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Tag Archives: texting

Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

05 Tuesday Jun 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Dating, Relationships, Sexy Ladies

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

boi, cute girl, Dating, femme, friend zone, gay, He's Not That Into You, Hot Girl, lesbian, LGBT, Playa, Queer, rejection, relationship advice, relationships, Sex and the City, texting, The L word

This isn’t about getting the girl, it’s about getting the right girl.

“He’s Just Not That Into You” was a huge cultural sensation for straight women when it first debuted on Sex and the City. Since there, there has been a book and a movie to demonstrate all the rules that straight women should follow to ascertain if a guy is into her or not. I’m not going to lie, there are parts of this that drives me crazy, like advising straight women not to make the first move on a guy she likes and instead be hunted, Bambi style. BUT I can also see the benefits of moving on and not wasting your time on someone who doesn’t recognize how great you are. After my post last week, where I suggested that a woman who was recently single used the expression “not ready to date” as a way to blow an interested lady off, I decided maybe it’s time to talk about how to recognize when a girl likes you likes you, as opposed to just liking you. This is going to be a kinder, gentler version of the “Not That Into You” playbook.

She’s Not That Into You If She Doesn’t Contact You Back.

Because this is advice aimed for queer women, I’m going to skip “if she never contacts you first.” There’s always confusion about who should contact whom in the gay world , so never be shy about making the first move. If she likes you or is on the fence, making the first move always scores major points. Even if she’s a boi and you’re femme. (Watch this Vlog for more insight on that, boi’s love a femme who can take initiative)

OK, so let’s assume you’ve met the girl and contacted her either by text, email, phone call, Facebook message, etc. Annnnnd no response. Alright, maybe she didn’t see your communication or she was particularly busy and it got buried under an avalanche of emails. If you really liked her, contact her one more time. If you don’t hear from her within 24 hours, consider it a lost cause, move on and don’t contact her first again.

Lesbians Pictures, Images and Photos

So cute together! Too bad She’s not over her ex and won’t ever bother texting this girl back.

Yes, there’s a million reasons you didn’t hear from her. But there’s so many ways to get in touch now, that there’s really no excuse for her to ignore you after you messaged her twice. Except of course…that she’s not that into you.

She’s Not That Into You If She Never Asks You Questions. 

Me? I’m washing my cat tonight…and every night for the next year. I’m really too busy to date.

When a girl does this, it means she either doesn’t care about getting to know you or that she doesn’t want to encourage communication. Let’s look at some examples:

You: Hey, I hear that the weather in your town is great today!

Her: Yeah it is.

If she liked you, she would have found a reason to keep the conversation going, or even use it as a way to get you to hang out with her. Let’s try this conversation again and see the difference.

You: Hey, I hear that the weather in your town is great today!

Her: Yeah it is, I’m going to go to the beach later. Are you a beach person? Want to come with?

Getting the picture? Let’s try one more.

You: Tanya told me that you wrote your thesis on the suffrage movement as seen through the eye of Lord Byron’s poetic works. That’s so awesome, I love Byron too.

Her: Yeah, it was okay.

You: I’d love to read it.

Her: Sure.

If she was into you, and you were discussing her passion with her, she would take the opportunity to either gush about it, or ask a question about you. In this case, she could have asked what your favorite Byron poem is. (Which is why God invented Google)

Anywho, the point is, you want a crush that ways to know about you as much as you want to know about her.

She’s Not That Into You If She Friend Zone’s You. 

Lesbi-friends…or make out.

There’s a lot of different signs that you’ve been put into the Friend Zone by a crush. Let’s start this section off with a confession, in my post last week, I said in response to a commenter, that “if she tries to set you up with someone else, she’s not that into you.” But I’ve totally done this. In college, I was in a long distance relationship  with Shane when I met Bette (names have been changed). I thought Bette was amazing! So much fun, cuddly, smart, artistic and I could tell she was feeling me too. But Bette also liked my friend Tina. So I set Tina and Bette up, they liked each other but were too shy to get anything off the ground. When Shane and I broke up, I started dating Bette, almost immediately. Right.
So let’s say, “if she’s single and she tries to set you up with someone else, she’s not that into you.”

Some other examples of Friend Zoning include:

Telling you about her crushes/hot women…constantly. Everyone does it once in awhile, but if you’re all like “Let’s get ice cream” and she’s like “OMG there’s this girl in my yoga class, sooo hot, she loves ice cream.”

Do you see what she did there? She didn’t say “I’d love to see you” or “What flavor are you getting?” So she’s your friend and she likes you, but you’re pretty far from her thoughts romantically.

If she flirts, but never delivers

Some women are natural flirts. If she confuses you by saying things like “we would be perfect for each other!” but always flakes out when you try to set up a date, or flat out ignores any serious attempts at dating, she doesn’t actually think you are perfect for her. Or if you do get her on a date and then after that she only wants to see you in a group of friends, it means she doesn’t want to continue dating you, but does care about you as a friend.

