Tags
bi, casual, dancing, Dating, drinking, hooking up, in the club, lesbian, NYC, pick up lines, Queer, rejection, relationships
A good pick up line leads to happy kitties
Talking to girls is hard. Being a girl who wants to talk to girls is even harder. Last night, I hit up a lez bar with some of my homo girls. There was drinking, dancing, connections were made and numbers were exchanged. There were also incredibly true, incredibly awful pick up lines that made me cringe. Ladies…we need to fix this. A cheesy opening line can be endearing but there are some blunders that you can’t recover from. Let’s look at some of the blunders from last night and see how we can prevent future trainwrecks.
1) Are you gay?
I get really tired of people asking me if I am gay or not and if you open with this, I don’t want to talk to you. Society is so full of stereotypes about lesbians that I don’t want to deal with it when I’m around other queers. I’m at the gay bar, assume I’m gay. If the girl you are talking to at your local lez watering hole tells you she’s straight and is offended you hit on her, she’s the douche not you. She is also probably not as straight as she thinks. Just sayin!
Feel like this on the inside, not the outside
In the interest of full disclosure, I’m guilty of asking a girl if she was gay too. Picture this: A young baby dyke in Brooklyn heads to Catty Shack for the first time. She sees someone in a bar she thinks is attractive for the first time EVER! The girl looks just like Dana in The L Word! ZOMG. Baby dyke opens with HEY YOU DON’T LOOK GAY AT ALL! Faux Dana responds “NEITHER DO YOU!” and later goes home with the smooth stud that bought her a beer. Long story short: Don’t ask if she’s gay, just buy her a drink.
2) Hey, are you trying to stick something up my ass? I mean…you’re really attractive
Yes, this happened. Never bring up anal sex while hitting on a girl. I hold this truth to be self evident.
3) Girl, you got a booty!
Slow down! You haven’t seen it yet and with that kind of line you will never get too. It’s great to compliment a lady, but pick something that will make her feel special as opposed to making her feel like a piece of meat. “Nice smile,” “Nice eyes” or “You have gorgeous hair” will get you a lot further.
Don't be the third wheel. Just don't do it.
4) Hey, you want to play pool?
Normally this would be a great pick up line! The problem? Don’t say it to two women who are making out with each other. They probably aren’t interested. It’s hard to tell which lesbians are in a couple and which are just out with their friends. But it’s not impossible and if you make a mistake, no biggie. But avoid women who are obvs together. Like, if they are making out, holding hands or (ugh) looking into each other’s eyes and grinning like fools, leave them alone.
5) Hi you can call me ThePanda, I only give out my name for business reasons.
Girl, that’s not cool. You aren’t Ja Rule and giving out your government name to women to make them feel special isn’t going to work for you. Prove that you are a grown up and give out your real name.
Do you have any pick up line horror stories? Are you guilty (eek, like me) of using a bad one? Share in the comments!
Hot Femme in the City 
Yeah it’s crazy that girls have to ask if another girl is gay at the GAY BAR! it’s silly, i totally agree, if a straight girl is there and she’s offended she’s being hit on, she’s the douche!
Sorry my comp is dumb so I can only comment if I reply to something.
Anyways, this post was super funny. I went to bars and random girls would ask me if I was gay. Lol, I’d laugh and say hi, my name is ‘blah blah” and I’m bisexual.
Exactly! I assume everyone in a gay bar is gay. When I’m in a straight bar people assume I’m straight. And I get it. But truth be told; there’s a lot more straight bars than gay bars – and ESPECIALLY more than girl bars, so if you are a straight girl who happens to be in a gay bar, assume everyone thinks you’re gay. It’s only fair.
I have been guilty of #1 but that’s only because a lot of straight girls go to the gay bars I frequent. Plus, the gay ones I’ve asked this to actually work harder to prove to me they’re gay, ifyagetmymeanin.
I’d like to add “I’m in control” or some variation thereof is also a turn-off. I had a girl try to make me her bitch within the first 8 counts of the song. If I want to be “put in my place,” I’ll have an intelligent conversation w/ someone smarter than me or date a guy, thank you.
Oh! Also, don’t try to swallow the first girl that gets within 5 feet of you… o.O
I have the same problem! Just because I’m very feminine, some girls assume I’m straight and will ask me to my face. wtf? I’m at a gay bar with my gay friends.
Rude.
These are just awesome – what a great post! If there was a lesbian manual, this would be in a “Dating 101,” chapter, which apparently many chicks need.
I really related to this bc I’m one of those women who have to “out” themselves continually which is really annoying. On a side note, I think the worst pickup line I’ve used, is that when I had a few drinks, I thought that telling someone about a magazine ad I was in, was a “sure thing” – um…it’s not, you just look like an ass…especially when she’s with someone.
this made me laugh as my friend says all the same things, and i loved “youre not ja rule”. hahaha. great post
I never have women try lines on me at bars–now I feel like a loser:-( Usually it’s men coming up with: “I know this is a lesbian club, but…”
Aww. No don’t feel that way! Women are usually much shier than men. One of the hottest women I’ve ever met told me that at 43, no woman had EVER asked her out on a date. It blew my mind!
That Ja-Rule thing was hilarious. I met a grown ass woman and she kept on going by her screen name. I met her online, but I assumed once we took the convo to the phone, she would tell me her name. Nope. She said after our second date. What? Shut up, you are not a star.
LOL. Ridiculous fake names should be filed under “Things that are more common than you think”
This post is hilarious!
By the way, I’ve never been asked out on a date… and if I was I’d probably assume she was kidding. I’ve always been the one to initiate… I think it would be hot if a girl approached me instead! Ladies, you don’t always have to wait for your butch to hit on you!
Omg! Yes, ladies if u like a butch girl tell her…now.