Hot Femme’s Guide to Successful Summer Lovin’

Tags

advice, boobs, crush, Dating, Dyke Drama, femme, gay, kissing girls, lesbian, LGBT, long distance, Love, Queer, relationship advice, relationships, romance, Summer Fling, Summer Love, Summer Loving, Summer Romance

When summer hits, think more “topless pool parties, bottomless depravity” than marriage

So you want to have a summer fling. I know most of you think you don’t need “rules” for summer love, but you do. Trust me. For a gay girl, not breaking out the U-Haul on the second date is totally counter-intuitive. I’m laying these out now because I know that come September, I’m going to be flooded with “Ask the Femme” emails that ask for advice on dealing with the girl that doesn’t text back anymore.

Why does this happen? Because a lot of people take on summer internships in different cities, or leave school to go back home for summer break, or are simply taking advantage of the less busy season to date, but will disappear when their workload picks up again, or maybe it’s as simple as summer time meaning party time.

Again, each situation is different and summer flings do have the potential to turn into more. Either way, it’s better to play this Cool Spice so you don’t get hurt or scare away your love interest.

1) Keep it light

Summer is not known as the season of introspection. In fact, it brain hibernation season. Think about it, most of us opt for fun beach reads instead of Tolstoy and shell out for summer blockbusters where “sh*t gets blow’d up.” So when you meet someone at a rooftop bar or a summer barbecue, don’t lead with serious conversation. Talk about the things that will keep a smile on your face and hers.

Like boobs! Who doesn’t love those? (Image via http://dyke-recovery.tumblr.com/)

2) Keep your expectations low

When you start talk to a girl, totally click and get the digits, it’s easy to let your brain automatically jump to the next step.

‘OMG WE BOTH LOVE DOGS AND WE WILL WALK OURS TOGETHER EVERY MORNING AND THEN DO THE CROSSWORD PUZZLE AND SIP STARBUCKS AND THIS IS AMMMAAZZZINNGGGGGG’

Stop. Right. There. A lot of the time, you don’t know if she’s just in your town for the summer. Or if YOU are the out-of-towner, you have no idea if the woman you just met is up for a long distance thang.

This rule might seem like common sense, but let me share a horrible Hot Femme story of dyke drama with you.

Oh no! Not a horrible one!

 Yes, a horrible one.

A long time ago, when I was single, I had a hot summer fling with a girl that was in town for the summer. Let’s call her Amanda. We went on awesome, inventive dates all over Brooklyn and I would stay over her place afterward…to um…play scrabble and stuff.

I knew Amanda was going back to where she was from when the summer was over, so it was all good. One weekend she said she couldn’t hang out because her dad was in town. Then I got a myspace message (yup, I had that) from her roommate telling me that Amanda’s dad was never in town, it was actually Amanda’s girlfriend.

My expectations were low, but they apparently weren’t low enough.

The moral of the story is some relationships aren’t meant to last forever, some are. Remember that meeting someone you like and getting to know them is valuable in itself. She doesn’t need to turn into your girlfriend for it to be a great experience for you both. And if it does work out? Then you can jump for joy because you totally didn’t see that one coming.

She likes me! She really likes me!

3) Keep it low maintenance

This is by far, the easiest rule. Find a make-up regimen that won’t melt off and make you look like a rodeo clown in the heat. Keep any thing you need to “touch-up” in your bag with you. I recommend a tinted moisturizer with SPF 15, a small compact with loose powder, eyeliner, a moisturizing lip gloss that also contains SPF 15 and blotting papers.

Wear clothes that are comfortable and loose and if they can’t be loose, at least try to make sure they are cotton. Sweat stains are not sexy. Same goes for shoes, wear footgear that you can walk in and that won’t give you blisters if you sweat and have some extra friction. Limping down the boardwalk? Not sexy.

Also, if you know that you will be outdoors and that you burn easily, put on sunscreen before you leave the house. No one wants make out with a lobster.

Except this chick…and she’s pretty hot soooo…now I don’t know anymore. Just put on freaking sunscreen cuz health.

4) Be up for anything

Not all of us are lucky enough to live in areas with beautiful climates. The summer is the time when most people try to cram as many outdoor activities into their schedule as possible. Being too high maintenance to rough it during the summer isn’t as adorable as it is in the winter, when you can offer a snuggle and a cup of hot chocolate.