I probably get the most “Ask the Femme” questions revolving around women who give “mixed signals” because they are flirty and flakey. In some cases, these women are leading you on on purpose. Some people keep admirers around to boost their ego. The only way to get the attention of someone like this is to ignore her. Once you do, you might realize that you weren’t that into her.

If Someone Isn’t Into You, Don’t View it as Rejection

Tasha and Alice Pictures, Images and Photos

Find the girl that’s into you and don’t settle for less.

If a woman isn’t into you, don’t take it as rejection. It’s not. It just means that you aren’t the right choice for her right now. Maybe she has to grow, maybe you do, or maybe you two just aren’t meant to be. But you can’t wait around for someone who may or may not “come around.” Honestly, life is too short. Find a girl who gets butterflies every time you text her, who blushes when you flirt with her and who is as crazy about you as you are about her.

What She Means When She Says “LOL”

20 Sunday May 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Ask the Femme, Dating, Relationships, Sexy Ladies, Social Disease

≈ 23 Comments

Tags

advice, Dating, email, Facebook, flirt, flirting, funny, gchat, jokes, lesbian, LOL, online dating, Queer, relationships, texting, that's what she said

Women are complicated. Sometimes you need a decoder to figure out what the words they are saying actually mean. And when you’re talking about a lez relationship, it’s twice as hard. Which is why I’m going to help you decode what your crush/potential girlfriend is saying when she types “lol.” Let’s face it, most of us aren’t laughing out loud when we type it, especially not to a lady we might be into.

1) When “lol” means “I’m flirting with you”

missing you Pictures, Images and Photos

I said “hi” and she said “hi, lol” …wtf does that mean?

Between text messages, Gchat, dating site messages, email and Facebook messages chances are if you like a girl, you and her are going to be engaging in a ton of written communication. Some girls add “lol” to the end of a sentence to indicate that they are flirting with you. Think of it as the IRL (in real life) equivalent of her flipping her hair, putting her hand on your arm or smiling at you with that goofy crush face smile.

Example 1: 

You: Nice weather today, I might take my dog for a walk. 

Her: Dogs love walking in nice weather lol 

This “lol” means, please ask me to take a walk with you, because I think you’re cute. 

Example 2: 

You: Chocolate chip cookies are my favorite! 

Her: Mine too! lol

This “lol” means, we have so much in common, you should totally go out with me.

Basically, in the case of the flirty “lol” it means she’s really glad you are talking to her, not that you’re the next Kathy Griffin.

2) When “lol” means “Please compliment me…now”

This “lol” is sneaky and you have about 30 seconds to react in the way She needs you to react before she totally freaks out. Let’s look at some examples.

Example: 

I think this sports bra makes my boobs look really small, lol

Okay, when a woman refers to any part of her body negatively and then adds an “lol” you need to tell her that body part is awesome, ASAP. Like for example, the girl in the picture says her boobs look small. There are several ways to respond.

“They look great, babe” 

“I like that they are cute and perky” 

“You only need a mouthful”

3) When “lol” means, “comfort me”

“My boss just reamed me out lol”

See also: “I just failed my chemistry test lol”

Despite the “lol” chances are She’s more upset about things than she’s leading on. Take this as a cue to be sensitive and there for her. Get her flowers! Orrrr simply respond with, “That sucks babe, anything I can do?”

4) When “lol” means “I’m really annoyed with you but I don’t want to scare you away”

This is really common in new relationships. The most common phrases:

“Were you flirting with that girl? lol”

“Are you really not going to spend the whole night? lol” 

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking she’s just kidding. She’s on the verge of being angry. The best approach is to tackle this head on and apologize…for whatever it is.

5) When “lol” means “I think you’re adorbs”

This one will come after you say something funny, even if she doesn’t really think it’s funny.  Luckily for you, she thinks you’re cute.

Everytime you send me a “that’s what she said” text, I’ll send you an “lol” back, even though that joke is a million years old.

What do YOU mean when you say “lol?”

Online Dating: You Can With This, But She Won’t Get With That

29 Thursday Sep 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Ask the Femme, Dating, Relationships, Sexy Ladies, Social Disease

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

advice, ask the femme, body image, Dating, femme, girls, Hot Girl, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, online dating, pretty, Queer, relationships, Sex, texting

Houston, we have a pussycat problem. A gay one.

After my last post I received a lot of interesting messages about online dating. In fact, some of you even sent me real life online dating messages from potential future ex-girlfriends. After reviewing some of the messages, I’ve concluded that we have a problem. A big problem. [Insert the obligatory lame Houston joke here]

When you message someone over a dating site you have to remember that this is their first impression of you. The girl you are messaging knows nothing about you, she has no idea how awesome you are. If your first message sucks, she probably won’t even look at your profile to see if you are a good match. I’ve included some real life examples below. Let’s take a look at where this went wrong and how we can fix it.

