Stuff Fashion Designers Want You to Wear: Vagina Flap Skirt Edition

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asymmetrical hemline, Fashion, Game of Thrones, gay, Gone with the Wind, King's Landing, lesbian, Queer, Scarlett O'Hara, silly putty, skirt, Urban Outfitters, women, women's clothes

I don’t understand fashion. I understand clothes that look sexy, or cute, or comfortable or flirty or badass. But I can’t quite grasp why it is fashion designers try to outdo themselves to see who can get women to wear the craziest article of clothing they can manufacture. Today, I was walking by Urban Outfitters and saw THIS:

BEHOLD THE VAGINA FLAP SKIRT

Let me just say, I don’t have a problem with Urban Outfitters, but I think Urban Outfitters might have a problem with me. Let’s break this down, they think women want to buy a high waisted skirt, with elastic, that’s made of jersey the same color of silly putty after you’ve stuck it on a newspaper too many times. That wouldn’t be so bad, if it didn’t feature a cut out flap right over the part that the skirt is designed to cover. It reminds me of a fresh modern take on the curtain dress that Scarlett O’Hara made out of curtains. Only in modern times Scarlett was aiming for easy access.

The mannequin features the skirt knotted demurely at the knee, positioned in the right way to hit you in the knees as you walk, but really why stop there. Why not knot it as high up as you can and really get some air circulating up there. Or, throw it over your shoulder for that Game of Thrones “prostitute from King’s Landing” look.

I like the asymmetrical hemline look, but I cannot get down with this. Can you?

Misdirected Feminism at the Smoothie Shop

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all the things, chain store, discrimination, feminism, feminist, ftm, lesbian, meme, men, misogyny, mtf, Queer, smoothie, trans, women

Women make 77 cents to every dollar a man makes?! F U!

I’m an unabashed feminist. I will walk up to the most woman-hating, misogynist in the world and look in his eye and tell him to eff off because I’m a feminist. The only problem is um…maybe sometimes I’m way to excited to tell that guy to eff off. Most women, even among the most progressive, have stopped using the term “feminist” because it brings to mind, unfairly, someone unattractive who hates men. Using that term almost gives people a free pass to write you off. But I’m not scared to be that person. As I said before, I’m too eager to be that person. So, to make a stupid story short let’s get into it. I walk into my favorite smoothie shop.

This is what I look like on my way to get my smoothie. It's a pretty exciting part of my day.

When I get there, I get in line and notice that there are a few new additions to the menu. My eye stops on the new “MEGA MUSCLE XXL BULK-UP TIMES*” smoothie that screams “JUST FOR MEN!” in the description. All of a sudden, I’m so angry I’m blind. My internal monologue starts sputtering righteous indignation:

WHY DON’T THEY HAVE ONE FOR WOMEN?!

WOULD THEY EVEN LET ME ORDER A SMOOTHIE FOR A MAN?! I SHOULD JUST WALK UP AND DEMAND IT! I DON’T CARE IF THEY SAY I CAN’T DRINK IT BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN. WHAT IF I WAS TRANS IN ANY WAY?! FTM OR MTF, I DON’T CARE WOULD THEY LET ME ORDER IT THEN? THAT’S WHAT I’LL TELL THEM IF THEY DARE QUESTION ME!

With a plan in mind, I calm down enough to regain my sight. I glance back at the menu and see that they offer one smoothie just for men and two just for women.

Oops.

Sorry Everyone! No misogyny here! Keep movin!

 

*Names of smoothies have been changes to protect the innocent, non-discriminatory chain store.