Bad Lesbian Halloween Costumes

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bad halloween costumes, bisexual, breakup, catholic schoolgirl, costumes, Dating, drinking, femme, friends, Halloween, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Lilo, Lindsay Lohan, prisoner, Queer, relationships, Samantha Ronson, SamRo, Sex, sexy, Yoga Instructor

Remember how cute they were together?Not anymore. Totes dunzo.

I know, I know. There’s a lot of Halloween going on “up in this bitch” as the kids say. BUT, I can’t get enough Halloween. I have to say, Halloween is a great time to impress your crush with how hot/creative you are. I know some of you who thought my costume ideas were really inside the box (pun intended) have a few awesome, creative ideas for Halloween costumes. I’m sure they are going to be wunderbar but we need to talk about costumes that you should avoid wearing this Halloween.

Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson

Ok, the urge to dress like these two can be strong. Especially is you are coupled up. However, it’s better to avoid dressing as these two. First of all, they haven’t been happy together since like 2006, so it’s all a little dated. These days SamRo is quietly dating a yoga instructor and steering clear of Lindsay whenever possible. Lilo went all stalkerazzi on Sam and bought an apartment in the same complex as her and it was all embarrassing and weird. Which is kind of a downer. Meanwhile, Lindsay’s problems are getting worse and worse AND the media is treating her like public enemy number one for really no reason. Does anyone even remember what she did? Yes, she’s a trainwreck, but she also never hurt anyone and there are plenty of celebrities who have, who are jail free. (I’m looking at you Charlie “McDomestic Violence” Sheen) So let’s leave Lindsay alone. NEXT!

Prisoner

Sometimes, the difference between sexy and trashy is obvious. Exhibit A.

Chances are, if you a blond/redhead and dress up as a prisoner everyone is going to think you are Lindsay Lohan anyway. And we’ve already discussed the reasons that isn’t good. You also have two choices for this costume, either bright orange or black and white horizontal stripes. As everyone knows, horizontal stripes are hard to pull off. But let’s say you are hot enough to pull it off- horizontal stripes in black and white might make the drunk girl you are drunkenly chatting up dizzy enough for the night to end with you holding her hair back. That’s not sexy. And bright orange? That color looks good on maybe 10% of the population. Soooo just say no to crime or drugs or whatever.
Catholic Schoolgirl

I’m not going to front like this costume isn’t sexy. It’s crazy sexy! But, it’s not really for Halloween. It’s just been done to death. It’s

I know what you're thinking. "Ooo it lights up so maybe this one is different!" No, no it's not. There will still be hordes of Catholic Schoolgirls who look just like you.

dead and gone, dead and gone. Like the love between SamRo and Lilo. That’s sad. Save this costume for when you and your lady are looking to spice things up in the bedroom.

Tampon/MaxiPad/Skidmark

Believe it or not, these costumes happen. Frequently. I’m not even going to include a picture, but if you are really curious Google it. For those of you who wear these costumes, listen up! You aren’t funny, you just make everyone want to barf all the Halloween candy they scarfed. You lose. No girls for you.

If you were planning on wearing any of these costumes, return it and try again!

Sexy Lesbian Halloween Costumes For 2011

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batman, boi, Catwoman, cheerleader, costumes, femme, football, grrl, Halloween, halloween costumes, harley quinn, Kendra, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, playboy, poison ivy, Queer, Sex, stud, superheroes

Halloween! It’s one of those holidays you either love, hate or love to hate or hate to love! It’s my favorite drunken holiday, so I think I’m in the hate to love category

This is how a femme can be a football player! (via http://www.3wishes.com)

. This year, I’m being a pirate. My past costumes include Xena, Princess Leia (gold bikini style), Scarlett O’Hara, Britney Spears (Puerto Rican style), a gypsy and a sailor.

Umm…sometimes I go wear more than one costume on Halloween. Anywho, I’ve got some great ideas as to what YOU should wear if you are here and queer this Halloween season. How did I pick these costumes? They’re the ones that I’d like to see you wearing.

Athlete

Some of us need to buy costumes for this and some of us can just wear what we wear out on the field. Softball player is one of my favorite costumes. It’s a good look and it works for femmes, studs and everything in between!

Not into softball? You can substitute any sport. I’ve seen a few really cute football costumes for femmes (see picture). I ALMOST went with this costume this year, but in the end I decided that requires too much ab work. If you are going as a couple- try football player and cheerleader or basketball player and stepper. This can also work for groups and you can even have someone dress up as the referee! Playboy does a really cute referee costume, modeled by reality star ( and rumored bisexual) Kendra.

