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Hot Femme in the City

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Interview with Stephanie Schroeder, Author of “Beautiful Wreck”

10 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Entertainment, Relationships, Social Disease

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

bipolar, dyke spam, gay, Interview, lesbian, LGBT, literary, literature, memoir, New York City, Queer, relationships, Sex, suicide, tourettes

 

Stephanie Schroeder gracing the cover of “Beautiful Wreck,” which is currently gracing my nightstand

Queer girl biographies are never for the faint of heart and Stephanie Schroeder’s “Beautiful Wreck: Sex, Lies and Suicide” is no exception. Schroeder’s  memoir tells the story of her life as a 20-something New York City transplant, struggling with undiagnosed bipolar disease and tourettes. Oh yeah and dyke drama. Of course.

“Beautiful Wreck” touches on so many subjects near and dear to my heart that I had to interview Stephanie. Luckily for all of us, she said yes!

Hot Femme: How did you decide the time was right to tell your story?

Stephanie Schroeder: I’ve worked on this book for almost 10 years. I began writing it while I was still living it. “It” meaning dealing with severe depression and also mania, a psychotic break and diagnosis of bipolar disorder, a cheating girlfriend, one final suicide attempt, and so many other issues. I put my manuscript down and picked it up many, many times. I was unemployed for two years and it sat untouched the entire time because I was too busy worrying about just surviving–and I really wasn’t ready to finish it. But when I picked it up again in 2010, I was determined to finish it, hired an editor and seriously pitched it to agents and publishers. So that was my personal timeline. In addition, the time was ripe for a brutally honest story about intimate partner violence in the lesbian community. Plus, I have been blogging about mental illness and speaking on the topic for some time. I thought the timing was perfect to publish my memoir to address so many important issues around health, mental health, abuse, survival and other topics.

HF: You expose a lot of yourself, and others, in Beautiful Wreck. How did you decide to let go and share your experiences?

SS: I’ve been letting my stuff hang out in public for a very long time. I’m all about removing stigma and bearing personal witness in the process. I’m not being narcissistic, just very open (and vulnerable) in presenting my story. I hope other people see themselves in my work, not necessarily as a person with mental illness, but in any other situation in the book and do what they need to do. I’m all for helping people find their voice, whatever that means, and I hope this helps others find their own authenticity, to speak up as writers, artists, advocates, activists, as survivors of abuse of whatever kind, or anything else.

HF: How has your family reacted?

SS: I sent manuscripts to my entire biological family about a month before going to press: both my parents and my two sisters. They had all said write whatever I want, tell my own truth and they would deal with the result. My sister Ann, who is only two years younger, has been supportive throughout. My other sister, who is 10 years younger, hasn’t said a word. And, I actually cut out the sex scenes from the manuscripts I sent to my parents. My mother said she is profoundly sad I had to go through such a rough time in my childhood and teenage years and that she played a part in it. My father said he thought I let him off easy, which I think is the case with father in general. (And, for the record, my therapist would agree with me.)

HF: Do any of your exes know about Beautiful Wreck and have your heard from any of them?

SS: I was in the process of writing the book when I was with Phoebe, but I’m not sure she knows it’s been published. Melanie knows because a mutual friend told her about the publication. I don’t know whether she’s read it and neither she nor anyone else who is in the book has contacted me.

HF: Domestic violence is a problem that generally goes unmentioned in the lesbian community. Did you envision your memoir as a way to get this dialogue started?

SS: Yes and no. Intimate partner violence is mentioned from time to time in the queer press. I’ve blogged about it and other lesbian journalists have written about in popular lesbian publications. Lesbian therapists have published papers about it, etc. But it is a major issue I want to bring to light and keep the conversation going — or get it started!

HF: You write about several relationships that you stay in even after they are “past their expiration date.” This is something that a lot of women do, why did you stay in dysfunctional relationships and why do you think that this is so prevalent among women?

SS: I think it’s prevalent among everyone! It’s hard to break up and no one wants to hurt someone they have loved at some point by leaving them. I stayed because I was depressed, I had let myself be put in a position where I didn’t have an sustainable income or an independent way to support myself, and I sometimes felt I needed someone else to take care of me. There were lot of reasons due to my specific situations and circumstances.

HF: In the book you reveal the many ways that you have reinvented your style over the years, even going from androgynous to super femme. This is particularly interesting because many of us kind of pick one and run with it. What would you call your look now and why is this something that is so fluid for you.