If you followed the “low maintenance” rule, then you can easily go for a hike, chill at a rooftop bar, chow down on veggie burgers at a queer vegan BBQ, hit the beach, or play frisbee in the park. Summer is a great time to explore new activities. If you aren’t open to new experiences, your crush can probably find another girl to go out and play with her. Besides, who doesn’t love to try new things? Remember, the girl may not last, but if she taught you to love beach volleyball, you can keep that for always!

You got all that? Good.

Now go enjoy your hot summer.

Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

Tags

boi, cute girl, Dating, femme, friend zone, gay, He's Not That Into You, Hot Girl, lesbian, LGBT, Playa, Queer, rejection, relationship advice, relationships, Sex and the City, texting, The L word

This isn’t about getting the girl, it’s about getting the right girl.

“He’s Just Not That Into You” was a huge cultural sensation for straight women when it first debuted on Sex and the City. Since there, there has been a book and a movie to demonstrate all the rules that straight women should follow to ascertain if a guy is into her or not. I’m not going to lie, there are parts of this that drives me crazy, like advising straight women not to make the first move on a guy she likes and instead be hunted, Bambi style. BUT I can also see the benefits of moving on and not wasting your time on someone who doesn’t recognize how great you are. After my post last week, where I suggested that a woman who was recently single used the expression “not ready to date” as a way to blow an interested lady off, I decided maybe it’s time to talk about how to recognize when a girl likes you likes you, as opposed to just liking you. This is going to be a kinder, gentler version of the “Not That Into You” playbook.

She’s Not That Into You If She Doesn’t Contact You Back.

Because this is advice aimed for queer women, I’m going to skip “if she never contacts you first.” There’s always confusion about who should contact whom in the gay world , so never be shy about making the first move. If she likes you or is on the fence, making the first move always scores major points. Even if she’s a boi and you’re femme. (Watch this Vlog for more insight on that, boi’s love a femme who can take initiative)

OK, so let’s assume you’ve met the girl and contacted her either by text, email, phone call, Facebook message, etc. Annnnnd no response. Alright, maybe she didn’t see your communication or she was particularly busy and it got buried under an avalanche of emails. If you really liked her, contact her one more time. If you don’t hear from her within 24 hours, consider it a lost cause, move on and don’t contact her first again.

So cute together! Too bad She’s not over her ex and won’t ever bother texting this girl back.

Yes, there’s a million reasons you didn’t hear from her. But there’s so many ways to get in touch now, that there’s really no excuse for her to ignore you after you messaged her twice. Except of course…that she’s not that into you.

She’s Not That Into You If She Never Asks You Questions. 

Me? I’m washing my cat tonight…and every night for the next year. I’m really too busy to date.

When a girl does this, it means she either doesn’t care about getting to know you or that she doesn’t want to encourage communication. Let’s look at some examples:

You: Hey, I hear that the weather in your town is great today!

Her: Yeah it is.

If she liked you, she would have found a reason to keep the conversation going, or even use it as a way to get you to hang out with her. Let’s try this conversation again and see the difference.

You: Hey, I hear that the weather in your town is great today!

Her: Yeah it is, I’m going to go to the beach later. Are you a beach person? Want to come with?

Getting the picture? Let’s try one more.

You: Tanya told me that you wrote your thesis on the suffrage movement as seen through the eye of Lord Byron’s poetic works. That’s so awesome, I love Byron too.

Her: Yeah, it was okay.

You: I’d love to read it.

Her: Sure.

If she was into you, and you were discussing her passion with her, she would take the opportunity to either gush about it, or ask a question about you. In this case, she could have asked what your favorite Byron poem is. (Which is why God invented Google)

Anywho, the point is, you want a crush that ways to know about you as much as you want to know about her.

She’s Not That Into You If She Friend Zone’s You. 

Lesbi-friends…or make out.

There’s a lot of different signs that you’ve been put into the Friend Zone by a crush. Let’s start this section off with a confession, in my post last week, I said in response to a commenter, that “if she tries to set you up with someone else, she’s not that into you.” But I’ve totally done this. In college, I was in a long distance relationship  with Shane when I met Bette (names have been changed). I thought Bette was amazing! So much fun, cuddly, smart, artistic and I could tell she was feeling me too. But Bette also liked my friend Tina. So I set Tina and Bette up, they liked each other but were too shy to get anything off the ground. When Shane and I broke up, I started dating Bette, almost immediately. Right.
So let’s say, “if she’s single and she tries to set you up with someone else, she’s not that into you.”

