What She Means When She Says “LOL”

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advice, Dating, email, Facebook, flirt, flirting, funny, gchat, jokes, lesbian, LOL, online dating, Queer, relationships, texting, that's what she said

Women are complicated. Sometimes you need a decoder to figure out what the words they are saying actually mean. And when you’re talking about a lez relationship, it’s twice as hard. Which is why I’m going to help you decode what your crush/potential girlfriend is saying when she types “lol.” Let’s face it, most of us aren’t laughing out loud when we type it, especially not to a lady we might be into.

1) When “lol” means “I’m flirting with you”

I said “hi” and she said “hi, lol” …wtf does that mean?

Between text messages, Gchat, dating site messages, email and Facebook messages chances are if you like a girl, you and her are going to be engaging in a ton of written communication. Some girls add “lol” to the end of a sentence to indicate that they are flirting with you. Think of it as the IRL (in real life) equivalent of her flipping her hair, putting her hand on your arm or smiling at you with that goofy crush face smile.

Example 1: 

You: Nice weather today, I might take my dog for a walk. 

Her: Dogs love walking in nice weather lol 

This “lol” means, please ask me to take a walk with you, because I think you’re cute. 

Example 2: 

You: Chocolate chip cookies are my favorite! 

Her: Mine too! lol

This “lol” means, we have so much in common, you should totally go out with me.

Basically, in the case of the flirty “lol” it means she’s really glad you are talking to her, not that you’re the next Kathy Griffin.

2) When “lol” means “Please compliment me…now”

This “lol” is sneaky and you have about 30 seconds to react in the way She needs you to react before she totally freaks out. Let’s look at some examples.

Example: 

I think this sports bra makes my boobs look really small, lol

Okay, when a woman refers to any part of her body negatively and then adds an “lol” you need to tell her that body part is awesome, ASAP. Like for example, the girl in the picture says her boobs look small. There are several ways to respond.

“They look great, babe” 

“I like that they are cute and perky” 

“You only need a mouthful”

3) When “lol” means, “comfort me”

“My boss just reamed me out lol”

See also: “I just failed my chemistry test lol”

Despite the “lol” chances are She’s more upset about things than she’s leading on. Take this as a cue to be sensitive and there for her. Get her flowers! Orrrr simply respond with, “That sucks babe, anything I can do?”

4) When “lol” means “I’m really annoyed with you but I don’t want to scare you away”

This is really common in new relationships. The most common phrases:

“Were you flirting with that girl? lol”

“Are you really not going to spend the whole night? lol” 

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking she’s just kidding. She’s on the verge of being angry. The best approach is to tackle this head on and apologize…for whatever it is.

5) When “lol” means “I think you’re adorbs”

This one will come after you say something funny, even if she doesn’t really think it’s funny.  Luckily for you, she thinks you’re cute.

Everytime you send me a “that’s what she said” text, I’ll send you an “lol” back, even though that joke is a million years old.

What do YOU mean when you say “lol?”

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Ask the Femme: Why are Women Using me for Sex?

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bar, bisexual, casual sex, club, dancing, Dating, gay, gym, hooking up, hot girls, lbq, lesbian, LGBT, LTR, online, online dating, Queer, relationships, Sex, where to meet women

Nice boobs...do you want to give me your number? This may or may not be a great start to the romantic relationship you want.

Do you feel like women are just using you for sex? Yes, mainstream America. Women enjoy sex and no matter what Sex and the City tells you, we are capable of no strings attached sex…even lesbians. Do all your dates turn into hook-ups or one night stands? Let’s turn that around.

Hi Natasia,

I was kind of an ugly duckling, I’ve been hot for about a year now and at first it was great. I didn’t realize how easy it would be for me to meet women. I’m a nester and it seems like all the girls I date just want to use me for sex, one night stands, two night stands, bootycalls whatever. I’ve been dating for like 10 months now and it keeps happening. I meet girls in bars and clubs, but also through mutual friends and at the gym.