Example One (same person):

Sep 25, 2011 – 10:47pm
Hey! How are you? 🙂

Sep 25, 2011 – 10:49pm
Btw I’m a huge packers fan lol that’s what made me go omg I really have to message this girl lol my parents r from Wisconsin lol

Sep 25, 2011 – 11:16pm
Obviously I’m not pretty enough lol have a goodnight

This girl, let’s call her Mel, starts off okay but things go south pretty bad. First- initial contact should be more than just a “Hi.” The train of thought that was trying to get through in the second message should have gone into the first one. Minus all the lol’s. One “lol” is good, but if you have an “lol” every five words then that’s the equivalent of nervous laughter. Not too sexy right? Yeah I didn’t think so. The second problem is that Mel is way too sensitive and defensive. Look at the time stamps- she gives the girl she thinks is cute less than a half hour to respond before she accuses the other girl of thinking she’s not pretty enough.

crazy

U have 27 minutes to respond to me or I'll stab you...3,2,1

DRAMA alert. The “lol” does nothing to make Mel seem less butthurt over not being messaged back instantly. If you are butthurt that easily, you aren’t dating material. This is what Mel should have written:

Sep 25, 2011 – 10:47pm

Hey,

When I saw your profile I needed to message you! We have a lot in common- I’m a huge Packers fan and my parents are from Wisconsin. Maybe we could talk about football and cheese sometime.

Have a great night!

I LOVE TO LOL

This is how a grown-up says hello. Even if Mel NEEDS to insert an ‘lol’ into this message because it’s part of her personality and GOD HOW CAN YOU SEND A MESSAGE WITHOUT LAUGHTER? WHAT IS THE WORLD WITHOUT LAUGHTER- the message would still be effective. The key here is to get the other person to see that they could hold a conversation with you about things they care about. Fixed? Great. Now on, on, on to the next one:

Example Two (same person):

9/26/2011 8:07:04 PM
we need to go out… you are beautiful!! sorry so blunt, but shoot!

Sent Date: 9/26/2011 8:16:51 PM
hey you took my breath…can I have it back??? hahah so cheezy I know lol.. I have to be able to laugh at my self, I am just going to throw this out to you, I want to get to know you, maybe go for a drink or text for a bit.. (haha i suppose the TEXT should come first, then the drink) anyway let me know, i think you are real easy on my eyes, and I just started this fish finder… dont laugh at my dog and I, I think we might be starting to look alike… YIKES! Haha

Again, we have multiple messages without waiting for a reply. This girl, let’s call her Toni, did a few things right. She showed her personality. No, the person she is writing too might not like enjoy self-aware cheesy pick up lines, but the right girl will find it cute. Toni keeps it light in asking for a drink or a text and throws in some compliments. I would think Toni is a funny lady IF she used correct punctuation, capital letters and hadn’t sent the first message at all.

The first message is the equivalent to a catcall on the street. It doesn’t mean anything and girls that are used to being called beautiful by strangers aren’t going to respond. The second message is better, but again, let’s write like grown-ups when trying to get a date. Also, the last sentence is a little too self depreciating. It’s a little too early to let the girl you think is beautiful in on any self esteem issues.

bulldog Pictures, Images and Photos

Oh hai, do you think I'm a dog?

NEXT!

Example Three:

Hi I’m [name redacted] I’m new to all of this and I’m not sure how to start getting to know people so I would like to give u
my cell number so we can get to kno eachother. I would really like to get to know you. Plz feel free to contact me
at [cell phone digits redacted]

This girl is either in high school or a prostitute. Or both! Don’t send a message that looks like this and never include your number in a first message.


Example Four (same person):

9/10/2011 8:26:19 PM
Hey, how’s your evening

Sent Date: 9/16/2011 4:12:28 PM
Hey, how’s your day going?

Sent Date: 9/16/2011 6:17:56 PM
Do I just suck

I'm so shy. But if you say something sweet I'll be brave enough to leave my cup

I admit it, I have a soft spot in my heart for this person. Let’s call her Jac. Jac’s opening email wasn’t strong. Like I mentioned in Mel’s case, you need to tell the other person why she should talk to you. After double checking with the recipient of Jac’s message, Tami, she said she didn’t respond because she didn’t know what to tell a perfect stranger about her evening. If Jac really wanted Tami to talk to her (and the multiple messages indicate that she does) she needs to give her something to talk about. Online dating is hard and replying to someone who sent you a message can be just as daunting as actually reaching out to someone. So assume the object of your interest is shy and help her out.

Now the “Do I suck” message cracks me up and someone like me would probably respond to that. BUT again, Tami wouldn’t. If Jac really wanted to know why Tami wasn’t interested, she could have asked in a more serious way. Something along the lines of “I thought we could be a good match- is there any reason why you haven’t responded to me?”

Feedback from Tami could have helped Jac in the future. In this case, Tami didn’t like the message. But maybe Jac’s profile picture looks too blurry or old and needs to be updated. Or maybe Jac didn’t have enough interests and activities listed on her profile and didn’t give a sense of who she really is.

So there you have it ladies! Now get out there and message someone. Message her reeeaaaalll good!

Usually this is where I ask if you guys have questions for me. BUT I’m going to turn the tables. Do you all get these kinds of messages? Is it really that bad out there? Tell me about it in the comments, studmuffins.

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