Some other examples of Friend Zoning include:

Telling you about her crushes/hot women…constantly. Everyone does it once in awhile, but if you’re all like “Let’s get ice cream” and she’s like “OMG there’s this girl in my yoga class, sooo hot, she loves ice cream.”

Do you see what she did there? She didn’t say “I’d love to see you” or “What flavor are you getting?” So she’s your friend and she likes you, but you’re pretty far from her thoughts romantically.

If she flirts, but never delivers

Some women are natural flirts. If she confuses you by saying things like “we would be perfect for each other!” but always flakes out when you try to set up a date, or flat out ignores any serious attempts at dating, she doesn’t actually think you are perfect for her. Or if you do get her on a date and then after that she only wants to see you in a group of friends, it means she doesn’t want to continue dating you, but does care about you as a friend.

I probably get the most “Ask the Femme” questions revolving around women who give “mixed signals” because they are flirty and flakey. In some cases, these women are leading you on on purpose. Some people keep admirers around to boost their ego. The only way to get the attention of someone like this is to ignore her. Once you do, you might realize that you weren’t that into her.

If Someone Isn’t Into You, Don’t View it as Rejection

Find the girl that’s into you and don’t settle for less.

If a woman isn’t into you, don’t take it as rejection. It’s not. It just means that you aren’t the right choice for her right now. Maybe she has to grow, maybe you do, or maybe you two just aren’t meant to be. But you can’t wait around for someone who may or may not “come around.” Honestly, life is too short. Find a girl who gets butterflies every time you text her, who blushes when you flirt with her and who is as crazy about you as you are about her.

The Minority Report: Femmes-Ask That Boi Out!

Tags

advice, AG, Ask Her Out, bar, boi, butch, club, Dating, dinner, femme, gay, in the club, lesbian, LGBT, nightlife, pick up lines, Queer, stud

Oh man, this cat has no filter! He just says what's on his mind, he don't care!

Tis the season to be full and lazy! I know that after the holiday rush, I’m exhausted. If you’re like me, you’re not going to ask any one out until you’ve hit the gym for a few weeks. So let’s sit on the sidelines for a minute and strategize.

Femmes, are you tired of not getting dates because no one can look at you and tell you’re gay? It’s time to take matters into your own hands and walk up to the hot girl at the bar and ask her out. Sometimes, a femme just has to take her fate into her own hands! Check out mine and Cynthia’s tips for approaching a girl and leave your own in the comments.

You’re Going to Have to Pay For That

Tags

bar, bouncer, club, cover, Dating, drinking, dyke bar, femme, friends, gay, girl bar, girls, grrl, Hot Girl, in the club, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer

Grabbing your friends ass probably won't get you into the grrl bar for free, but I'll be impressed

“Three for two discount?” My pretty straight friend purred to the bouncer outside NYC’s biggest dyke bar. “Nice try, sweetheart.” The bouncer replied. We forked over ten more dollars for the privilege of entry. Luckily for me, my straight friends are more than happy to pay the cover if it means they can drink and dance without men coming up to us every minute. They already know the drill, you’re not getting into the dyke bar for free.

At straight bars, I’m usually able to talk someone into letting me skip the line or the cover or both. At lesbian parties/bars I’ve gotten in for free once…ONCE!

Even she's only gotten in free once

There’s a few reasons for this. Lesbians tend to nest and stay home once they find their girlfriend. This gets even worse in the winter, when most of you just choose a girlfriend from the stable of girls you are currently dating specifically in order to avoid having to go out in a miniskirt when it’s cold. Yes, that’s a great reason to get into a relationship. Anywho, what this means is that the revenue for places that are lez bars 24/7 drops like your ex’s panties when she sees a girl with a lipring. Therefore, the prices for those of us who actually go are jacked up in order to keep the bar in business.

Basically, if we don’t pay the cover, NYC could end up like another major city (I’m looking at you Boston) that doesn’t have ANY 24/7 grrl bars. That would be a disaster. I’m sad just thinking about it.