I think maybe part of it might be because sometimes they are too much younger than I am, I’m late 20s and sometimes I end up with girls in their early 20s. I think it could be a cultural thing too. I’m Brazilian and sex and passion mean different things to me than they do to some American girls. I take it to heart. I don’t think these women see all the potential I see in them…or maybe I’m just being too nice. I’ve always been inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt. One girl told me that we wouldn’t just have sex…then of course we did, cuz I have no will power! How do I turn these girls into potential romantic partners instead of just sex partners?

– Too Sexy Nester

Hi Nester,

It sucks to feel like you are being used for sex! There is definitely a disconnect between the way you are approaching these women and the way they are approaching you. The gym and mutual friends are a great way to meet women, bars and clubs, not as great, but it’s important that you keep putting yourself out there. So keep meeting women at the gym and through mutual friends, but make sure they are closer to your age range. Although there aren’t as many years between you and girls in their early 20s, people change a lot during those years and early 20s are usually for partying. You can tell your friends who want to play matchmaker that you are looking for girlfriend material, that might keep them from introducing you to the town stud.

It’s not impossible to meeting a girl in bar/club and start a relationship with her, but it’s less likely. Meeting someone in a bar makes your appearance the most important thing to her (that’s why she brought you that drink right?) so take looks out of the equation and try some LGBT volunteer work. This way the women you meet know something important about your personality right off the bat and are drawn to your altruism instead of your pretty face. Also, try online dating. I know, I know, it seems awful, but it’s a great way to weed out the girls who are just looking for sex and find the ones that are looking to settle down.

If you are looking for a relationship online, don't make your profile pic something too provocative. It could attract women for the wrong reason. Make it something sweet that shows who you are. On a side note, I totally have this bikini.

Sigh and now…the Rule. I hate the Rule because it’s so archaic BUT if you are looking for a serious partner…you are going to have to make her work to get you in bed. I would recommend waiting a month from the first date before you get busy in the sheets. This serves two purposes: 1) It will get rid of the girls who aren’t serious about you and can’t see how amazing you are and that you are worth waiting for. 2) It will protect your heart and make you feel less bad when a girl calls it quits. If sex makes you feel prematurely attached to someone before you really know them, wait! If you feel used by these women, break the cycle now, before it gets worse.

Good luck Nester! I hope you find what you are looking for. Keep me updated!

Have a question only I can answer? Message me on Facebook!

Online Dating: You Can With This, But She Won’t Get With That

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advice, ask the femme, body image, Dating, femme, girls, Hot Girl, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, online dating, pretty, Queer, relationships, Sex, texting

Houston, we have a pussycat problem. A gay one.

After my last post I received a lot of interesting messages about online dating. In fact, some of you even sent me real life online dating messages from potential future ex-girlfriends. After reviewing some of the messages, I’ve concluded that we have a problem. A big problem. [Insert the obligatory lame Houston joke here]

When you message someone over a dating site you have to remember that this is their first impression of you. The girl you are messaging knows nothing about you, she has no idea how awesome you are. If your first message sucks, she probably won’t even look at your profile to see if you are a good match. I’ve included some real life examples below. Let’s take a look at where this went wrong and how we can fix it.

Example One (same person):

Sep 25, 2011 – 10:47pm
Hey! How are you? 🙂

Sep 25, 2011 – 10:49pm
Btw I’m a huge packers fan lol that’s what made me go omg I really have to message this girl lol my parents r from Wisconsin lol

Sep 25, 2011 – 11:16pm
Obviously I’m not pretty enough lol have a goodnight

This girl, let’s call her Mel, starts off okay but things go south pretty bad. First- initial contact should be more than just a “Hi.” The train of thought that was trying to get through in the second message should have gone into the first one. Minus all the lol’s. One “lol” is good, but if you have an “lol” every five words then that’s the equivalent of nervous laughter. Not too sexy right? Yeah I didn’t think so. The second problem is that Mel is way too sensitive and defensive. Look at the time stamps- she gives the girl she thinks is cute less than a half hour to respond before she accuses the other girl of thinking she’s not pretty enough.

