You’re Going to Have to Pay For That

Tags

bar, bouncer, club, cover, Dating, drinking, dyke bar, femme, friends, gay, girl bar, girls, grrl, Hot Girl, in the club, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer

Grabbing your friends ass probably won't get you into the grrl bar for free, but I'll be impressed

“Three for two discount?” My pretty straight friend purred to the bouncer outside NYC’s biggest dyke bar. “Nice try, sweetheart.” The bouncer replied. We forked over ten more dollars for the privilege of entry. Luckily for me, my straight friends are more than happy to pay the cover if it means they can drink and dance without men coming up to us every minute. They already know the drill, you’re not getting into the dyke bar for free.

At straight bars, I’m usually able to talk someone into letting me skip the line or the cover or both. At lesbian parties/bars I’ve gotten in for free once…ONCE!

Even she's only gotten in free once

There’s a few reasons for this. Lesbians tend to nest and stay home once they find their girlfriend. This gets even worse in the winter, when most of you just choose a girlfriend from the stable of girls you are currently dating specifically in order to avoid having to go out in a miniskirt when it’s cold. Yes, that’s a great reason to get into a relationship. Anywho, what this means is that the revenue for places that are lez bars 24/7 drops like your ex’s panties when she sees a girl with a lipring. Therefore, the prices for those of us who actually go are jacked up in order to keep the bar in business.

Basically, if we don’t pay the cover, NYC could end up like another major city (I’m looking at you Boston) that doesn’t have ANY 24/7 grrl bars. That would be a disaster. I’m sad just thinking about it.

No dyke bars? But where will I go to find my own kind?

The other reason is more irritating. Lesbians don’t care how cute you are. They really don’t. The bouncer knows that even if she turns you and your fabulous boobs away, there will be another great pair around the corner, who won’t complain about paying the cover.

I'll pay the cover...and make out with your girlfriend while your cheap butt is at home

The only way to get around paying covers or waiting on line is to become friends with the bouncer/bartender/owner. The owner of the bar, being the best option, so shoot for that one. I’m not talking like BS, shoot the breeze whenever you walk in kind of way. I’m not even talking in the dating kind of way. Dating any of the three people I mentioned is more likely to get you banned from the bar than in for free. You need to bring her soup when she’s sick, watch her dog when she goes on vacation and help her move when her girlfriend finds out about the chick with the faux hawk.

Yeah, this one

Is that worth it to skip paying the cover? Probably not. So we’ll just all keep paying, cuz lesbians are so awesome to party with that any cover would be worth it. Errmm…right?

Are Lesbians More Dramatic Than Straight Women?

Tags

Dating, Drama, Dyke Drama, friends, gay, Gay community, lesbians, LGBT, Queer, relationships, Sex, The L word

These are my thinking glasses. Glasses make you look smart.

I do a lot of gay things. I hit up dyke bars, watch queer movies, read lezzie blogs and I’m noticing a trend. There’s a lot of talk about “dyke drama” and “dramatic lesbians.” It makes me wonder- are lesbians more dramatic than straight women?

I would say no. I know I’m dramatic. My penchant for the dramatic stems from my being a writer not from my sexual orientation.

Here’s my theorem (mad fancy word right? Just call me Professor Hot Femme) on why there is a lot of drama in the lesbian community: because we all date each other. We aren’t crazier than any other group of people, but once hooking up and romantic emotions come into play, that’s going to lead to drama.

Think of a large group of straight people of mixed genders that are friends. Like, remember when you went to college and your whole dorm floor became lovers and friends? Then by senior year everyone had dated everyone else and thank god you were all graduating because no one could stand looking at each others faces anymore?

I'll be there for you...when you impregnate our mutual best friend! Lesbians don't have to worry about THAT.

Or, think of the TV show Friends. There were three straight men and three straight women and that fueled like, 10 years worth of drama. I’ve only seen a few episodes of that show, but I’ve seen enough to know that it might not be a compliment when people say I remind them of Phoebe.

My point is, there’s going to be just as much drama once sex and feelings get involved in any group of people. Lesbians aren’t inherently more dramatic. BUT it is harder for us to get away from the drama. The group from your college dorm probably dispersed after college. The world is smaller, they probably comment on each other’s Facebook statuses and meet up for drinks once in a blue.

