No Glove, No Love: Grrl Style

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adult, adult toys, babeland, bisexual, Brooklyn, condoms, dental dam, disneyland, dyke, erotic toys, erotica, girl on girl, gloves, grrl, hot, lbq, lesbian, LGBT, protection, Queer, safe sex, Sex, sexy, toys

Women, alllllways with the foosball

I don’t know if many of you frequent the LGBT friendly adult shop, Babeland. But, they recently announced that their Brooklyn location will now be delivering! I’m pretty sure this is the first time an erotic store ever decided to deliver their goods This is great news, especially for lesbians. Ermmm…you can draw your own conclusions why.

Anywho, in celebration of this momentous event. I’ve decided to share my sad tale of a night without a happy ending.

A long time ago in Brooklyn, way before Hot Femme was married, she lived in a tiny apartment at the edge of Park Slope. One night, she went on a date with a lady friend who decided she wanted to see the inside of Hot Femme’s…apartment. The only problem was…there was no protection at Hot Femme’s apartment! No dams, no gloves. So what are two hot young dykes to do? The girls went to three drug stores and one sex  store (who will remain nameless) and came up empty. So they got some ice cream and went to sleep instead.

The. End.

Condoms are sold everywhere, constantly, they probably sell them at Disneyland. But gloves and dams are much harder to come by. Guess who sells them? Babeland! Now no one has to pass on surprise sex because they don’t have gloves ready and waiting. Do you guys hear that? That’s the sound of safe girl-on-girl action in BK.

How Do You Wear Your Hair Down There?

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Beauty, bikini, grooming, grrl, landing strip, lesbian, LGBT, Queer, sexy, shave, vajazzle, waxing

Let's get a little bit naughty

All this talk of merkins around here is making me hungry! Oh wait, no it’s not. It’s making me think of downstairs’ hairstyles. I was chatting with a pretty 26 year old blond queer chick who told me that she used to get a brazilian, but now that she’s older, she leaves a strip.

Which led me to wonder, Sex and the City style, does leaving a strip make you seem more grown up then going all bare?

There are a few reasons why women wax, some of us do it for ourselves and others do it for their partners. I do it because I’m too lazy to shave or trim or whatever. I go in once every two months, get a completely bare brazilian and proceed to forget about any type of upkeep until I have to go back in. (That’s what she said)  Upon further introspection, I guess that is kind of immature. But it’s also a reflection of a busy lifestyle. My brazilian says that I have places to go and things to do and I can’t be bothered with trimming!

Ahem.

Anywho, I’ve also been thinking about other ‘hairstyles’ and what this says about the women who rock them.

Landing Strip: You’re a career oriented woman and you have your ish together. You know exactly where your clit is and you’re willing to endure the pain it takes to point your partner directly to that spot. I like the way you get down to business, girl.

What do YOU think is going on in there?

Bikini Wax: You’re a traditional and practical gal. This style is the least amount of pain while still keeping you neat and tidy when it’s beach season. Let’s start a book club together.

Shapes/Vajazzling: You love your boyfriend. ZOMG you love him so much and you can’t wait to see the look on his face when he realizes you got his initials waxed onto your vaj! P.s. Happy 19th birthday.

Shaving: You dislike pain and don’t see the point of spending money on waxing. You host a lot of potlucks, which is a great way to meet more women.

Au Natural: You enjoy free love and possibly the smell of patchouli. If you invite me to your spring harvest celebration, I’ll go. I promise.

…So…if you’re brave enough, tell me how you like your hair down there or how you prefer your girl to wear it, in the comments!

You’re Going to Have to Pay For That

Tags

bar, bouncer, club, cover, Dating, drinking, dyke bar, femme, friends, gay, girl bar, girls, grrl, Hot Girl, in the club, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer

Grabbing your friends ass probably won't get you into the grrl bar for free, but I'll be impressed

“Three for two discount?” My pretty straight friend purred to the bouncer outside NYC’s biggest dyke bar. “Nice try, sweetheart.” The bouncer replied. We forked over ten more dollars for the privilege of entry. Luckily for me, my straight friends are more than happy to pay the cover if it means they can drink and dance without men coming up to us every minute. They already know the drill, you’re not getting into the dyke bar for free.

At straight bars, I’m usually able to talk someone into letting me skip the line or the cover or both. At lesbian parties/bars I’ve gotten in for free once…ONCE!

Even she's only gotten in free once

There’s a few reasons for this. Lesbians tend to nest and stay home once they find their girlfriend. This gets even worse in the winter, when most of you just choose a girlfriend from the stable of girls you are currently dating specifically in order to avoid having to go out in a miniskirt when it’s cold. Yes, that’s a great reason to get into a relationship. Anywho, what this means is that the revenue for places that are lez bars 24/7 drops like your ex’s panties when she sees a girl with a lipring. Therefore, the prices for those of us who actually go are jacked up in order to keep the bar in business.