U have 27 minutes to respond to me or I'll stab you...3,2,1

DRAMA alert. The “lol” does nothing to make Mel seem less butthurt over not being messaged back instantly. If you are butthurt that easily, you aren’t dating material. This is what Mel should have written:

Sep 25, 2011 – 10:47pm

Hey,

When I saw your profile I needed to message you! We have a lot in common- I’m a huge Packers fan and my parents are from Wisconsin. Maybe we could talk about football and cheese sometime.

Have a great night!

I LOVE TO LOL

This is how a grown-up says hello. Even if Mel NEEDS to insert an ‘lol’ into this message because it’s part of her personality and GOD HOW CAN YOU SEND A MESSAGE WITHOUT LAUGHTER? WHAT IS THE WORLD WITHOUT LAUGHTER- the message would still be effective. The key here is to get the other person to see that they could hold a conversation with you about things they care about. Fixed? Great. Now on, on, on to the next one:

Example Two (same person):

9/26/2011 8:07:04 PM
we need to go out… you are beautiful!! sorry so blunt, but shoot!

Sent Date: 9/26/2011 8:16:51 PM
hey you took my breath…can I have it back??? hahah so cheezy I know lol.. I have to be able to laugh at my self, I am just going to throw this out to you, I want to get to know you, maybe go for a drink or text for a bit.. (haha i suppose the TEXT should come first, then the drink) anyway let me know, i think you are real easy on my eyes, and I just started this fish finder… dont laugh at my dog and I, I think we might be starting to look alike… YIKES! Haha

Again, we have multiple messages without waiting for a reply. This girl, let’s call her Toni, did a few things right. She showed her personality. No, the person she is writing too might not like enjoy self-aware cheesy pick up lines, but the right girl will find it cute. Toni keeps it light in asking for a drink or a text and throws in some compliments. I would think Toni is a funny lady IF she used correct punctuation, capital letters and hadn’t sent the first message at all.

The first message is the equivalent to a catcall on the street. It doesn’t mean anything and girls that are used to being called beautiful by strangers aren’t going to respond. The second message is better, but again, let’s write like grown-ups when trying to get a date. Also, the last sentence is a little too self depreciating. It’s a little too early to let the girl you think is beautiful in on any self esteem issues.

Oh hai, do you think I'm a dog?

NEXT!

Example Three:

Hi I’m [name redacted] I’m new to all of this and I’m not sure how to start getting to know people so I would like to give u
my cell number so we can get to kno eachother. I would really like to get to know you. Plz feel free to contact me
at [cell phone digits redacted]

This girl is either in high school or a prostitute. Or both! Don’t send a message that looks like this and never include your number in a first message.

Example Four (same person):

9/10/2011 8:26:19 PM
Hey, how’s your evening

Sent Date: 9/16/2011 4:12:28 PM
Hey, how’s your day going?

Sent Date: 9/16/2011 6:17:56 PM
Do I just suck

I'm so shy. But if you say something sweet I'll be brave enough to leave my cup

I admit it, I have a soft spot in my heart for this person. Let’s call her Jac. Jac’s opening email wasn’t strong. Like I mentioned in Mel’s case, you need to tell the other person why she should talk to you. After double checking with the recipient of Jac’s message, Tami, she said she didn’t respond because she didn’t know what to tell a perfect stranger about her evening. If Jac really wanted Tami to talk to her (and the multiple messages indicate that she does) she needs to give her something to talk about. Online dating is hard and replying to someone who sent you a message can be just as daunting as actually reaching out to someone. So assume the object of your interest is shy and help her out.

Now the “Do I suck” message cracks me up and someone like me would probably respond to that. BUT again, Tami wouldn’t. If Jac really wanted to know why Tami wasn’t interested, she could have asked in a more serious way. Something along the lines of “I thought we could be a good match- is there any reason why you haven’t responded to me?”

Feedback from Tami could have helped Jac in the future. In this case, Tami didn’t like the message. But maybe Jac’s profile picture looks too blurry or old and needs to be updated. Or maybe Jac didn’t have enough interests and activities listed on her profile and didn’t give a sense of who she really is.

So there you have it ladies! Now get out there and message someone. Message her reeeaaaalll good!

Usually this is where I ask if you guys have questions for me. BUT I’m going to turn the tables. Do you all get these kinds of messages? Is it really that bad out there? Tell me about it in the comments, studmuffins.