Let me illustrate dyke drama for you with pictures. Jenny dates Carmen.

For lesbians, it’s much harder to escape the source of the drama because if you are in the same city, chances are you are hanging out in the same places as all the other lezzies. So the drama doesn’t disperse like it does for other people. You are going to see your ex at ladies night at Bar 13, because the drinks are cheap and it’s a nice change from your usual hang outs. You’re going to be with your new girlfriend and she’s going to be with hers and someone is going to want to scratch someone else’s eyes out. That’s not dyke drama, that’s forced by circumstance drama. If straight people in NYC had to go to the same 3 bars every weekend and the rest of us had the run of the city, you can bet “dyke drama” wouldn’t be part of our vernacular.

Then Carmen dates Jenny's BFF, Shane. Shane cheats on Carmen, Carmen cheats on Shane with Robin (Jenny's ex) and then Shane leaves Carmen at the alter...in CANADA. INTERNATIONAL DYKE DRAMA.

There’s also a more complicated part of being here and queer. We can potentially hook up with everyone we know. Let’s look at Friends again. There would be serious ramifications if Monica dated one of Rachel’s exes. That’s The Rule for straight women, you don’t date a friends ex. Meanwhile, in your group of friends anything goes. Your best friend can date your ex and if you live in a town with 5 lesbians and know them all, you are going to have to put a smile on your face and be happy for her. Because who else is she going to date? Stop being selfish, shellfish eater.

But, unless you are an unfeeling lesbian cyborg, you also can’t turn off your feelings and this will lead to DRAMA. It’s the nature of the girl-on-girl beast. Luckily, dating women and being friends with women who date women is awesome enough to make it all worth it.

Shane and Jenny date and the lesbian circle of drama is complete.

So complain about the drama all you want. But remember, if you were straight, the drama wouldn’t disappear.

So what do you think? Are lesbians more dramatic?

Bad Lesbian Halloween Costumes

Tags

bad halloween costumes, bisexual, breakup, catholic schoolgirl, costumes, Dating, drinking, femme, friends, Halloween, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Lilo, Lindsay Lohan, prisoner, Queer, relationships, Samantha Ronson, SamRo, Sex, sexy, Yoga Instructor

Remember how cute they were together?Not anymore. Totes dunzo.

I know, I know. There’s a lot of Halloween going on “up in this bitch” as the kids say. BUT, I can’t get enough Halloween. I have to say, Halloween is a great time to impress your crush with how hot/creative you are. I know some of you who thought my costume ideas were really inside the box (pun intended) have a few awesome, creative ideas for Halloween costumes. I’m sure they are going to be wunderbar but we need to talk about costumes that you should avoid wearing this Halloween.

Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson

Ok, the urge to dress like these two can be strong. Especially is you are coupled up. However, it’s better to avoid dressing as these two. First of all, they haven’t been happy together since like 2006, so it’s all a little dated. These days SamRo is quietly dating a yoga instructor and steering clear of Lindsay whenever possible. Lilo went all stalkerazzi on Sam and bought an apartment in the same complex as her and it was all embarrassing and weird. Which is kind of a downer. Meanwhile, Lindsay’s problems are getting worse and worse AND the media is treating her like public enemy number one for really no reason. Does anyone even remember what she did? Yes, she’s a trainwreck, but she also never hurt anyone and there are plenty of celebrities who have, who are jail free. (I’m looking at you Charlie “McDomestic Violence” Sheen) So let’s leave Lindsay alone. NEXT!

Prisoner

Sometimes, the difference between sexy and trashy is obvious. Exhibit A.