Basically, if we don’t pay the cover, NYC could end up like another major city (I’m looking at you Boston) that doesn’t have ANY 24/7 grrl bars. That would be a disaster. I’m sad just thinking about it.

No dyke bars? But where will I go to find my own kind?

The other reason is more irritating. Lesbians don’t care how cute you are. They really don’t. The bouncer knows that even if she turns you and your fabulous boobs away, there will be another great pair around the corner, who won’t complain about paying the cover.

I'll pay the cover...and make out with your girlfriend while your cheap butt is at home

The only way to get around paying covers or waiting on line is to become friends with the bouncer/bartender/owner. The owner of the bar, being the best option, so shoot for that one. I’m not talking like BS, shoot the breeze whenever you walk in kind of way. I’m not even talking in the dating kind of way. Dating any of the three people I mentioned is more likely to get you banned from the bar than in for free. You need to bring her soup when she’s sick, watch her dog when she goes on vacation and help her move when her girlfriend finds out about the chick with the faux hawk.

Yeah, this one

Is that worth it to skip paying the cover? Probably not. So we’ll just all keep paying, cuz lesbians are so awesome to party with that any cover would be worth it. Errmm…right?

It’s Liebster Blog Award Time!

Tags

boi, femme, grrl, lesbian, LGBT, Queer, The Liebster Blog Award

Whoy, Ah gots me an award Oi did! (that's my Cockney accent)

The lovely Conchsaladesque gave me a Liebster blog award! Woohoo. I rarely win anything, so this is a pretty big deal in Hot Femme land. Ahem, even if it came with the caveat that you need to read a few of my posts before you ‘get it.’ That’s her subtle way of saying, “this chick is cray cray.” But I’ll take it!

The Liebster Blog Award is all about  spotlighting newer, up-and-coming blogs that typically have less than 200 followers. 200 huh? To quote Petey Pablo, I ain’t quite there yet, but I’m getting better at it. Like Fight Club, there are rules to getting a Liebster Blog Award. Let’s peruse them together.

The Rules of Acceptance:

• Copy and paste the award on your blog
• Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you
• Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
• Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

Does this sound kind of like a chain letter? Yeaaahhh. Iz ok. I don’t know how to choose just FIVE blogs to recommend, because I read and love a whole bunch. But I guess here are the ones I’m the most obsessed with.

Camilla at Girls Are Made of Pepsi: Camilla is the authority on all things queer. She’s smart, funny, fashionable and has a knack for knowing the kind of pop culture stories that interest 20-something lezzies. Also- she’s just supa fly.

Bren at Buzz Cuts and Bustiers: This is one of the first WordPress blogs I read. I love it! Bren is the ultimate expert on queer boi/grrl stuff. Anyone who loves all things boi needs to check it out, ASAP.

Lame Adventures Woman at Lame Adventures: The writing on this blog is tight. Lame Adventures takes everyday tasks and makes them hilarious. I have literally snorted coffee out of my nose while reading, so be prepared.

The Queer Girl in the City:  I like this blog because it’s honest and fun but also highlights some important issues like sexism, misogyny and homophobia. It takes skill to tackle issues like this in a relatable way, but she def does.

Tatiana at ParisianFeline: Very few things leave me speechless, but this blog usually does. Tatiana tackles topics such as beauty and the meaning of friendship in a way that will make you think…for awhile. She wrote one of my favorite blog posts ever with: Being Ugly and the Power of Beauty 

Ack! There are a ton of other blogs I want to include. Basically, if I take the time to comment on your blog, it means I heart you and your writing. Happy Saturday everyone!

Sexy Lesbian Halloween Costumes For 2011

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batman, boi, Catwoman, cheerleader, costumes, femme, football, grrl, Halloween, halloween costumes, harley quinn, Kendra, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, playboy, poison ivy, Queer, Sex, stud, superheroes

Halloween! It’s one of those holidays you either love, hate or love to hate or hate to love! It’s my favorite drunken holiday, so I think I’m in the hate to love category

This is how a femme can be a football player! (via http://www.3wishes.com)

. This year, I’m being a pirate. My past costumes include Xena, Princess Leia (gold bikini style), Scarlett O’Hara, Britney Spears (Puerto Rican style), a gypsy and a sailor.

Umm…sometimes I go wear more than one costume on Halloween. Anywho, I’ve got some great ideas as to what YOU should wear if you are here and queer this Halloween season. How did I pick these costumes? They’re the ones that I’d like to see you wearing.