SS: My style was fluid in the past — and I suppose could be again in the future. I would say that my present style is “urban cowgurl.” I have definitely been very femme in the past and at the time it felt right. I also felt that because I was attracted to very butch women in the past I had to be super femme in contrast. I feel more at home with myself now than ever before. But, it’s not just because of my style or lesbian “label” thought I do love my T-shirts, Levis and cowgurl boots…I feel better because I have come to terms with my illness and been stable with it for over six years. Also becauseI am seen and heard for who I really am rather than who someone wants me to be or thinks they can mold me to be (like Lauren does in the book).

HF: In the book you reveal that you have both Tourette’s disease and Bipolar disease. What advice would you give to someone who is trying to be supportive to a partner with one of these afflictions?

SS: Don’t be a watcher and worrier. I’m adamant about that. I don’t want to be monitored because I am an adult and ultimately responsible for my actions being bipolar or have TS or not.  I would advise having support “team” who keeps an eye out. Have doctors with knowledge, peers and other people you know with either disorder so you are not isolated. My girlfriend has all the phone numbers and info for my doctors and family as well as about all my medications and dosages. I should have a psychiatric advance directive, which is what many people do. It’s to communicate treatment preferences in case of a psychiatric emergency. I don’t have on, though, because both my family of choice and family of origin know my wishes and would not battle each other about any treatment I might need involuntarily. They are all on the same page.

HF: Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?

SS: I like stream of consciousness writing. To put it bluntly, just vomit your words onto the page and worry about editing, reordering and everything else later.

HF: Now that you’ve told your life story, what projects are you working on now?

SS: I write for Curve Magazine and have all sorts of assignments there. And, I have a new book project that is not a sequel, which people keep asking about. It’s about a friend of mine who died two years ago. He was an ex-pat I met in Holland. He was my father’s age and had worked at Gove Press in its heyday. He was an esteemed illustrator who only drew for progressive publications, and he wrote and illustrated his own books as well as others’ work. I find him extremely fascinating and think others will, too. His longtime companion gave me all the contact info she could find on his computer and what info she had about friends of his from back in the day, for his family and other acquaintances and I’m just now beginning to contact them. He was from the Bronx so a lot are still here in New York City.

HF: Where can fans find you?

SS: My book site is http://www.beautifulwreck.com, my writing website is http://www.stephanieschroeder.com. I’m on Twitter at @StephS910 and @BeautifulWreck1 . My personal mental health activist blog is http://www.beautifulwreck1.wordpress.com and you can just plain find me on Facebook, my page is public.

Nothing Says ‘Pride’ Like the NYC Dyke March

25 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Coming Out, Sexy Ladies, Social Disease, Uncategorized

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

boobs, dyke, Dyke March, Fifth Avenue, Frisco, gay, Gay community, gay love, Gay Pride, gay rights, GLBT, gogo dancers, hot girls, hot lesbians, June, Lesbian Avengers, lesbian community, lesbian mom, lezzie, LGBT, New York City, NYC, Pride, Pride Month, San Francisco, sexy lesbian, village, Washington Square park

20120625-111445.jpg

Dyke March banners from years past, on display at NYC’s LGBT Center

I love Pride month. For me, the highlight of June is when half the lesbians in NYC march down Fifth Avenue. The NYC Dyke March isn’t nearly as well known as the Pride Parade. As most of you know, large cities each tend to have their own Pride parade in June. In New York, the Dyke March always happens the Saturday before the main June Pride event, the parade. I went to the march for the first time last year, before then I literally did not know it existed and I’ve lived here my whole life. I had to go back again this year. That was my last Pride activity as I spent NYC Pride traveling to San Francisco and subsequently missed Pride in both cities! Which totally blew, but it was an amazing way to end my June gaylebrations.

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All that was left of Frisco pride by the time I got into town, sad face.

Didn’t make it to NYC Pride either? Check out one of my fav blogs,  Lame Adventures for a full report.

But I want to talk about the Dyke March, it’s been going on for twenty years, probably right under your nose and like me, you didn’t know about it. Basically, it’s awesome. I have to admit, I kind of like it more than Pride because it’s shorter and more like an old school activist rally than a parade.

20120625-121529.jpg

These lesbians march!

It started in 1992, when lesbians started marching for visibility after the NYC public schools decided to cut out any mention of the lesbians in schools. So a bunch of lesbians started protesting and called themselves the Lesbian Avengers. Then, they started protesting for civil rights and to protest violence against the LGBT community after a gay man and a lesbian were burned alive in their home. The Lesbian Avengers staged protests where they literally ate fire to bring attention to the violence against us. Pretty heavy stuff, and if you want the entire story, check out their website. The work these women put into the movement twenty years ago is the reason so many of us can be out and proud today.