Chances are, if you a blond/redhead and dress up as a prisoner everyone is going to think you are Lindsay Lohan anyway. And we’ve already discussed the reasons that isn’t good. You also have two choices for this costume, either bright orange or black and white horizontal stripes. As everyone knows, horizontal stripes are hard to pull off. But let’s say you are hot enough to pull it off- horizontal stripes in black and white might make the drunk girl you are drunkenly chatting up dizzy enough for the night to end with you holding her hair back. That’s not sexy. And bright orange? That color looks good on maybe 10% of the population. Soooo just say no to crime or drugs or whatever.
Catholic Schoolgirl

I’m not going to front like this costume isn’t sexy. It’s crazy sexy! But, it’s not really for Halloween. It’s just been done to death. It’s

I know what you're thinking. "Ooo it lights up so maybe this one is different!" No, no it's not. There will still be hordes of Catholic Schoolgirls who look just like you.

dead and gone, dead and gone. Like the love between SamRo and Lilo. That’s sad. Save this costume for when you and your lady are looking to spice things up in the bedroom.

Tampon/MaxiPad/Skidmark

Believe it or not, these costumes happen. Frequently. I’m not even going to include a picture, but if you are really curious Google it. For those of you who wear these costumes, listen up! You aren’t funny, you just make everyone want to barf all the Halloween candy they scarfed. You lose. No girls for you.

If you were planning on wearing any of these costumes, return it and try again!

The Minority Report: Hair Uncut

Tags

bisexual, body image, coming out, Dating, femme, friends, girls, Hair, haircut, hairstyle, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, Queer, relationships, Sex

Do YOU think I look cray cray?

Have you ever had a moment when you realized you’re kind of insane? My moment came when I was watching back the first episode of my new webseries, “The Minority Report.” The webisode “stars” me and fellow blog-a-holic Cynthia, chatting about queer hair and what it means to our community in terms of visibility and hotness. I’ve been on camera before, I’ve done interviews with rock grrl band Hunter Valentine, various LGBT directors, actresses and comedians. The comedians are probably my favorite, they crack me up.

All these really required of me is to sit there, ask questions based on hours of bordering on obsessive research, listen to the answer and smile. It worked. It also cloaked me in the illusion of sanity. The Minority Report was my first time on camera not delivering a straight forward interview and next to my composed and thoughtful counterpart…I realized…that I’m a little out there.

Perhaps I should have been clued into this when my college sorority gave me the nickname “Quiet Riot” as in “You aren’t the loudest girl but everything you say is funny.” In sorority-land being “funny” isn’t a great thing. It’s much better to be skinny. It’s also better to be straight but I never got with that program either. I think I’m comfortable with my new found realization of the scope of my crazy.

Here’s the video so you can assess it for yourself:

Some reactions to this video have been:

1) Don’t cut your hair

2) You’re so stupid

3) You’re Quinn from Daria

4) Don’t cut your hair

What do you think of it? The next few episodes of The Minority Report feature a third “panelist” and is more like The View…but crazy. Like everything I’m even remotely involved in.

The Minority Report originally appeared here: http://bgalife.com/?p=1165 If you NEED more Natasia, you can check out my youtube page here: http://www.youtube.com/user/etane?feature=mhee

Am I Attracted To You Or Do I Want To Be You? #LesbianProblems

Tags

advice, attraction, bisexual, bound, Brooklyn, corky, Dating, femme, friends, gina gershon, girls, in the club, Katherine Moennig, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, metropolitan, Queer, relationships, Sex, Shane, The L word, tough girls, violet

Are you a Violet who needs a Corky? Or do you want to be Corky?

I always talk about shaking up my look. I look like your average semi-corporate good girl. But lately I’ve been craving loads of black eyeliner, piercings and tattoos. Oh and possibly shaving a section of my waist-length hair. Just because.

I was at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan bar and all the women I thought were the most attractive were edgy…with loads of black eyeliner, piercings, tattoos and asymmetrical haircuts. “You like tough girls,” my friend pointed out. That’s  when I realized…I don’t know if I’m attracted to tough girls or if I want to BE a tough girl.

Do you want to feel Shane today or do you want to feel up Shane today? It's a pretty tough call.

It makes sense that people would be attracted to people who have qualities they admire. Some women are drawn to the man who is the life of the party or has a great sense of humor. But this is a more multi-layered problem for gays. Do you want to make out with the girl who’s the center of attention or do you want everyone’s eye on you? Do you want to make out with the girl in the gray knit cap or do you want to steal it when she takes it off and goes to the bathroom?

Here’s a quiz I’ve devised so you can figure out if you are genuinely into your crush or  if you want to jack her swag.

