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Hot Femme in the City

Category Archives: Celebrities

Interview with Musician Sierra West

24 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Celebrities, Music, Sexy Ladies

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Alternative Rock, animal, artist, Break ups, Celebrities, coming out, ellen, Entertainment, healing, Interview, joan baez, lesbian, LGBT, Love, music, Queer, relationship, Sierra West, U Haul

Image courtesy of http://www.sierrarocks.com

Sierra West is the latest talented queer lady to hit the music scene hard. West released her latest LP, “Hold Your Fire” in early September. Her sound is soothing, with an edge and her lyrics are sprinkled with metaphors referencing nature. West turned to music after the sudden loss of her brother to a drunk driver and her pain, love and hope is reflected in her sound. The openly lesbian animal lover chatted with me about music, break-ups, U-hauls and animals. What more could you want in a gay lady interview?!

Hot Femme: When did you discover your passion for music?

Sierra West: I’ve always loved living and creating music. I suppose it became my passion in high school after a difficult break-up.  However, it became my career focus at UVM in Chittenden Hall when my new friend Dawn made me play in the hallway for all the girls on our floor. I never had so much fun. I later became one of the first performers at Radio Bean (Burlington, VT), which was quite a change from secretly playing and writing in my room at home. I have been playing out ever since. I will always be a writer and musician, perhaps I always was.

HF: What was your first song about?

SW: My Aunt Joanie secretly taped me singing in my room when I was around the age of 5. She mailed me the tape for my 18th birthday and one song was about my best friend Brooke, her older sister, and gymnastics. It’s pretty funny. I wrote other songs in 8th grade that were more environmental. I remember submitting to a magazine as a school assignment in which Jackson Browne would cover the song if it won. Mine was not chosen, but it was about saving dolphins and I bet it made someone smile.

HF: You’ve mentioned that Joan Baez and Bob Dylan are two of your most important musical influences, what is it about their music that you relate too?

SW: I really connect with the raw content, the lyrics, and the history behind the stories. They are the artists who opened my eyes to folk music. Actually, Ani DiFranco made me aware of folk artists like Woody Guthrie and Utah Phillips much along the same path. They were creating a movement, a community, a way of living. They didn’t just write songs, they changed lives…and still do.

Image courtesy of http://www.sierrarocks.com

HF: You’re here and queer; has that had any impact on your music?

SW: Absolutely, it keeps it interesting. In fact, I have performed at several Dyke March Fundraisers and opened for a few drag shows. One more recently in Northampton, MA called “Suicide is a Drag” for the Mass Coalition for Suicide Prevention. Being “here and queer” requires combating a lot of hatred, fear, and loneliness. It is important to be open and help other people feel supported and less alone.

HF: You’re a super huge animal lover, working as a vet tech and donating regularly to animal shelters….which is pretty par for the course for lesbians. Why do you think we all love animals so much?

SW: I actually never correlated the two together aside from knowing how much Ellen DeGeneres supports animal causes, but now that you ask I can see why. I wanted to be a veterinarian since I was four years old, but I didn’t realize I was queer until my senior year in high school. I can’t speak for everyone, but I imagine it is because animals usually don’t judge people or discriminate against them. They love unconditionally. Judgment comes with a history of abuse or trauma. I think it is our duty to speak for them and help calm their fear. We practice compassion and forgiveness because we are challenged on a daily basis. We combat fear every day.

HF: Have you ever U-hauled with a girlfriend and then written a song about it?

SW: I haven’t, but I did just U-haul all the way across the country for love. Maybe now is the time for that song to come out!

HF: To take a serious turn, fans may not know this, but you lost your brother to a drunk driver suddenly when you were a teenager. How has music helped you heal from your loss?

SW: Music is the only thing that keeps me sane when I think about it. I not only lost a brother and all of the friends we shared at the time, but I lost my unconditional best friend for life. The healing is never complete; it just changes form and reveals itself in new ways. He was a musician as well, an extraverted, fun-loving people person. I was very shy and quiet, but we shared music all the time. I know we would be performing together if he were here. He is with me every time I sing.