No dyke bars? But where will I go to find my own kind?

The other reason is more irritating. Lesbians don’t care how cute you are. They really don’t. The bouncer knows that even if she turns you and your fabulous boobs away, there will be another great pair around the corner, who won’t complain about paying the cover.

I'll pay the cover...and make out with your girlfriend while your cheap butt is at home

The only way to get around paying covers or waiting on line is to become friends with the bouncer/bartender/owner. The owner of the bar, being the best option, so shoot for that one. I’m not talking like BS, shoot the breeze whenever you walk in kind of way. I’m not even talking in the dating kind of way. Dating any of the three people I mentioned is more likely to get you banned from the bar than in for free. You need to bring her soup when she’s sick, watch her dog when she goes on vacation and help her move when her girlfriend finds out about the chick with the faux hawk.

Yeah, this one

Is that worth it to skip paying the cover? Probably not. So we’ll just all keep paying, cuz lesbians are so awesome to party with that any cover would be worth it. Errmm…right?

Ask the Femme: Are Push-Up Bras False Advertising?

Tags

Adriana Lima, advice, ask the femme, bisexual, Bra, BRas, Dating, femme, gel bra, Padded bras, Push-up bras, Queer, relationships, Shakespeare, Victoria's Secret, water bra

Yeah, those are way too sexy to be real.

I’m a big believer in the power of a great bra. Push-up or padded, if you got ’em you might as well make them look great right?! I was recently informed that not everyone thinks this way. Some of you, apparently, are disappointed when you whip out your best “one handed bra unsnap” trick and…then…they’re smaller than advertised. Like, way smaller. Is that really so awful? You’re still going to sleep with a hot chick and her boobs are still hawt! So suck it up! And when I say “suck it up” I’m not just talking to my homogrrls, I’m including straight men in this too.

It could be worse, you could be a straight chick who has to deal with the “unveiling.” Straight/bi ladies, you know what I’m talkin’ about. Gold stars-just go about your business and don’t worry about it.

Straight women have even LESS of an idea of what they are getting into and it has the potential to be a lot worse. Scary worse.

Anywho, let’s get to the question from a girl who loves to push ’em up.

Hi Femme,
I recently bought a bra that has gel filled inserts. It makes my A-cup boobies look incredible. It’s become my standard date bra. I’ve been out with this girl I like four times and the last time, we had a really hot makeout sesh at my place. While we were kissing she tried to feel up my boobs but I had to put the kibosh on it (I didn’t want her to realize my boobs felt like tiny water balloons) and she went home soon after.

She hasn’t called in 2 days and I’m flipping out. I liked her a lot, but what if she thinks I’m not into her anymore? What if we do see each other again and I take my bra off and she realizes I’m not as well endowed as I led her to believe? Should I just toss the bra and the girl and start over?
ABC

Hi ABC,

Thanks for writing in! Oh gosh, don’t throw away the girl or the bra! Look, it’s not dishonest to make the most of your assets. Dating is frequently about selling yourself to the other person, it would be nice if looks didn’t figure into the equation but they do, at least in the beginning. However, you’ve been on four dates with this chick and she probably likes you for your personality too.

Amazing at any size, amirite?!

Plenty of girls wear padded or push-up bras, just ask anyone who’s accidentally brushed up against me at a bar. it’s a great alternative to breast implants and it’s an easy confidence booster. You are not alone. I believe it was Chilly of TLC that said, “Don’t get implants, just push ‘em up!” It was either her, or Shakespeare. I forget which one.

Anyway call your girl, ask her out on a date for a weekend night so she knows you like her enough to spend a precious weekend night with her. If you two get down and dirty after your date, just take the bra off like it’s no big deal. If you treat it like it ain’t no thang, she won’t think anything of it. She’s probably seen her share of padding in her life. If you make the mistake of being dramatic about it, she might think you are crazy. Remember, chances are she’s giving her ladies a little boost too.
Good luck ABC! Let us know how it goes.

Have a love/sex/relationship or dating question? Message me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/natasiarose

It’s Liebster Blog Award Time!