1. You look over at your crush, she’s talking to another girl. You think:

a. Oh man, the girl she’s talking to is super hot.

b. I’m soooo much cuter than that girl.

c. Threesome anyone?

2. You and your crush strike up a conversation, she keeps making you crack up. You think: 

a. I WISH I had jokes like that!

b. She’s so funny, she would write great vows for our wedding.

c. ZOMG, you’re so funny it’s making me take my top off.

3. Your crush is on the dance floor with her friends, you go over and: 

a. Challenge her to a dance off.

b. Use your smile to lure her over to you and then impress her with your dance moves.

c. Grind with her then turn around and do the Jersey Turnpike.

Do you think we're starting to look too much alike?

If you got mostly A’s: You’re a swacker! You want to be this girl, not date her. If you two dated, you would become that lesbian couple that dresses the same and starts looking the same and that’s just so weird. Just be friends with her okay?

Mostly B’s: Congrats! It’s a real crush. Now go out there and try not to bring a U-haul or a cat to the second date.

Mostly C’s: You’re kinda slutty. I like that, lez be friends.

Have any of you ever had this problem? Is it worse for lesbians? Do you think you can want to be like someone and still be genuinely into pursuing a relationship with them?

They Call Them Crushes Cuz They Crush You

Tags

athletes, bisexual, college, crush, crushes, crushing, date, Dating, femme, friends, girls, ice hockey, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, Queer, relationships, school, Sex, university

I think about you a lot

I’ve been noticing a pattern on this blog. In fact, I thought about it all through the weekend as I hunkered down with my loved ones and our respective dogs during Hurricane Irene. It seems like many of you are crushing on women that you either:

1. Never ask out

2. Never talk to

Now ladies, this worries me. How can the world produce happy lesbian couples when we are too scared to talk to each other? Don’t give me the “I’m scared of rejection” crap. Rejection happens to everyone. I’ve been rejected tons of times. When I was young and single, I approached people all the time. I had to, otherwise I would have never met anyone. Most of the time it paid off and sometimes I had to deal with the bitter sting of rejection. One of the great powers of the human brain is that we can block out memories that make us unhappy. I can report that the memories of being rejected are hazy and the memories of a night gone right last for MUCH longer. Plus you get bragging rights. If you don’t talk to the hot girl with the lip ring, you can’t say to your friends “Remember the time I banged that chick with the lip ring?”

It’s scientifically proven 99% of queer girls have hooked up with a chick with a lip ring

Now, I realize as someone who is already married maybe you’re all like, “What does she know? She doesn’t have to deal with this kind of stuff anymore!” And you are right, I know very little. Barely anything in fact. However, I do have a story. A horrible, awful, embarrassing story. And I’m going to share it with you, because yours can’t be worse.

Gosh, I'm embarrassed

I went to a small school within a large university for college. So while my University had tens of thousands of students, my freshman class within my major only had about 150 people in it. We all had the same classes freshman year and continued on to basically fulfill the core of our coursework together over the next four years. When I entered college, I did so with a long distance boyfriend. I didn’t know I was gay but my boyfriend at the time had an inkling. When your boyfriend repeatedly asks you if you are gay, it might be an issue but that’s another story for another time.

Anyway so I walk into my first class on the first day of classes and you guys…a lesbian walked into class. A Canadian, ice-hockey playing, boi, to be exact. My heart started racing and I felt dizzy…and confused. I also lost any ability to speak. You know like words? She sat in front of me to the right, so I could sneak glances at her. I walked out of class that day completely freaked the eff out. As in…what the hell was that?

I almost forgot my name when I met Rachel Maddow. So if you can see a girl you like and retain the ability to speak, you’re a step ahead of me

 It wasn’t a one time thing. I lost the ability to speak every time I saw this girl and she was in 3 of my 5 classes…like for the next four years. She actually tried to talk to me a few times, as constant exposure to someone will prompt a sane person to do. I have no idea what I said back, but I think it was all one word answers. For example:

“Hi, where are you from?”

“Brooklyn.” 

Or

“Hey do you know if that AFL-CIO guy is guest lecturing in class later?”

