Ask the Femme: Do Lesbian Relationships Last?

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advice, break up, cheaters, cheating, Chick-Fil-A, Dating, Drama, forever, gay, heartbreak, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, marriage, relationships, single, straight

It’s brutal honesty time, Hot Femme style. You asked, “do lesbian relationships last?”

Well yes, duh. But let’s get down to the deets. photo credit: Ara Lucia via photo pin cc

Dear Femme,

I’m an Asian lesbian in my 30′s and I’ve been single for almost a year. I can’t seem to find that special woman who I feel physically and emotionally attracted too and who feels the same about me. I was always in a relationship in my 20′s and felt the need to be intimate with someone but in my 30′s. I no longer need to fullfill that sexual need. I also find it harder as I get older to find a partner. I moved to another state for a partner I trusted. But she left me for a man who was her best friend and whom I also believed was my friend. I believe lesbian relationships don’t last and have begun to feel jaded. I don’t like to feel lonely and hate sleeping alone but can’t seem to find a woman that I can feel intimate attracted too and safe with. Please help, thanks.

Azn

Hi Azn,

Thanks for writing in! There is a lot going on here. You’ve had a bad experience and I’m sorry for that. You placed your trust in the wrong person, changed your life for her, she betrayed you and it sucks. But you need to move on.

Stern cat says, “Get over it or I’ll claw your face off.” That cat means business. photo credit: Mr. Ducke via photo pin cc

Being single for a year isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you; it’s not even that long to be single! It seems as though you have already starting thinking about your own needs and what you want from a partner. I’m going to suggest that you continue to learn about yourself and worry less about being single. Put finding love on hold for a little while, go out and have fun. Don’t stay home and feel sorry for yourself, join a gym, take cooking or art classes, drink your coffee at a café instead of at home. While you are out doing things and learning to love your own company, the right woman will come along. But you won’t meet her if you are at home hiding under the covers and crying over someone who didn’t deserve you.

No matter how cute you are, girls can’t bust into your bedroom and find you. photo credit: Helga Weber via photo pin cc

Also, you should keep in mind that just because your former love left you for a man, not all women will do that to you. Lesbian relationships aren’t doomed to failure. The Chick-Fil-A guy didn’t put some crazy curse on us that causes girl on girl relationships to fail…ermm…I hope he didn’t. Either way I’m sure it won’t work.

What I’m saying is, people change and there is going to be drama, betrayal, love, affection in any relationship, gay or straight. People of all orientations, genders, races, religions and political affiliations get their hearts broken and if they are lucky, they find their forever love.

Need help meeting women? Check out Lez Unite! What the video below for the scoop.

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Are Lesbians More Dramatic Than Straight Women?

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Dating, Drama, Dyke Drama, friends, gay, Gay community, lesbians, LGBT, Queer, relationships, Sex, The L word

These are my thinking glasses. Glasses make you look smart.

I do a lot of gay things. I hit up dyke bars, watch queer movies, read lezzie blogs and I’m noticing a trend. There’s a lot of talk about “dyke drama” and “dramatic lesbians.” It makes me wonder- are lesbians more dramatic than straight women?

I would say no. I know I’m dramatic. My penchant for the dramatic stems from my being a writer not from my sexual orientation.

Here’s my theorem (mad fancy word right? Just call me Professor Hot Femme) on why there is a lot of drama in the lesbian community: because we all date each other. We aren’t crazier than any other group of people, but once hooking up and romantic emotions come into play, that’s going to lead to drama.

Think of a large group of straight people of mixed genders that are friends. Like, remember when you went to college and your whole dorm floor became lovers and friends? Then by senior year everyone had dated everyone else and thank god you were all graduating because no one could stand looking at each others faces anymore?

I'll be there for you...when you impregnate our mutual best friend! Lesbians don't have to worry about THAT.

Or, think of the TV show Friends. There were three straight men and three straight women and that fueled like, 10 years worth of drama. I’ve only seen a few episodes of that show, but I’ve seen enough to know that it might not be a compliment when people say I remind them of Phoebe.

My point is, there’s going to be just as much drama once sex and feelings get involved in any group of people. Lesbians aren’t inherently more dramatic. BUT it is harder for us to get away from the drama. The group from your college dorm probably dispersed after college. The world is smaller, they probably comment on each other’s Facebook statuses and meet up for drinks once in a blue.

Let me illustrate dyke drama for you with pictures. Jenny dates Carmen.

For lesbians, it’s much harder to escape the source of the drama because if you are in the same city, chances are you are hanging out in the same places as all the other lezzies. So the drama doesn’t disperse like it does for other people. You are going to see your ex at ladies night at Bar 13, because the drinks are cheap and it’s a nice change from your usual hang outs. You’re going to be with your new girlfriend and she’s going to be with hers and someone is going to want to scratch someone else’s eyes out. That’s not dyke drama, that’s forced by circumstance drama. If straight people in NYC had to go to the same 3 bars every weekend and the rest of us had the run of the city, you can bet “dyke drama” wouldn’t be part of our vernacular.

Then Carmen dates Jenny's BFF, Shane. Shane cheats on Carmen, Carmen cheats on Shane with Robin (Jenny's ex) and then Shane leaves Carmen at the alter...in CANADA. INTERNATIONAL DYKE DRAMA.

There’s also a more complicated part of being here and queer. We can potentially hook up with everyone we know. Let’s look at Friends again. There would be serious ramifications if Monica dated one of Rachel’s exes. That’s The Rule for straight women, you don’t date a friends ex. Meanwhile, in your group of friends anything goes. Your best friend can date your ex and if you live in a town with 5 lesbians and know them all, you are going to have to put a smile on your face and be happy for her. Because who else is she going to date? Stop being selfish, shellfish eater.

But, unless you are an unfeeling lesbian cyborg, you also can’t turn off your feelings and this will lead to DRAMA. It’s the nature of the girl-on-girl beast. Luckily, dating women and being friends with women who date women is awesome enough to make it all worth it.

Shane and Jenny date and the lesbian circle of drama is complete.

So complain about the drama all you want. But remember, if you were straight, the drama wouldn’t disappear.

So what do you think? Are lesbians more dramatic?