Want her to call the shots? (via http://www.partycity.com)

Police Woman/Fire Fighter/Military Servicewoman

Who doesn’t love a woman in uniform! Police woman is always hot because of the handcuffs and a fire fighter has a huge hose. If you want to look hot AND celebrate the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, go as a member of our armed forces! Activists are always sexy. The plus with these costumes is that you can find variations with skirts, pants or shorts. So you can stay in your comfort zone and rock it out.

Stud? Boi? Femme? How can a costume exist that everyone can wear? Here it is! (via http://www.3wishes.com)

Gangsta

Lesbians love hats. This costume has a fedora. You love it, your girlfriend loves it, even your ex-girlfriend loves it but she’ll never tell YOU about it. She’s not gonna give you the satisfaction. Sorry! If you are a huge playa, this is the costume for you. Ladies love a bad girl.

You want this fedora. I know you do. Just admit it, girl. (via http://www.3wishes.com)

Superhero

Queer girls can kick ass. What better way to show that on Halloween than by dressing up as your favorite superhero! Wonderwoman is a classic and a great choice for raven haired ladies. Supergirl is good for blondes and Catwoman is good for EVERYBODY.

It can also be good for couples. Want to know my dream couple Halloween costume? Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn from Batman. As I’ve mentioned on this blog before, I’m going to be a pirate this year. What are you going as? Are you doing any cute couple/group themes? Let me know about it in the comments!

Who's going to dress up with me next year?! (via http://www.comicvine.com)

The Minority Report: Hair Uncut

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bisexual, body image, coming out, Dating, femme, friends, girls, Hair, haircut, hairstyle, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, Queer, relationships, Sex

Do YOU think I look cray cray?

Have you ever had a moment when you realized you’re kind of insane? My moment came when I was watching back the first episode of my new webseries, “The Minority Report.” The webisode “stars” me and fellow blog-a-holic Cynthia, chatting about queer hair and what it means to our community in terms of visibility and hotness. I’ve been on camera before, I’ve done interviews with rock grrl band Hunter Valentine, various LGBT directors, actresses and comedians. The comedians are probably my favorite, they crack me up.

All these really required of me is to sit there, ask questions based on hours of bordering on obsessive research, listen to the answer and smile. It worked. It also cloaked me in the illusion of sanity. The Minority Report was my first time on camera not delivering a straight forward interview and next to my composed and thoughtful counterpart…I realized…that I’m a little out there.

Perhaps I should have been clued into this when my college sorority gave me the nickname “Quiet Riot” as in “You aren’t the loudest girl but everything you say is funny.” In sorority-land being “funny” isn’t a great thing. It’s much better to be skinny. It’s also better to be straight but I never got with that program either. I think I’m comfortable with my new found realization of the scope of my crazy.

Here’s the video so you can assess it for yourself:

Some reactions to this video have been:

1) Don’t cut your hair

2) You’re so stupid

3) You’re Quinn from Daria

4) Don’t cut your hair

What do you think of it? The next few episodes of The Minority Report feature a third “panelist” and is more like The View…but crazy. Like everything I’m even remotely involved in.

The Minority Report originally appeared here: http://bgalife.com/?p=1165 If you NEED more Natasia, you can check out my youtube page here: http://www.youtube.com/user/etane?feature=mhee

Gym-Timidation

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ballerina, beyonce, body image, brandi chastain, chelsea piers, fat, femme, gym, hot, lesbian, LGBT, model, new york sports club, paradise pirate, playboy, Queer, sasha fierce, sexy, soccer, work out, working out

Soccer players are hot. It's the law.

This morning I was working out and realized I was the only brunette. The girls running next to me were all blonde and lithe. One tall girl I work out with every day. I call her “Dayum Girl” as in “Dayum Girl, you are smokin’ hot!” or “Dayum Girl, you make me wish I could play sports so I could join your soccer team” or “Dayum Girl, I don’t know if I want to sleep with you or BE you.” (See my last post for more about that, apparently I have this problem a lot)

Dayum Girl really is on a soccer team, she’s also an aspiring model. There are a few of those. There are also a couple of Black Swan style ballerinas. Watching them use the treadmill bars to stretch before and after a workout is pretty exciting. (Umm not that I’m watching) I would expect to be surrounded by those types of girls at say Chelsea Piers or NY Sports Club, which boasts Beyonce as a member.

Do you think Bey works out as Beyonce or as Sasha Fierce?

Buuuuut I don’t belong to a fancy gym. I use the gym in my apartment building. It has a small weight room, plenty of cardio machines and is walled in by mirrors and TVs. Which blows for someone like me, who avoids mirrors at any and all costs.