“No”

And

“Are you going to the Dar Williams Concert?”

“Who’s that?” 

Being a blusher blows

I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought I was a huge jerk. Even after I came out, I always had a reason not to talk to her. Like “I’m in a relationship now” or “My ex is sitting right there.” (Dating in a small school is hard) While both of these are valid reasons, they were excuses. I could have found the time to talk to her if I had wanted too. Whether I was dating men or women, I was usually the aggressor. I dated other classmates, women I met at parties. I would just walk up to people, talk to them, get their number, ask them to dinner. Boom. There you got yourself a date. If they say no, just find someone else. That’s not to dismiss everyone’s fears about dating and rejection, it was never a process that intimidated me…but when Ice Hockey Chick walked by I blushed. Like turned beet red.

I never actually went to a game, but I don't think girls play ice hockey in bikinis

To this day I don’t know exactly why I was so afraid to talk to her. But I do know it’s root cause is a fear that goes deeper than rejection. When we put ourselves out there to another person, we are risking everything and asking the other person to do the same. Maybe I was afraid to talk to her because I was worried she would kill my romantic fantasy of her. She was the epitome of the strong, outspoken, athletic lesbian. She raised her hand in class and gave the long winded, liberal speeches in that I thought but never said out loud. Maybe I was scared to talk to her because I didn’t want to see her imperfections, the chinks in her armor. Maybe I didn’t want to see the things that made her vulnerable because I needed her to stay on her pedestal.

I’m not writing this as a “road not travelled” piece. I don’t regret not dating this girl, my life is going the way it’s supposed to go. But if you put every girl on a pedestal, if you let that fear run your life and the threat of rejection dictate your choices, you are going to miss out on someone amazing. So speak up.

Femme on Femme Invisibility

Tags

Bangs, Bush, Clint Eastwood, Dating, Dirty Harry, drinking, femme, friends, girls, Hot Girl, in the club, lesbian, LGBT, NYC, Queer, Seventies, Stereotypes, T.A.T.U.

Hello Kitty or Lesbo Kitty?

Last night, a young lady in daisy dukes and long straight hair to her waist held the elevator door at my apartment complex for me. She also pushed the button for my floor. So chivalrous, right? “Thanks!” I chirped. Anyone holding an elevator door is a rarity in NYC. Usually, they point and laugh as the doors close on you. We take our schadenfreude veeerrrrry seriously here.

Do you guys hold the door for straight women and they never say thank you? That’s why I don’t hold doors for them anymore. Also: the one with the juice box is the gay one. I just know.

Instead of “You’re welcome” she blurted out, “YOU’RE REALLY PRETTY!”

WHO ME? No way! We struck up a convo and around the 30^th floor, I complimented her and she gave me a goofy grinny face…the same kind I give when I’m smitten with someone I just met. Oh. That’s a surprise.

I had encountered a baby femme. A freakin’ ballsy baby femme, who reminds me of myself 6 years ago, before I became an old married lady and I totally femme invisibility-ed out on her! For those of you who don’t know, femme invisibility is the term used to describe queer women who feel unrecognized by both the gay & straight communities. I frequently blame femme invisibility on the fact that straight people don’t think about gay, it’s not something that’s ‘top of consciousness’ for them. So of course they will ask me if I have a boyfriend, even if I’ve mentioned my partner multiple times. They don’t think in “queer.”

But this is different. I’m a huge gay blogging gaymo. I can recognize other femmes if I’m in a queer settings. I.e. a dyke bar, Gay-Straight Alliance organization, LGBT volunteer event, queer themed art event. But outside of those situations, not so much. So I’m left with this question: If femme’s can’t recognize other femme’s, how can we hope for anyone else to recognize us?

Nope. Not actually gay.

I don’t know the answer. But I’m going to take a lesson from the baby femme I met last night and pass it on to you guys. If you think a girl is hot, just tell her and see what happens. I think this could be a revolutionary first step to eradicating femme invisibility.

On a completely unrelated note, I saw the Clint Eastwood 70’s classic “Dirty Harry” in Bryant Park yesterday. It had 70’s music, 70’s clothing and um…70’s bush on the BIG SCREEN. You know what? It wasn’t bad. Retro is really hot right now. The movie was cool too.