Ask the Femme: Online Dating is too Hard! Oh and Real Life Dating is too Hard Also

Tags

advice, ask the femme, Dating, ex, femme, friend zone, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, marriage, online dating, Queer, relationships, romance, runaway bride, soul mate, the one

If you go into every date expecting this to happen-it's not gonna work

Dating: 99% of us will have to do it at one time or another in our lives. And you know what? It’s not great. It’s stressful especially since the stakes are so high. Think about it: you are looking for your soulmate. That’s a pretty tall order and the pressure is bound to get to anyone eventually.

I always tell people to relax and enjoy dating, because one day you will get married and spend the rest of your life with someone. I got some great questions from you guys this weekend about dating. So let’s get down and dirty with it!

Dear Femme,

I’m trying online dating for the first time and I’m so overwhelmed. I get tons of messages that I don’t have time to reply to and it seems like every time I go online I get instant messaged. I have been on one date and it was a total bust. There is another girl from the site I am talking to, but I don’t think she’s my type. I think I am just going to give up. I have a full time career, a large circle of friends and family and volunteer in my free time. I just don’t think I have time to devote to this anymore. What do you think?

Pick me, choose me, love me

Online Bust

Hi OB,
Thanks for writing! First of all, don’t be overwhelmed. This process is supposed to be fun and exciting, not stressful! Take a deep breath and remember why you joined an online dating service in the first place, to meet someone who has the same interests as you. So carve out a chunk of time, turn off your cell phone, turn off the tv, hide your online status and go through your messages. Delete the ones that you think you won’t have any chemistry with, either for physical reasons or grammatical ones. Write back to the ones you like. Not to the ones your friends pick out for you, or the ones that look the most likely to piss off your ex the ones that you feel drawn to at first glance. Trust your gut, don’t second guess.

It's hard but you can do it, I believe in you!

The next step is to browse. Don’t let other women choose you, find women you would choose for yourself. Send them each a personalized message based on the interests you share. Don’t just copy and paste the same message over and over. By doing this you will take control of the situation and you will feel more proactive and less overwhelmed.

The last step, don’t talk to either the girl you met in person or the girl you are talking to. Don’t waste your time or theirs.  Good luck and let me know if you meet anyone!

Dear Femme,

I’ve been single for two years. It seems like every time I start dating someone, things go smoothly for one or two months and then she just disappears! I don’t get it. I don’t have sex with anyone until I think they are really interested (definitely not on the first date!) and everything always seems to be fine until the other person stops returning my calls. I’m not a needy person, I don’t call or text my dates every five minutes but I pay enough attention for them to know I am interested. What am I doing wrong? Thanks for your help!

Two Month Chump

Imagine this movie title is "Runaway Lesbian Date" There. Now it's perfect.

Hi TMC,

Thanks for writing! I’m sorry to hear about your predicament, it’s a pretty tricky situation. I don’t know much about you, but I’m going to try to give you the best advice possible.  There are several different possibilities.

1)      It’s not you, it’s them: What type of women are you choosing to date? What is the common thread? Do you tend to choose women who have just gotten out of long-term relationships? Do you gravitate towards women who aren’t looking for a long term partner?  Try to find out on the first or second date if your date is emotionally available or just looking for a good time. Usually you can just trust your instincts on this one. If she starts crying into her ice cream about her ex-girlfriend, she’s probably not ready to date anyone seriously. That’s your cue to cut her out or put her into the friend zone. This is the best way to ensure you don’t get your feelings hurt down the road.

You: "Nice Weather" Her: "MY EX LOVES WEATHER WAAAA" That's your cue to run away, Simba. Run away and never return.

2)      It’s not them, it’s you: What signals do you send to your dates? Are you sending them “friend zone” signals? Do come across as not wanting to be in a long-term relationship? Listen to yourself when you talk, do you talk about your ex too much? Do you talk about traveling the world with no ties or commitments to anyone or anything? These are red flags to girls who are looking to settle down with someone. If a month has passed and the girl is still around, talk about a future that applies to both of you.

Good luck, TMC and let me know if it works!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com or message me on FB http://www.facebook.com/natasiarose