Athlete

Some of us need to buy costumes for this and some of us can just wear what we wear out on the field. Softball player is one of my favorite costumes. It’s a good look and it works for femmes, studs and everything in between!

Not into softball? You can substitute any sport. I’ve seen a few really cute football costumes for femmes (see picture). I ALMOST went with this costume this year, but in the end I decided that requires too much ab work. If you are going as a couple- try football player and cheerleader or basketball player and stepper. This can also work for groups and you can even have someone dress up as the referee! Playboy does a really cute referee costume, modeled by reality star ( and rumored bisexual) Kendra.

Want her to call the shots? (via http://www.partycity.com)

Police Woman/Fire Fighter/Military Servicewoman

Who doesn’t love a woman in uniform! Police woman is always hot because of the handcuffs and a fire fighter has a huge hose. If you want to look hot AND celebrate the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, go as a member of our armed forces! Activists are always sexy. The plus with these costumes is that you can find variations with skirts, pants or shorts. So you can stay in your comfort zone and rock it out.

Stud? Boi? Femme? How can a costume exist that everyone can wear? Here it is! (via http://www.3wishes.com)

Gangsta

Lesbians love hats. This costume has a fedora. You love it, your girlfriend loves it, even your ex-girlfriend loves it but she’ll never tell YOU about it. She’s not gonna give you the satisfaction. Sorry! If you are a huge playa, this is the costume for you. Ladies love a bad girl.

You want this fedora. I know you do. Just admit it, girl. (via http://www.3wishes.com)

Superhero

Queer girls can kick ass. What better way to show that on Halloween than by dressing up as your favorite superhero! Wonderwoman is a classic and a great choice for raven haired ladies. Supergirl is good for blondes and Catwoman is good for EVERYBODY.

It can also be good for couples. Want to know my dream couple Halloween costume? Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn from Batman. As I’ve mentioned on this blog before, I’m going to be a pirate this year. What are you going as? Are you doing any cute couple/group themes? Let me know about it in the comments!

Who's going to dress up with me next year?! (via http://www.comicvine.com)

Fall 2011 Nail Colors for Grrls and Bois

Tags

2011, autumn, body image, boi, Essie, fall, Fall 2011, Fashion, femme, grrl, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, nail polish, OPI, Queer, trends

Despite the fact that I’m trying to hold onto summer tooth and nail, it appears that Fall is upon us. The only upside to summer being over is that fall fashion is one of the best times of the year. Knee high boot season? Yes please.

I have to admit I’m in a bit of a fall nail polish rut. Ever since OPI came out with their Russian line in 2007, I’ve been keeping my nails short and dark through fall and winter and covered in Midnight in Moscow. I prefer it to the other OPI fall/winter staple Lincoln Park After Dark because of it’s ruby undertones.

So I’m going to start shaking it up and luckily this season there are tons of awesome, surprisingly gender neutral tones to choose from. Taupes, greys, greens and dark blues and purples are in, so even if you can’t share your girlfriend’s clothes because they aren’t your style/size, at least you two can share nail polish this fall!

Power Clutch by Essie via http://www.mynailpolishonline.com

Let’s start with Essie’s Power Clutch. The color is a gray-green and it’s cute and edgy without being too feminine. Grrls can use this color to add an edge to their look and boi’s who like to paint their nails will find this to be a great alternative to black. Personally I plan to rock this color with a lacy pink tube dress and a leather jacket. OPI has a similar color for this fall, called “Uh Oh Roll Down the Window” which is inspired by New York City. It’s more of an olive green and def worth checking out for girls who are into green but don’t want to look like they have grass growing on their fingernails.

A Taupe the Space Needle via http://www.nailstah.com

OPI is also getting into the gender-neutral trend this season with “A Taupe the Space Needle.” This color is inspired by Seattle, WA and is a pretty taupe with camel undertones. Grrls can match their fishnets to this color while bois can rock it with a burgundy tie. For those of you who want your taupe without the hint of brown, you can

French Quarter for Your Thoughts

check out Essie’s Glamour Purse, which is a truer taupe. Or, as they describe it on their website “almond taupe.”

If it’s grey you are after, a great choice is “French Quarter for Your Thoughts” by OPI. This color is inspired by (duh) New Orleans Lousiana!  Grey goes with everything and will give you a clean and professional look, while still being unique.

I got my nails done yesterday and I chose Essie’s Sexy Divide (what does that even mean?). It’s a purple so dark it’s almost black. I love it but it’s a little too close to Midnight in Moscow, so I think I’m going for Power Clutch next time.

What will you be wearing this fall?

Sexy Divide via http://www.beautyofnewyork.com

Disclaimer: I don’t get any kickbacks from OPI or Essie, they just happen to be the only brands I wear. But if you are reading marketing teams, a kickback would be awesome, thanks!