebrities, Music, Sexy Ladies

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Alternative Rock, animal, artist, Break ups, Celebrities, coming out, ellen, Entertainment, healing, Interview, joan baez, lesbian, LGBT, Love, music, Queer, relationship, Sierra West, U Haul

Image courtesy of http://www.sierrarocks.com

Sierra West is the latest talented queer lady to hit the music scene hard. West released her latest LP, “Hold Your Fire” in early September. Her sound is soothing, with an edge and her lyrics are sprinkled with metaphors referencing nature. West turned to music after the sudden loss of her brother to a drunk driver and her pain, love and hope is reflected in her sound. The openly lesbian animal lover chatted with me about music, break-ups, U-hauls and animals. What more could you want in a gay lady interview?!

Hot Femme: When did you discover your passion for music?

Sierra West: I’ve always loved living and creating music. I suppose it became my passion in high school after a difficult break-up.  However, it became my career focus at UVM in Chittenden Hall when my new friend Dawn made me play in the hallway for all the girls on our floor. I never had so much fun. I later became one of the first performers at Radio Bean (Burlington, VT), which was quite a change from secretly playing and writing in my room at home. I have been playing out ever since. I will always be a writer and musician, perhaps I always was.

HF: What was your first song about?

SW: My Aunt Joanie secretly taped me singing in my room when I was around the age of 5. She mailed me the tape for my 18th birthday and one song was about my best friend Brooke, her older sister, and gymnastics. It’s pretty funny. I wrote other songs in 8th grade that were more environmental. I remember submitting to a magazine as a school assignment in which Jackson Browne would cover the song if it won. Mine was not chosen, but it was about saving dolphins and I bet it made someone smile.

HF: You’ve mentioned that Joan Baez and Bob Dylan are two of your most important musical influences, what is it about their music that you relate too?

SW: I really connect with the raw content, the lyrics, and the history behind the stories. They are the artists who opened my eyes to folk music. Actually, Ani DiFranco made me aware of folk artists like Woody Guthrie and Utah Phillips much along the same path. They were creating a movement, a community, a way of living. They didn’t just write songs, they changed lives…and still do.

Image courtesy of http://www.sierrarocks.com

HF: You’re here and queer; has that had any impact on your music?

SW: Absolutely, it keeps it interesting. In fact, I have performed at several Dyke March Fundraisers and opened for a few drag shows. One more recently in Northampton, MA called “Suicide is a Drag” for the Mass Coalition for Suicide Prevention. Being “here and queer” requires combating a lot of hatred, fear, and loneliness. It is important to be open and help other people feel supported and less alone.

HF: You’re a super huge animal lover, working as a vet tech and donating regularly to animal shelters….which is pretty par for the course for lesbians. Why do you think we all love animals so much?

SW: I actually never correlated the two together aside from knowing how much Ellen DeGeneres supports animal causes, but now that you ask I can see why. I wanted to be a veterinarian since I was four years old, but I didn’t realize I was queer until my senior year in high school. I can’t speak for everyone, but I imagine it is because animals usually don’t judge people or discriminate against them. They love unconditionally. Judgment comes with a history of abuse or trauma. I think it is our duty to speak for them and help calm their fear. We practice compassion and forgiveness because we are challenged on a daily basis. We combat fear every day.

HF: Have you ever U-hauled with a girlfriend and then written a song about it?

SW: I haven’t, but I did just U-haul all the way across the country for love. Maybe now is the time for that song to come out!

HF: To take a serious turn, fans may not know this, but you lost your brother to a drunk driver suddenly when you were a teenager. How has music helped you heal from your loss?

SW: Music is the only thing that keeps me sane when I think about it. I not only lost a brother and all of the friends we shared at the time, but I lost my unconditional best friend for life. The healing is never complete; it just changes form and reveals itself in new ways. He was a musician as well, an extraverted, fun-loving people person. I was very shy and quiet, but we shared music all the time. I know we would be performing together if he were here. He is with me every time I sing.

HF: Which songs (both of yours and in general) would you recommend for people who are suffering from the loss of a loved one?

SW: I wrote a song called “21” for Jay when I was 17 on my self-made album Depleted Oxygen. I have written others, but have yet to put them on an album. The three songs that currently jump out at me are “Send Me On My Way” by Rusted Root (which was dedicated to him at a live show the summer after it happened), “Horses” by Rickie Lee Jones, and “Goodbye” by Patty Griffin. In general, anything that gets the emotions out.