So to celebrate and promote our visibility we walk, sans a permit, from Bryant park to Washington Square park. Oh and did I mention some women choose to protest topless? Yes. Yes they do. While it is undeniably hot, it also sharply calls attention to the double standard of men being able to go topless while on women it’s considered indecent. In this manifestation, bare female chests look beautiful, natural and powerful.

And then the topless women jump into the big fountain in the park…and get all wet. Did your inner perv just say “schawing?” Mine did.

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Washington Square Park in the Village, completely swarmed with lesbians! What LGBT event would be complete without overly priced rainbow merch merch for sale?

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Queer girls playing in the fountain on a hot day

20120625-121629.jpg

A lone topless marcher braves the middle of the fountain. Lezzie momma’s brought their kids, decked out in their finest rainbow attire!

If you haven’t gone, go next year. It is a beautiful thing to see, and you will be more moved than you think and feel more accepted for who you are than you ever have.
…and then go out and party, of course! This year I went to Siren, at the South Street Seaport, which of course, featured a mermaid theme and even more boobs!

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My fav mermaid ever and the lucky grrl that got to dance with her!

Gay rights and boobs! June is the best month to be a queer girl in NYC.

New Year’s Resolutions Are So Gay

02 Monday Jan 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Am I a jerk?, Social Disease

≈ 32 Comments

Tags

2012, animals, babe, blog, blogging, clean, DeGeneres, gay, lesbian, LGBT, lose weight, new year's resolutions, New York City, novel, Portia de Rossi, Queer, Rachel Maddow, reality tv, Sex, vegetarian, work out, writer, writers, writing, yoga

If you're like Maxie, you slept through New Year's

The older I get, the more people I meet who hate New Year’s Resolutions. You’ve probably heard the most popular objections: “You’re not going to keep it anyway!” or “You could have decided to be a better person at any point in the year, but you DIDN’T!”

Well. Yeah. Those people have a point. But if you’re a goody-two-shoes Pollyanna like me, you’ve already made your New Year’s Resolutions list for 2012. Here’s mine!

1. Integrate working out into my social life

How specific is this right? I could have made it “lose more weight” but I didn’t. Do you all remember when I went on crazy working out times before Halloween? (Of course you do because I’m that important to you) My work outs are solitary, they consist of waking up before work, getting in as much cardio as I can stand with my earphones in and then getting my day started so I can go out to happy hour after work and drink all those calories back on.

Lez work out together!

So in 2012, instead of making exercise a pre-dawn chore, like milking cows, I want to dedicate more after work time to it. And maybe drag my friends along, so we can do something that doesn’t involve calories. Basically, I’m going to make everyone I know pay for me being out of shape. Who wants to hang out with me?!

2. Finish my novel. Yes! Hot Femme has been working on a novel forever. However, 2012 is the year it’s going to get done. Even if it means giving up trashy reality television…god I hope it doesn’t mean that.

3. Post on my blog more. I love making hot women laugh and this is the best way to reach as many of you as possible. If I didn’t laugh so hard at my own jokes, I would try stand-up comedy.

4. Be kinder to others. Just cuz I don’t want to get my butt kicked if I argue with the wrong person on the subway. Oh and like, peace on earth and stuff.

Save Babe! ...from me

5. Eat less animal fat. Why? I could say for health reasons, so no one judges me. But really it’s because, like most lesbians, I have warm and fuzzy feelings for animals and I hate how delicious they are. I want to save all the animals, not just the cute ones and I’m going to start by trying to break my own addiction to their delicious byproducts. If I succeed this year, maybe next year I can go full vegetarian. That’s called setting realistic goals.

6. Clean my apartment more often. New York apartments are tiny, they look fab when they are clean and like an episode of Hoarders when they aren’t. So yeah, this needs to happen more.

Some resolutions that didn’t make it on the list this year were:

  • Take Yoga everyday and become a Yogi.
  • Learn to age backwards, Benjamin Button style
  • Master the art of Tantric Sex.
  • Lose 100 pounds and dye hair blond to better resemble Portia de Rossi DeGeneres.
  • Convince Rachel Maddow to show me her boobs.
  • Discover the meaning of life and the reason for being.

Alright ladies, I’ve shown you mine, now show me yours!