Tags

boi, femme, grrl, lesbian, LGBT, Queer, The Liebster Blog Award

Whoy, Ah gots me an award Oi did! (that's my Cockney accent)

The lovely Conchsaladesque gave me a Liebster blog award! Woohoo. I rarely win anything, so this is a pretty big deal in Hot Femme land. Ahem, even if it came with the caveat that you need to read a few of my posts before you ‘get it.’ That’s her subtle way of saying, “this chick is cray cray.” But I’ll take it!

The Liebster Blog Award is all about  spotlighting newer, up-and-coming blogs that typically have less than 200 followers. 200 huh? To quote Petey Pablo, I ain’t quite there yet, but I’m getting better at it. Like Fight Club, there are rules to getting a Liebster Blog Award. Let’s peruse them together.

The Rules of Acceptance:

• Copy and paste the award on your blog
• Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you
• Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
• Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

Does this sound kind of like a chain letter? Yeaaahhh. Iz ok. I don’t know how to choose just FIVE blogs to recommend, because I read and love a whole bunch. But I guess here are the ones I’m the most obsessed with.

Camilla at Girls Are Made of Pepsi: Camilla is the authority on all things queer. She’s smart, funny, fashionable and has a knack for knowing the kind of pop culture stories that interest 20-something lezzies. Also- she’s just supa fly.

Bren at Buzz Cuts and Bustiers: This is one of the first WordPress blogs I read. I love it! Bren is the ultimate expert on queer boi/grrl stuff. Anyone who loves all things boi needs to check it out, ASAP.

Lame Adventures Woman at Lame Adventures: The writing on this blog is tight. Lame Adventures takes everyday tasks and makes them hilarious. I have literally snorted coffee out of my nose while reading, so be prepared.

The Queer Girl in the City:  I like this blog because it’s honest and fun but also highlights some important issues like sexism, misogyny and homophobia. It takes skill to tackle issues like this in a relatable way, but she def does.

Tatiana at ParisianFeline: Very few things leave me speechless, but this blog usually does. Tatiana tackles topics such as beauty and the meaning of friendship in a way that will make you think…for awhile. She wrote one of my favorite blog posts ever with: Being Ugly and the Power of Beauty 

Ack! There are a ton of other blogs I want to include. Basically, if I take the time to comment on your blog, it means I heart you and your writing. Happy Saturday everyone!

Bad Lesbian Halloween Costumes

Tags

bad halloween costumes, bisexual, breakup, catholic schoolgirl, costumes, Dating, drinking, femme, friends, Halloween, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Lilo, Lindsay Lohan, prisoner, Queer, relationships, Samantha Ronson, SamRo, Sex, sexy, Yoga Instructor

Remember how cute they were together?Not anymore. Totes dunzo.

I know, I know. There’s a lot of Halloween going on “up in this bitch” as the kids say. BUT, I can’t get enough Halloween. I have to say, Halloween is a great time to impress your crush with how hot/creative you are. I know some of you who thought my costume ideas were really inside the box (pun intended) have a few awesome, creative ideas for Halloween costumes. I’m sure they are going to be wunderbar but we need to talk about costumes that you should avoid wearing this Halloween.

Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson

Ok, the urge to dress like these two can be strong. Especially is you are coupled up. However, it’s better to avoid dressing as these two. First of all, they haven’t been happy together since like 2006, so it’s all a little dated. These days SamRo is quietly dating a yoga instructor and steering clear of Lindsay whenever possible. Lilo went all stalkerazzi on Sam and bought an apartment in the same complex as her and it was all embarrassing and weird. Which is kind of a downer. Meanwhile, Lindsay’s problems are getting worse and worse AND the media is treating her like public enemy number one for really no reason. Does anyone even remember what she did? Yes, she’s a trainwreck, but she also never hurt anyone and there are plenty of celebrities who have, who are jail free. (I’m looking at you Charlie “McDomestic Violence” Sheen) So let’s leave Lindsay alone. NEXT!

Prisoner

Sometimes, the difference between sexy and trashy is obvious. Exhibit A.