HF: Your latest album, “Hold Your Fire,” was released earlier this month. What are some of the themes you explore and what message do you want listeners to walk away with.

SW: I explore various themes, but the most important message from the album comes from “Good Enough” because it deals with rejection and self-doubt. My favorite line from that song is “you want the castle, but not the sand”. I want listeners to overcome not being accepted. If a person doesn’t like you, a college doesn’t accept you, a radio station won’t play you, a job falls through, you don’t get picked for the team, or you don’t win the contest of your dreams or get the gig…just keep trying. Someone will think you’re good enough the way you are if you keep trying. It’s about stamina.

HF: You recently moved from Boston to San Diego, where can locals go to hear you?

SW: I will be attending and volunteering at the Independent Music Conference in LA October 18-21st (http://www.indiemusicon.com) and attending the HMMA as a nominee for “Hold Your Fire” (http://www.hmmawards.org) in LA November 15th. As a new artist unfamiliar with the area, I will explore the open mic circuit, especially at LeStat’s Coffee House on Tuesday nights. I will have a performance with ListenLocalSD (http://www.listenlocalsd.com) in the future and am very excited to build a fan base here. I hope to become well acquainted with the Belly Up (about a ten-minute walk from my new home) and have a community much like the one I had back east at Passim. For now, the best way to hear my music is online through my website, which will connect you to me through any link of your choice (http://www.sierrarocks.com).

NYC Fringe Festival Reviews: “Hadrian’s Wall” and “June and Nancy”

19 Sunday Aug 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Entertainment

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

actors, Arts, coming out, Entertainment, Fringe Festival, gay, Hadrian's Wall, Hollywood, indie, June and Nancy, lesbian, LGBT, Love, NYC, NYC Fringe Festival, NYC Theater, Plays, Queer, relationships, reviews, Theater

Hot Femme, coming to a theater near you

The New York City Fringe Festival features almost two hundred different plays each August and showcases them at various theaters around the city. The plays are a great way to appreciate the glut of amazing talent that surrounds us. As well as explore new neighborhoods to get wastey-pants in, but I digress.

The two plays I went to this week were both queer themed (what a surprise!) The first one I want to talk about is “June and Nancy.” In this play, June, a 1950’s housewife and aspiring artist is stuck in a rut. She doesn’t want the “Happily Ever After” that other women her age want and she starts drinking as a way of coping. One day, she runs into the recently unemployed Nancy, a career woman who is struggling with sexism in the workplace in a time before “sexism” was even considered a problem.

To summarize the plot in this way, doesn’t do it justice. This play is more than the sum of it’s parts. It’s an exploration of fear and hope and the ways in which they can drive us to fulfill our desires or construct prisons of our own making. Michelle Ramoni plays the titular June, and she also is the playwright of this piece. She throws herself headlong into her world. She believes in this alternate plane of reality in a way that is infectious. She writes June and Nancy’s love story in a way that feels true. It will remind you of every time you have ever fallen in love. The surprise of the shared interests and passions are new and exciting for both Nancy and June and the audience. Gabrielle Maisels plays Nancy and she has incredible chemistry with Ramoni. One can tell Maisels is a seasoned actress in the way each of her movements is perfectly timed and measured, even when assisting in changing the scenery in between acts. She’s a joy to watch. Plus she takes her top off and as Nancy exclaims, her “breasts are perfect.”

The supporting cast, Jeffery Coyne as June’s husband and Peter Daniel Straus as Nancy’s BFF flesh out the cast. One gets the sense that the entire cast studied 50’s films in order to infuse their characters with the appropriate mannerisms of the time. If you only see one Fringe play, I would make this this one. I laughed, I cried and then went home and cried some more. Go to http://juneandnancy.com/ for showtimes and tickets.

I also saw “Hadrian’s Wall,” a play about an archeologist who has let her professional life crumble when she is investigated for stealing an important artifact from a potential digging site. Ramona is a shut-in, whose only contact with the outside world is a married ex-boyfriend, who is her best friend and also defending her in the investigation. Ramona’s life is turned upside down when a sexy grad student, Amy, delivers her library books and awakens her passion for archeology and hot, hot lesbian sex.

