Ask the Femme: Do Lesbian Relationships Last?

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advice, break up, cheaters, cheating, Chick-Fil-A, Dating, Drama, forever, gay, heartbreak, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, marriage, relationships, single, straight

It’s brutal honesty time, Hot Femme style. You asked, “do lesbian relationships last?”

Well yes, duh. But let’s get down to the deets. photo credit: Ara Lucia via photo pin cc

Dear Femme,

I’m an Asian lesbian in my 30′s and I’ve been single for almost a year. I can’t seem to find that special woman who I feel physically and emotionally attracted too and who feels the same about me. I was always in a relationship in my 20′s and felt the need to be intimate with someone but in my 30′s. I no longer need to fullfill that sexual need. I also find it harder as I get older to find a partner. I moved to another state for a partner I trusted. But she left me for a man who was her best friend and whom I also believed was my friend. I believe lesbian relationships don’t last and have begun to feel jaded. I don’t like to feel lonely and hate sleeping alone but can’t seem to find a woman that I can feel intimate attracted too and safe with. Please help, thanks.

Azn

Hi Azn,

Thanks for writing in! There is a lot going on here. You’ve had a bad experience and I’m sorry for that. You placed your trust in the wrong person, changed your life for her, she betrayed you and it sucks. But you need to move on.

Stern cat says, “Get over it or I’ll claw your face off.” That cat means business. photo credit: Mr. Ducke via photo pin cc

Being single for a year isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you; it’s not even that long to be single! It seems as though you have already starting thinking about your own needs and what you want from a partner. I’m going to suggest that you continue to learn about yourself and worry less about being single. Put finding love on hold for a little while, go out and have fun. Don’t stay home and feel sorry for yourself, join a gym, take cooking or art classes, drink your coffee at a café instead of at home. While you are out doing things and learning to love your own company, the right woman will come along. But you won’t meet her if you are at home hiding under the covers and crying over someone who didn’t deserve you.

No matter how cute you are, girls can’t bust into your bedroom and find you. photo credit: Helga Weber via photo pin cc

Also, you should keep in mind that just because your former love left you for a man, not all women will do that to you. Lesbian relationships aren’t doomed to failure. The Chick-Fil-A guy didn’t put some crazy curse on us that causes girl on girl relationships to fail…ermm…I hope he didn’t. Either way I’m sure it won’t work.

What I’m saying is, people change and there is going to be drama, betrayal, love, affection in any relationship, gay or straight. People of all orientations, genders, races, religions and political affiliations get their hearts broken and if they are lucky, they find their forever love.

Need help meeting women? Check out Lez Unite! What the video below for the scoop.

The One That’s Kind of Serious: Heartbreak

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art, Beauty, Etta James, heartbreak, I'd rather go blind, lost love, music

Etta James has passed away. Her songs remind me that artists can take the pain in life and turn it into something universal; something that can connect millions of people for decades. Etta frequently sang of romance gone bad. Lost love is a horrible feeling, but the upside is the art that can come out of it. “I’d Rather Go Blind” makes me think of all the heartbreak the world has seen. We all have ‘the one that got away’ or ‘the one that never was’ or ‘a rough patch’ in a long term relationship. It’s a human experience that binds us, regardless of nationality or sexuality. Etta showed the beauty that grows from pain. That life is beautiful because it is ephemeral.

I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.

Songs About Your Ex Girlfriend

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bisexual, Celebrities, dancing, Dating, drinking, ex girlfriends, exes, femme, heartbreak, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, music, NYC, Queer, rock, village

Last Saturday night Cleveland dyke band 11 After was performing in my hood. So I meandered on over to drink and listen to some grrl-band music. After a long week at work, it’s nice to kick back and listen to some grrls rock out.

11 After kills it at The Village Lantern. Check 'em out: http://www.reverbnation.com/11after

It got emotional.

My favorite song was an 11 After original Psycho Psycho. It reminded me of someone. Yeah, that chick was a total psycho! Amirite?! She was obsessed with me because I’m the effing shiz. High five bra! Half a vodka tonic I realized it would probably remind someone else of me. Actually, I know exactly who it would remind of me. Sobering thought. Need more alcohol.

Mistake.

When 11After’s frontlez starting wailing a kickass version of Chris Isaak’s Wicked Games, I might have

passionately yelled, “It was a wicked thing to do! God it was so wicked.” before clutching someone’s shoulder and wondering if tears would be too over the top. Then I noticed that one of the 11 After girls was unzipping her pants and lifting up her shirt. Crisis averted…this time.

Insert dirty caption here.

There are some songs that are going to trigger beer tears over an ex. Let’s take a stroll down ‘Suck it Romance’ lane and look at some of my favorite lesbian break up songs.

“Give Me One Reason”- Tracy Chapman

Give me one reason to stay here/ And I’ll turn right back around/Because I don’t want to leave you lonely but you gotta make me change my mind.

This song means: I don’t want to break up with you but you never call me and are sleeping with my best friend/ex-girlfriend/boss/mom. So unless you stop we can’t work it out. You are pretending to break up with the other person in order to save the shreds of dignity you have left, but at the end of the day we all know what’s happening. Ouchies. Lie to yourself enough and you’ll survive.

Pick me, choose me, love me. Or download 11After's new single, 'Choose Me' on itunes!

“Like the Way I Do”- Melissa Etheridge

Tell me does she love you/like the way I love you/Does she stimulate you/Attract and captivate you?

Why will this song make you cry into your mic on lesbian karaoke night? Because it’ll make you think “I’M SO MUCH BETTER THAN HER WHY DO YOU LIKE HER MORE OH GOD WHO WANTS TO DO SOME SHOTS?” Ladies, let me tell you, the shots will make things worse not better. Now take a breath.

“Rolling in the Deep”- Adele

The scars of your love remind me of us/They keep me thinking that we almost had it all. You had my heart inside of your hand/And you played it to the beat.

Technically Adele isn’t a lesbian, but she still gets to be on this list cuz it’s my list and my rules. This song will make you think of the girl who who painted rainbows onto your heart and promised to love

you forever…but then she decided to hook up with the chick on her football team instead. That one. You can’t even get away from this song because of it’s awesome club remix. Nice. There is no way to stop the tears this time. Go outside and bum a smoke off someone sexy before your mascara runs.

Your future ex girlfriends

“She Only Loves Me When She’s Wasted”- Hunter Valentine

I have a mini-wienermobile http://www.robingelfenbien.com

The title of this song speaks for itself. You know that ‘relationship’ you had with that straight girl? Yeah. She’s not really your girlfriend. You know that but this song hammers it home. You watch your queer girlfriends make out with their queer girlfriends and effffff. Here come the tears. You’re never going to really have her! This blows! Just like the str8 chick. Man up and make out with the hot single lez with the wallet chain and vow never to touch a str8 woman again.

Speaking of straight chicks. During the 11 After show, a straight girl slipped me her wiener while her date was in the bathroom. She was a comedian who likes to drive vans that look like wieners.

Do you have any songs that remind you of your ex? Leave them in the comments!