Chances are, if you a blond/redhead and dress up as a prisoner everyone is going to think you are Lindsay Lohan anyway. And we’ve already discussed the reasons that isn’t good. You also have two choices for this costume, either bright orange or black and white horizontal stripes. As everyone knows, horizontal stripes are hard to pull off. But let’s say you are hot enough to pull it off- horizontal stripes in black and white might make the drunk girl you are drunkenly chatting up dizzy enough for the night to end with you holding her hair back. That’s not sexy. And bright orange? That color looks good on maybe 10% of the population. Soooo just say no to crime or drugs or whatever.
Catholic Schoolgirl

I’m not going to front like this costume isn’t sexy. It’s crazy sexy! But, it’s not really for Halloween. It’s just been done to death. It’s

I know what you're thinking. "Ooo it lights up so maybe this one is different!" No, no it's not. There will still be hordes of Catholic Schoolgirls who look just like you.

dead and gone, dead and gone. Like the love between SamRo and Lilo. That’s sad. Save this costume for when you and your lady are looking to spice things up in the bedroom.

Tampon/MaxiPad/Skidmark

Believe it or not, these costumes happen. Frequently. I’m not even going to include a picture, but if you are really curious Google it. For those of you who wear these costumes, listen up! You aren’t funny, you just make everyone want to barf all the Halloween candy they scarfed. You lose. No girls for you.

If you were planning on wearing any of these costumes, return it and try again!

Sexy Lesbian Halloween Costumes For 2011

Tags

batman, boi, Catwoman, cheerleader, costumes, femme, football, grrl, Halloween, halloween costumes, harley quinn, Kendra, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, playboy, poison ivy, Queer, Sex, stud, superheroes

Halloween! It’s one of those holidays you either love, hate or love to hate or hate to love! It’s my favorite drunken holiday, so I think I’m in the hate to love category

This is how a femme can be a football player! (via http://www.3wishes.com)

. This year, I’m being a pirate. My past costumes include Xena, Princess Leia (gold bikini style), Scarlett O’Hara, Britney Spears (Puerto Rican style), a gypsy and a sailor.

Umm…sometimes I go wear more than one costume on Halloween. Anywho, I’ve got some great ideas as to what YOU should wear if you are here and queer this Halloween season. How did I pick these costumes? They’re the ones that I’d like to see you wearing.

Athlete

Some of us need to buy costumes for this and some of us can just wear what we wear out on the field. Softball player is one of my favorite costumes. It’s a good look and it works for femmes, studs and everything in between!

Not into softball? You can substitute any sport. I’ve seen a few really cute football costumes for femmes (see picture). I ALMOST went with this costume this year, but in the end I decided that requires too much ab work. If you are going as a couple- try football player and cheerleader or basketball player and stepper. This can also work for groups and you can even have someone dress up as the referee! Playboy does a really cute referee costume, modeled by reality star ( and rumored bisexual) Kendra.

Want her to call the shots? (via http://www.partycity.com)

Police Woman/Fire Fighter/Military Servicewoman

Who doesn’t love a woman in uniform! Police woman is always hot because of the handcuffs and a fire fighter has a huge hose. If you want to look hot AND celebrate the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, go as a member of our armed forces! Activists are always sexy. The plus with these costumes is that you can find variations with skirts, pants or shorts. So you can stay in your comfort zone and rock it out.

Stud? Boi? Femme? How can a costume exist that everyone can wear? Here it is! (via http://www.3wishes.com)

Gangsta

Lesbians love hats. This costume has a fedora. You love it, your girlfriend loves it, even your ex-girlfriend loves it but she’ll never tell YOU about it. She’s not gonna give you the satisfaction. Sorry! If you are a huge playa, this is the costume for you. Ladies love a bad girl.

You want this fedora. I know you do. Just admit it, girl. (via http://www.3wishes.com)

Superhero

Queer girls can kick ass. What better way to show that on Halloween than by dressing up as your favorite superhero! Wonderwoman is a classic and a great choice for raven haired ladies. Supergirl is good for blondes and Catwoman is good for EVERYBODY.

It can also be good for couples. Want to know my dream couple Halloween costume? Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn from Batman. As I’ve mentioned on this blog before, I’m going to be a pirate this year. What are you going as? Are you doing any cute couple/group themes? Let me know about it in the comments!

Who's going to dress up with me next year?! (via http://www.comicvine.com)

The Minority Report: Hair Uncut

Tags

bisexual, body image, coming out, Dating, femme, friends, girls, Hair, haircut, hairstyle, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, Queer, relationships, Sex

Do YOU think I look cray cray?