This play is at it’s best when it’s deep. When it delves into the motivations behind exes who stay friends and when it explores the depths of love scorned and the jealousy and destruction that it can wreck. It is also funny and sexy, with Rebecca White as Amy providing the dykey cheesecake. It’s also great to see a play that has a lesbian relationship, without being a traditional “coming out story.” I love a good coming out story, but it’s also nice to see queer women in stories that are about finding fulfillment outside of coming out. Like Hadrian’s Wall on Facebook to find out more about the cast and crew, as well as showtimes and tickets.

I’m shocked by how much I enjoyed both plays, especially since I’m not a big fan of sitting still and being quiet for an hour and a half. But I’ve been reminded that there are still artists with messages that are worth listening to. Do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time and 20$ to go see another canned Hollywood remake. Go to the Fringe Festival and enjoy the sharp, imaginative writing and talented, non-botoxed, actors. There’s about a week of Fringe left, don’t let August pass without getting to at least one: http://www.fringenyc.org/

Ask the Femme: She’s Not Ready For a Relationship

30 Wednesday May 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Ask the Femme, Coming Out, Dating, Relationships

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

advice, ask the femme, coming out, crushes, Dating, just not that into you, lesbian, Love, Queer, relationships

Welcome back to “Ask the Femme.” Where I field your questions on love and dating. This week, we have a woman who is worried that her crush “isn’t ready for a relationship right now.” 

Hi,

I recently ran into a woman I’ve had an eye on for years…. attractive, talented, all of that.  She was very sweet and friendly with me… and finally single!  But — she said she needed a “break” from the dating scene for a while.  Not really in the market now.  (I had never to my knowledge directly told or even hinted to her that I was queer before, but she seemed to casually know anyway.)  She said she could help introduce me to other girls maybe… but she’s who I really want!

Moreover, my mom has a particularly high regard for her as well, so she’s the only person I know of that my family would support initially rather than questioning like, “What is she DOING dating a woman??”  How do I resolve this?

Thank you,

WS

Hi WS,

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but the girl you want? She’s just not into you. I hate using that expression, because life isn’t black and white and sometimes timing is off, things come up, etc. But my gut feeling is that she’s being a good person (which is probably why you are so taken with her) and letting you down gently. Which doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you are great; she wouldn’t want to introduce you to her friends if she thought you were a dating dud.

I know, it stings, but it’s not personal! You can’t force chemistry.

I think that you SHOULD take her up on her offer to introduce you to other women, but do it in a way where you give her first dibs. Call her up, say “I’ve been thinking about your offer to introduce me to other girls, and I want to take you up on it. You’re the one I want, but if I can’t have you, I need to find someone else!” Which is completely true! Chances are if she really isn’t interested, she will laugh this off as a joke and your pride will still be intact. If she is interested, she will put the kibosh on introducing you around and take you up on your offer. Either way, you win. This woman probably knows other women who are as pretty, smart, talented, etc. as she is.

Hey girl…this is your last shot if you want alllllll this!

As for the family part, you might want to consider coming out to your family and getting them used to the idea that you will be dating women before you actually bring one home. You don’t want your poor girlfriend to have to deal with meeting the parents both as a new partner instead of having the”but you were straight before you met her” conversation.

Good luck, WS and keep in touch!

Have a question for me? Shoot me a Facebook message! 

The Minority Report: Are You Out At Work?

25 Wednesday Jan 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Coming Out, The Minority Report

≈ 29 Comments

Tags

coming out, Corporate America, gat, job, LGBT, Office, Queer, The Minority Report, Work

Do your coworkers know about your girlfriend? Did you mention that if they have any single, hot girlfriends your totally available? Oooorr do they think you have a boyfriend and that’s why you bolt out the door every night. Let me know if you are out at work, how you came out  or if you think it’s a bad idea in the comments!

The Minority Report: Hair Uncut

20 Thursday Oct 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Am I a jerk?, Beauty, Social Disease, The Minority Report

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

bisexual, body image, coming out, Dating, femme, friends, girls, Hair, haircut, hairstyle, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, Queer, relationships, Sex

Do YOU think I look cray cray?

Have you ever had a moment when you realized you’re kind of insane? My moment came when I was watching back the first episode of my new webseries, “The Minority Report.” The webisode “stars” me and fellow blog-a-holic Cynthia, chatting about queer hair and what it means to our community in terms of visibility and hotness. I’ve been on camera before, I’ve done interviews with rock grrl band Hunter Valentine, various LGBT directors, actresses and comedians. The comedians are probably my favorite, they crack me up.