There are a few reasons I avoid mirrors:

– My Sicilian grandmother believes that if you look at a mirror in the dark, the devil will come out.

– I saw that movie “Candyman” waaaay too young. The way it works is, if you say Candyman into a mirror three times he will come out and then bees will sting you to death while he watches or something. I don’t know but it left a lasting impression, okay? I’m a scaredy cat. Deal.

Nooo not bees!

– I don’t like looking at myself. At all. Body image issues blah blah blah. I can barely look in the mirror long enough to get my hair or makeup done and even that I prefer doing in as little light as possible. Sound crazy? Yes. But haven’t you been reading this blog long enough to know that already?

I have to go to the gym. I love eating and if I didn’t hit the gym hard, I would probably qualify to be a contestant on the Biggest Loser. Now that Halloween is coming up I’m in panic mode. Why? Because I’ve committed to wearing this costume:

Whhhhhat was I thinking?

So yeah. Working out everyday.

Deep, deep down I'm actually insecure...pssssssych!

So every morning I am surrounded by blonde models and ballerinas and mirrors. I choose to look at it this way: if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em. If you stop going to the gym because you feel like you are being judged on not being at the End Game of your fitness, you will never get there. And I bet if you asked any of those models at the gym, you would find out they are insecure too.

…Okay, that was totally a lie. They know they are hot. But you get the point. Gym-timidation: The best way to conquer it is to fake it till you make it.

Am I Attracted To You Or Do I Want To Be You? #LesbianProblems

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advice, attraction, bisexual, bound, Brooklyn, corky, Dating, femme, friends, gina gershon, girls, in the club, Katherine Moennig, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, metropolitan, Queer, relationships, Sex, Shane, The L word, tough girls, violet

Are you a Violet who needs a Corky? Or do you want to be Corky?

I always talk about shaking up my look. I look like your average semi-corporate good girl. But lately I’ve been craving loads of black eyeliner, piercings and tattoos. Oh and possibly shaving a section of my waist-length hair. Just because.

I was at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan bar and all the women I thought were the most attractive were edgy…with loads of black eyeliner, piercings, tattoos and asymmetrical haircuts. “You like tough girls,” my friend pointed out. That’s  when I realized…I don’t know if I’m attracted to tough girls or if I want to BE a tough girl.

Do you want to feel Shane today or do you want to feel up Shane today? It's a pretty tough call.

It makes sense that people would be attracted to people who have qualities they admire. Some women are drawn to the man who is the life of the party or has a great sense of humor. But this is a more multi-layered problem for gays. Do you want to make out with the girl who’s the center of attention or do you want everyone’s eye on you? Do you want to make out with the girl in the gray knit cap or do you want to steal it when she takes it off and goes to the bathroom?

Here’s a quiz I’ve devised so you can figure out if you are genuinely into your crush or  if you want to jack her swag.

1. You look over at your crush, she’s talking to another girl. You think:

a. Oh man, the girl she’s talking to is super hot.

b. I’m soooo much cuter than that girl.

c. Threesome anyone?

2. You and your crush strike up a conversation, she keeps making you crack up. You think: 

a. I WISH I had jokes like that!

b. She’s so funny, she would write great vows for our wedding.

c. ZOMG, you’re so funny it’s making me take my top off.

3. Your crush is on the dance floor with her friends, you go over and: 

a. Challenge her to a dance off.

b. Use your smile to lure her over to you and then impress her with your dance moves.

c. Grind with her then turn around and do the Jersey Turnpike.

Do you think we're starting to look too much alike?

If you got mostly A’s: You’re a swacker! You want to be this girl, not date her. If you two dated, you would become that lesbian couple that dresses the same and starts looking the same and that’s just so weird. Just be friends with her okay?

Mostly B’s: Congrats! It’s a real crush. Now go out there and try not to bring a U-haul or a cat to the second date.

Mostly C’s: You’re kinda slutty. I like that, lez be friends.

Have any of you ever had this problem? Is it worse for lesbians? Do you think you can want to be like someone and still be genuinely into pursuing a relationship with them?

Vlog: Ask the Femme: She’s a Sports Freak!

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baseball, break up, compromise, Dating, fans, femme, girlfriend, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Love, Queer, relationships, Sex, sports, sportsfans, yankees

Heeeerreee's the Femme!

Want to know what to do when your girlfriend needs to watch every single baseball game and you can’t take another ballgame? This Ask the Femme vlog is an oldie but a goodie. With baseball fever in full swing, especially here in NYC with the Yankees duking it out for a chance at the World Series, I thought it was timely. Timely like a mofo. Enjoy!

This video originally appeared on http://www.lezgetreal.com

Have a question for me? Message me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/natasiarose or Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com