Have you ever had a moment when you realized you’re kind of insane? My moment came when I was watching back the first episode of my new webseries, “The Minority Report.” The webisode “stars” me and fellow blog-a-holic Cynthia, chatting about queer hair and what it means to our community in terms of visibility and hotness. I’ve been on camera before, I’ve done interviews with rock grrl band Hunter Valentine, various LGBT directors, actresses and comedians. The comedians are probably my favorite, they crack me up.

All these really required of me is to sit there, ask questions based on hours of bordering on obsessive research, listen to the answer and smile. It worked. It also cloaked me in the illusion of sanity. The Minority Report was my first time on camera not delivering a straight forward interview and next to my composed and thoughtful counterpart…I realized…that I’m a little out there.

Perhaps I should have been clued into this when my college sorority gave me the nickname “Quiet Riot” as in “You aren’t the loudest girl but everything you say is funny.” In sorority-land being “funny” isn’t a great thing. It’s much better to be skinny. It’s also better to be straight but I never got with that program either. I think I’m comfortable with my new found realization of the scope of my crazy.

Here’s the video so you can assess it for yourself:

Some reactions to this video have been:

1) Don’t cut your hair

2) You’re so stupid

3) You’re Quinn from Daria

4) Don’t cut your hair

What do you think of it? The next few episodes of The Minority Report feature a third “panelist” and is more like The View…but crazy. Like everything I’m even remotely involved in.

The Minority Report originally appeared here: http://bgalife.com/?p=1165 If you NEED more Natasia, you can check out my youtube page here: http://www.youtube.com/user/etane?feature=mhee

Gym-Timidation

Tags

ballerina, beyonce, body image, brandi chastain, chelsea piers, fat, femme, gym, hot, lesbian, LGBT, model, new york sports club, paradise pirate, playboy, Queer, sasha fierce, sexy, soccer, work out, working out

Soccer players are hot. It's the law.

This morning I was working out and realized I was the only brunette. The girls running next to me were all blonde and lithe. One tall girl I work out with every day. I call her “Dayum Girl” as in “Dayum Girl, you are smokin’ hot!” or “Dayum Girl, you make me wish I could play sports so I could join your soccer team” or “Dayum Girl, I don’t know if I want to sleep with you or BE you.” (See my last post for more about that, apparently I have this problem a lot)

Dayum Girl really is on a soccer team, she’s also an aspiring model. There are a few of those. There are also a couple of Black Swan style ballerinas. Watching them use the treadmill bars to stretch before and after a workout is pretty exciting. (Umm not that I’m watching) I would expect to be surrounded by those types of girls at say Chelsea Piers or NY Sports Club, which boasts Beyonce as a member.

Do you think Bey works out as Beyonce or as Sasha Fierce?

Buuuuut I don’t belong to a fancy gym. I use the gym in my apartment building. It has a small weight room, plenty of cardio machines and is walled in by mirrors and TVs. Which blows for someone like me, who avoids mirrors at any and all costs.

There are a few reasons I avoid mirrors:

– My Sicilian grandmother believes that if you look at a mirror in the dark, the devil will come out.

– I saw that movie “Candyman” waaaay too young. The way it works is, if you say Candyman into a mirror three times he will come out and then bees will sting you to death while he watches or something. I don’t know but it left a lasting impression, okay? I’m a scaredy cat. Deal.

Nooo not bees!

– I don’t like looking at myself. At all. Body image issues blah blah blah. I can barely look in the mirror long enough to get my hair or makeup done and even that I prefer doing in as little light as possible. Sound crazy? Yes. But haven’t you been reading this blog long enough to know that already?

I have to go to the gym. I love eating and if I didn’t hit the gym hard, I would probably qualify to be a contestant on the Biggest Loser. Now that Halloween is coming up I’m in panic mode. Why? Because I’ve committed to wearing this costume:

Whhhhhat was I thinking?

So yeah. Working out everyday.

Deep, deep down I'm actually insecure...pssssssych!

So every morning I am surrounded by blonde models and ballerinas and mirrors. I choose to look at it this way: if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em. If you stop going to the gym because you feel like you are being judged on not being at the End Game of your fitness, you will never get there. And I bet if you asked any of those models at the gym, you would find out they are insecure too.

…Okay, that was totally a lie. They know they are hot. But you get the point. Gym-timidation: The best way to conquer it is to fake it till you make it.