Bush in the Park

Ask the Femme: The Real L Word Edition

Tags

ask the femme, bisexual, Celebrities, femme, friends, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer, reality tv, Sex, Stereotypes, The Real L Word, trashy, TV

This is the way, it's the way that we...lie topless in a heap?

I get a lot of questions about The Real L Word. Even though I only watched two or three episodes of season two, I devoted about 100 hours to thought, discussion and recapping the first season. Also, Rose from season one called me a bitch on Facebook and Nikki and Jill second that emotion, which means I’m still qualified to answer your questions. I’ve compiled a list of my most popular Real L Word questions into one post, for your convenience. Let us continue to beat this dead beaver into the cold, cold ground.

Are the Real L Word girls on Facebook?

Yes, yes they are.

Mikey is probably the only person in this picture who wouldn't punch me in the face. So she's my fav.

Can I friend them?

You can try, but most of them are at or are close to the 5000 friend limit or value their privacy. Many of them have fan Facebook pages, where you can “like” them and keep on top of their comings and goings and sometimes see pics of them naked/in bikinis. Yay!

Are they on Twitter?

Yes, google search their names plus twitter and it will pop up. I would list it for you but I’m lazy.

Can you tell me what Whitney’s tattoo’s mean?

No, see above lazy comment.

Do you have any pictures of Whitney lying down naked?

Fuck yea #Romiboobs!

Um no. How would I get those?! I don’t have any personal pictures of any of the women. You can try to get your own by going to one of the queer parties they frequent. One of my readers even saw boobs.

How do the girls on The Real L Word have sex?

Dude, you are obvs a str8 person who wants me to describe lesbian sex to you. just watch the show! They will show you how they do it. You don’t need to hear it from me or any other lesbian. Please, never ask a lesbian you meet in real life this question, it’s really insulting/annoying/creepy.

What do lesbians think of The Real L Word?

Dear Str8 Person- this is a completely reasonable and respectful question to ask. Thanks for restoring my faith in humanity. Okay, I can’t speak for everyone. From what I see, most younger (teen-20ish) lesbians love it and aspire to live it. The 25-35 bracket loves to hate it and when we are at our worst, we can admit that sometimes…it is disturbingly accurate of all the crazy. The 35plus bracket is too smart to watch this crap.

Maybe if Natalie had come back for season 2, I would have watched.

I have to admit that I love trashy reality TV and I’m addicted to it like a mofo. The first season of The Real L Word lagged in terms of interesting storylines and for some reason the second season just didn’t keep my attention. I can’t pinpoint the exact reason why.

My main problem with the show is that I don’t like that it shows the full blown act of sex. Most reality shows just imply it, but for some reason, the lone lesbian reality TV show has explicit porno scenes. In the original series, “The L Word,” there is a scene where Jenny’s book, “Les Girls” is being made into a movie. The str8 male director wants the actresses to actually have real sex, instead of just simulating it, like most movies. Jenny and Tina are disgusted, roll their eyes and nix the idea. Maybe Ilene Chaiken forgot about that scene, as she is the creator of both series. It’s great to have representation on TV, but we aren’t being treated like everyone else and that really grinds my gears.

If you have any Real L Word comments or questions, get them out of your system in the comments!

Penetrating the Posse

Tags

bars, bisexual, bribes, Dating, drinking, femme, friends, girls, in the club, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, NYC, Queer, relationships, Sex, wingman, wingmen

This is HER. She's worth the trouble.

So you are a happy single lady at a dyke bar, getting your drank on with some friends and kicking back. Then…you see HER. She’s exactly your type and deep down in your beer soaked heart, you know SHE could be the ONE…that you go home with. The only problem? She’s surrounded by friends on all sides and you have no idea how to get to her.

This is a serious problem that plagues dyke bars nationwide. It’s happened to all of us at one point and chances are your own buddies have done some unintentional lady-love blocking too. Let’s break this down together so we can stop the cycle.

You will need a strategy. Do NOT push through her circle of friends to get to her. Pushing her friends will make them mad. They will think you are a tool and you will not be granted access to HER. In fact, you might even get a beat down. Here are some better strategies.