I’m Addicted to Getting Lucky

14 Thursday Jul 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Am I a jerk?, Social Disease

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Bath & Body Works, britney spears, Brooklyn, Candies, Curses, Dominican Republic, Latina, luck, Lucky, Lucky Pennies, Manhattan, Mark Jacobs, New York City, NYC, Puerto Rico, Shrimp, Twilight, Victoria's Secret

heads up penny Pictures, Images and Photos

Fuck yea Abe Lincoln!

I believe in good luck charms, with all my heart. I swoop down on heads-up pennies in the grimy streets of New York City for my shot at a good day. Good luck pennies found in the morning, on my way to work are filled with the most unlocked potential.

Does that mean work is going to be extra special today? I ask the Cosmos.

Squeeee! Yea, duh! Cosmos replies back.

JIMBO MCDONALD Pictures, Images and Photos

Srsly Ronald McDonald House is awesome

A lucky penny means walking a little higher in my heels, breath bated as I negotiate through the throng of cubicle dwellers, migrant workers and homeless people on my way to the office.  I even take my lucky pennies into McDonalds and put them in the donation bin for the Ronald McDonald House, cuz dreams.

What are you, some kind of moron? You are probably thinking to yourself. What kind of grown ass woman needs a lucky penny in the morning to put her in a good mood?

A stupid one. BUT, in my defense, the rumor in my old ‘hood in Brooklyn is that I was cursed.  I grew up…cursed. La Maldita. La fucking Maldita.

anime sad girl Pictures, Images and Photos

Being cursed is tough.

So, in the interest of full disclosure, a good luck penny in the morning isn’t where my lucky charm addiction starts.  I need to start with my lucky body lotion, Twilight Woods from Bath & Body Works. No, Twilight Woods is not associated with the Twilight books/movies, it’s just an incredibly smart marketing ploy by the Bath & Body Works marketing team. (A tip of the vadge to you, B&BW marketing team!) Why is this lotion lucky? Fuck if I know! I got a feeling from it when I passed it in the store and it makes me smell nice. Therefore, any day that starts without it will probably end with my demise.

SO IT IS WRITTEN.

gravestone Pictures, Images and Photos

Anywho, after my lucky rip-off vampire themed body lotion, I need to either put on Victoria’s Secret Love Spell body spray or Daisy by Mark Jacobs. Why are these scents lucky? Fuck if I know! I woke up one morning and decided they were. Love Spell is everyday lucky, Daisy is for days I need an extra pick me up.

I round out my luck routine with a beaded blue and purple anklet that a man gave me during a Spring Break trip to the Dominican Republic. I’m Puerto Rican, for those of you who don’t know PRs and DRs fight like cats and dogs. For some reason, I believe Cosmos has endowed my anklet with luck.

AM New York Pictures, Images and Photos

Even style news can hurt.

But bitches, despite my lucky routine lately my luck has sucked.  First, I walked into the middle of a fight between the vendors that (live?) work outside my subway stop. The lady that hands out AM New York (cuz she is a lady) lunged at the coupon guy right as I walked in between them. Awkward. Plus ouch.

The next morning, whilst running to the subway, I came upon a plump older woman (60s? 70s?) wearing a bathing suit and selling herself to a slightly out-of-it middle aged man. Sad and vomit is my favorite flavor in the morning.

Another morning my dress strap popped (NO I AM NOT GETTING FAT SHUT UP!) on a morning when I was running late for work. The next day, my heel broke. Not just any heel, my Candies Heel. The ones Britney Spears wore in her first Candies ads. That heel. It was the end of an era. I ran out at lunch and got replacement heels, that felt great in the store. But then they made me bleed. Like, ‘my shoe is filling with blood’ bleed.

britney spears candies Pictures, Images and Photos

Stop looking at her abs-look at her feet-those are the shoes

So I switched to flip flops. The next morning, be-flipped and heading to the subway, I stepped into a huge pile of shrimp shells that were mixed with some kind of crap and discarded on the sidewalk.

shrimp sushi Pictures, Images and Photos

Even the cute ones can hurt me

I’m allergic to shrimp.

Long story short, I’m alive. Alive and scared. I haven’t lost faith in the power of inanimate objects to bestow protections upon me and my house, cuz stubborn optimism. I know my lucky charms are broken. I haven’t found a heads-up penny in at least a month. I need some new charms, otherwise I don’t know if I’m going to make it out of Manhattan alive.

Recent Posts

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  • Ask the Femme: How do you Handle Racist Family Members?
  • Interview with Musician Sierra West
  • Interview with Stephanie Schroeder, Author of “Beautiful Wreck”

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