All these really required of me is to sit there, ask questions based on hours of bordering on obsessive research, listen to the answer and smile. It worked. It also cloaked me in the illusion of sanity. The Minority Report was my first time on camera not delivering a straight forward interview and next to my composed and thoughtful counterpart…I realized…that I’m a little out there.

Perhaps I should have been clued into this when my college sorority gave me the nickname “Quiet Riot” as in “You aren’t the loudest girl but everything you say is funny.” In sorority-land being “funny” isn’t a great thing. It’s much better to be skinny. It’s also better to be straight but I never got with that program either. I think I’m comfortable with my new found realization of the scope of my crazy.

Here’s the video so you can assess it for yourself:

Some reactions to this video have been:

1) Don’t cut your hair

2) You’re so stupid

3) You’re Quinn from Daria

4) Don’t cut your hair

What do you think of it? The next few episodes of The Minority Report feature a third “panelist” and is more like The View…but crazy. Like everything I’m even remotely involved in.

The Minority Report originally appeared here: http://bgalife.com/?p=1165 If you NEED more Natasia, you can check out my youtube page here: http://www.youtube.com/user/etane?feature=mhee

How Do Lesbians…You Know…Do IT?

18 Sunday Sep 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Am I a jerk?, Ask the Femme, Coming Out, Social Disease

≈ 43 Comments

Tags

angelina jolie, coming out, femme, girl on girl, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer, Sex, The L word, vida guerra

girl - jolie 2 Pictures, Images and Photos

Bitch, I know you did NOT just ask me that.

This question usually comes around when you are least suspecting it. Probably when you are hanging out with a bunch of friends and friends of friends and having a few drinks. Everyone is having a good time. Then, someone asks you if you have a boyfriend and you say something like “No, I actually like girls.”

This is usually when it happens. Someone, male or female, it doesn’t matter, will bust out with: “BUT HOW DO TWO GIRLS HAVE SEX?” 

Other variations include (but are not limited to):

  1. Are you the one that wears the strap on?
  2. So…it’s…like…just oral sex?
  3. Are YOU the guy?
  4. Don’t you miss X male body part?
axe girl Pictures, Images and Photos

Homie don't play that.

So what do you? First, you shove the desire to punch this person in the face deep down inside. Violence never solves anything. Then, if you are like me, you freeze. It’s such an invasive thing to ask someone and every time it happens I feel like someone just tossed a bucket of ice water over my head.

I’ve decided to create a menu of responses to this question, so you can whip them out even if you are caught off guard!

1) “Calm down, perv! That’s none of your business.” or “ Ew, I don’t know, how do YOU have sex?” 

These approaches should shame whoever asked the question into shutting up and chances are your friends will change the topic. It’s always better to be sassy and sarcastic rather than bitchy. Let the other person be the a-hole in the situation.

 2) “Why don’t you ask your girlfriend/wife/mom/sister?” 

Vida Guerra Pictures, Images and Photos

If you really hit it, you might want to keep your big dyke mouth shut.

Obvs you should say this in a joking manner. Esp if you want to avoid a fist fight. I’ve noticed from personal experience that it shuts people up quick. Again, don’t be dead serious when you say this, even if it’s true. Humor is the best way to combat stupid.

 3) “If you come home with me later, I can just show you.” WINK

Wink Girl Pictures, Images and Photos

Ever gone on a magic carpet ride?

Only say this if the girl asking the question is cute…and if you are good at winking. Duh.

 4) “Why? Do you want to make sure you’re doing it right?”

People who ask such invasive questions deserve to get an invasive question thrown right back at them. But again, be careful with your tone. Nobody likes nasty.

5) “Add ‘The L Word’ to your Netflix que.”

the l word Pictures, Images and Photos

Ok, maybe it's not the way that we live, but I still miss that show.

This one speaks for itself. Plus, this is the way, it’s the way that we live and looooooooovvvveeeee.

I know some of you nice grrls out there are thinking “But maybe I really should tell them! Maybe they just want to know?” And maybe they do, but it’s not your job to splay your most intimate moments out in front of everyone in order to educate them. If someone really is interested in understanding more about how queers love, they will ask one-on-one and in a more sensitive way.

Your turn! Have you ever been asked about GirlSex and what did you say?

Ask the Femme: How Do I Come Out To My Conservative Jewish Parents?