Wingman Swarm

Wingmen exist specifically for situations like this. Have your group of friends descend upon hers. Have one buddy chat up the girl to HER left and one take the girl to HER right, leaving the center wide open. If you are a sportier dyke than I am, free free to insert some kind of sports reference in here, I don’t know any.

Discuss who is going to approach who beforehand, so no one gets hurt while SWARM-ing

The theory behind the wingman approach is that if HER friends feel sexy and are having a good time chatting up your buddies, they won’t be as protective of their other friends as they would be if they were bored. If everyone is being flirted with, everyone is happy. The drawback to this approach is if her friends aren’t cute, you will owe your wingmen beers. This can get costly.

Get With HER Friends

I can’t remember if it was Lord Byron or the Spice Girls who said “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” Either way, it was said and it’s true. If you start by chatting up a girl on the edge of the group in a friendly, not a flirty way you can get into the inner sanctum. Start with a compliment, i.e. “I love your wallet chain!” and move to “So how do you all know each other?” Then grab another girl in from the group, “Jane says you all met in your women’s studies class. Queers in a women’s study class? No way!” Once these two girls like you, they will introduce you to some of the others and when you slyly buy HER a drink, no one will object.

The best part of this approach is that even if you strike out romantically, you will still meet a lot of cool women. You might also uncover a hidden treasure and be more drawn to a girl you overlooked in the beginning of your mission too.

Cuz girls love drinks

There are two potential pitfalls. The first being that the wrong girl will think you are into her and you won’t be able to make your move without insulting her. Or two, HER friend’s are douchebags/pretentious/boring. If this is the case, then chances are the girl you want isn’t that great either. Someone’s friends is a good indication of who they are.

Bribery

Buy HER and HER friend a drink. Whichever one is closest. Sometimes you will have to buy drinks for all 3,4 or 5 of them. This is probably the strategy with the highest success rate, but you gotta be a balla. So for most of us, this is sooo not an option.

So pick a plan and go get your girl! Share your worst/best experiences in the comments if you got any!

Ask the Femme: Is My Coworker a Grrl or a Girl?

Tags

advice, coworkers, Dating, drinking, femme, friends, lesbian, relationships

It’s so hard to tell if a girl plays for your team or not, especially when it comes to the workplace. Should you ask her out even if you aren’t sure of her sexuality? Read more to find out!

Ask me a question, I promise to think reeeal hard about it!

Dear Femme,

I’m trying to ask out a girl, who is also the program assistant for my professional training program, but I can’t gauge her sexuality to save me. She talks flirtatiously with me, the only times I’ve ever seen her smile is when she sees me, I joke around with her plenty, etc., but today I tried to invite her out for drinks to return the favor for storing a small box with my stuff for me. But she declined on the basis that I had to stop thanking her for holding my stuff. Even though the training coordinators said they couldn’t hold all 16 of my classmates’ boxes.

Have I completely lost my chance? What do you think?

Lost in Translation

Ps. I’m moving to Europe for work at the end of August. We’ll still be colleagues, but she’ll be in the US.

 

Hi LiT,

Thanks for writing in! I’m going to tell you to forget trying to figure out if this chick is queer or not. Just go for it and ask her out. She might have declined drinks because she thought you only wanted to take her out because she did you a favor, not because you liked her. My guess is that she wants you to hang out with her because you WANT to, not because she did you a favor. You might have thought that was a thinly veiled excuse, she might have really bought it.

She obviously likes you, at least as a person if she’s straight, so you haven’t lost your chance. Come clean and let her know you want to go for drinks with her because you want to get to know her better. Something along the lines of, “We have so much fun at work, I want to get to know you better.” If she’s gay and there are sparks, you will know. If she’s straight, you will at least have made a new drinking buddy.

There is also a chance that she doesn’t want to get involved with you because you are colleagues. That can be a sticky situation, so you need to be prepared to be shot down. However, since you are also leaving the country in a few weeks you won’t have to face her every day for months if she shoots you down! You have nothing to lose, LiT, so go for the gold!

Let me know how it goes!

Xoxo

The Femme

Want some advice? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com or message me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/natasiarose