01 Monday Aug 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Ask the Femme, Coming Out

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

acceptance, bisexual, coming out, conservative, daughter, jewish, kate moennig, leopard, lesbian, LGBT, parents, Queer, religion, religious, Stereotypes, temple

Hi I'm Kate, I'm an out lesbian & I want to make out with Natasia...PSYCHE

Ahh coming out. Coming out is something LGBT people have to do everyday, to varying degrees of anxiety. No one ever tells you that when you are a little baby queer do they? Everytime you meet someone new you will have to come out. It’s going to happen at work, at the doctors office, in line at the grocery store. Coming out isn’t a singular act. It will be a rolling theme of your life. Eventually, you will get so used to it that you will barely notice when it’s happening anymore. The hardest people to tell are usually your own parents. It’s time to get serious over at HotFemme HeadQuarters and answer the hard questions.

Hi. (: I found your blog this week and I was really inspired. I’ve just recently accepted the fact that I am a lesbian and I wanted to ask you a question. When is the best time to come out to your parents? I live with them and they are very conservative Jewish. I just feel like they won’t accept it, or me. Maybe I’m being too dramatic?

Drama Queen

Hi DQ,

First-Thanks and Mazel Tov on being a huge muffdiver! It’s a pretty exclusive club. I know cuz I’m a member.

Okay, now let’s get down to business. You are not being dramatic. People have a lot of highly charged feelings about LGBT people. Especially when it comes to their own children. Even people who are “Okay with Gay!” can be upset if they find out their child is gay. This goes for people

of all races and religions. Of course, it goes without saying that if you come from a conservative religious background you are more likely to face rejection from your relatives. Sad but true and there are exceptions to every rule (so no one start hating on me.) There probably isn’t a “best time” to come out to your parents. But there are sensitive, caring ways to do so.

Don't come out at Temple or while wearing leopard print. That's a whole world of inconsiderate.

Let me preface this by saying, if you live with your parents because they are your financial support you might want to wait until you are able to support yourself before you tell them. This way if they throw you out for being gay, you can still take care of yourself. Living an honest life is great, but being homeless=bad.

lesbian Pictures, Images and Photos

Your parents might just be waiting for you to spill your guts.

There is also a chance that your parents already have some idea that you might be a gay lady. After all, they have known you all your life.

So after a nice family dinner one night, tell your parents you want to have a serious talk with them. Sit them down and tell them that you love them and you know they love you unconditionally. (Take advantage of some of that Jewish guilt, girl.) Then say something along the lines of “I’m a lesbian (queer/gay/bi) and I hope that won’t change the way you view me or our relationship.”

Be prepared to have to answer some tough questions liiike: “Are you sure?” “How do you know?” “Have you ever been with a woman?” “How do you know you just haven’t found the right man.” Let me tell you right now that you don’t need to have the answers to these questions right now, or ever. You don’t need to explain or justify yourself to anyone. The nuances of these questions for queer women are myriad and no one knows the answers. You are who you are, you love who you love.

My recommended response? “It’s just something I know in my heart.” Because it is. Be prepared for them to be shocked or hurt or mad. There is a chance they won’t accept you at first, give them time and patience. Offer them your love and acceptance, even if they withhold theirs. Even if it seems like they will never come around to accepting you, chances are eventually they will get used to it. They will see that you are still their little girl and the same amazing woman you have always been.

Good luck, DQ. Let me know how it goes.

Have a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com or send me a Facebook message! www.facebook.com/natasiarose

Recent Posts

  • Interview with Drae Campbell of Prime: The Queer Party for Grown Folks
  • Ask the Femme: Is it OK to Cheat on my Husband with a Woman…Again?
  • Ask the Femme: How do you Handle Racist Family Members?
  • Interview with Musician Sierra West
  • Interview with Stephanie Schroeder, Author of “Beautiful Wreck”

Archives

  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • March 2013
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011

Categories

  • Am I a jerk?
  • Ask the Femme
  • Beauty
  • Celebrities
  • Coming Out
  • Dating
  • Entertainment
  • Food!
  • Introductions
  • Music
  • Relationships
  • Sexy Ladies
  • Social Disease
  • The Minority Report
  • Uncategorized

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Hot Femme!

RSS Feed RSS - Posts

RSS Feed RSS - Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Hot Femme in the City
    • Join 2,912 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Hot Femme in the City
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...