HF: Which songs (both of yours and in general) would you recommend for people who are suffering from the loss of a loved one?

SW: I wrote a song called “21” for Jay when I was 17 on my self-made album Depleted Oxygen. I have written others, but have yet to put them on an album. The three songs that currently jump out at me are “Send Me On My Way” by Rusted Root (which was dedicated to him at a live show the summer after it happened), “Horses” by Rickie Lee Jones, and “Goodbye” by Patty Griffin. In general, anything that gets the emotions out.

HF: Your latest album, “Hold Your Fire,” was released earlier this month. What are some of the themes you explore and what message do you want listeners to walk away with.

SW: I explore various themes, but the most important message from the album comes from “Good Enough” because it deals with rejection and self-doubt. My favorite line from that song is “you want the castle, but not the sand”. I want listeners to overcome not being accepted. If a person doesn’t like you, a college doesn’t accept you, a radio station won’t play you, a job falls through, you don’t get picked for the team, or you don’t win the contest of your dreams or get the gig…just keep trying. Someone will think you’re good enough the way you are if you keep trying. It’s about stamina.

HF: You recently moved from Boston to San Diego, where can locals go to hear you?

SW: I will be attending and volunteering at the Independent Music Conference in LA October 18-21st (http://www.indiemusicon.com) and attending the HMMA as a nominee for “Hold Your Fire” (http://www.hmmawards.org) in LA November 15th. As a new artist unfamiliar with the area, I will explore the open mic circuit, especially at LeStat’s Coffee House on Tuesday nights. I will have a performance with ListenLocalSD (http://www.listenlocalsd.com) in the future and am very excited to build a fan base here. I hope to become well acquainted with the Belly Up (about a ten-minute walk from my new home) and have a community much like the one I had back east at Passim. For now, the best way to hear my music is online through my website, which will connect you to me through any link of your choice (http://www.sierrarocks.com).

Going Down in the Kitchen with Chef Michele Ragussis

04 Tuesday Sep 2012

Posted by natasiarose in Celebrities, Food!, Sexy Ladies

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Celesbian, Chopped, cooking, Creamed Corn, Food Network, gay, Interview, lesbian, LGBT, Michele Ragussis, New England, Next Food Network Star, reality tv, Recipe, Scallops, Top Chef, TV, Vlog

Hot Femme and with a Hot Chef

I’m so excited to announce my partnership with Lesbian.com! The perks of being one of their correspondents is that I get to do great interviews, like the one I just did with Chef Michele Ragussis.

Most people know chef Michele Ragussis for the sunny personality and wicked knife skills she demonstrated during her run on the “Next Food Network Star.” While she didn’t land in the top spot, the Connecticut-born, Brooklyn-based chef finished in the top three and won over scads of devoted fans with her homey New England cooking style.

“Next Food Network Star” is Ragussis’ most recent claim to fame, but it wasn’t her first turn in a reality television kitchen – you may have seen her as a contender on “Chopped” or “24 Hour Restaurant Battle.”

If you want to talk culinary credentials, Michele is of Italian/Greek descent and was born with a love of food flowing through her veins. A Johnson & Wales graduate, she has over 15 years of restaurant experience and is currently lending her talents to The Pearl restaurant in Maine.

Michele Ragussis

Chef Michele Ragussis

In this exclusive video interview Michele dishes on behind the scenes happenings on “Next Food Network Star,” tells us why she thinks so many female chefs are lesbians and shares what she has in store for the future –all while demonstrating how to make a delicious seared scallops with New England style creamed corn dish. Seared scallops and creamed corn

Seared Scallops and New England Creamed Corn

Ingredients:

8 scallops
8 ears corn on the cob
Fresh basil
Heavy cream
Sugar
Olive oil
Salt & pepper to taste

Directions:

Shuck ears of corn and slice the kernels off the cob. Add olive oil to sauté pan and heat. Add corn and salt and pepper to taste. Let cook for a few minutes and then add enough heavy cream to cover the corn. Increase heat and add a handful of sugar, Allow to cook until cream reduces, approximately another 25 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add some chopped fresh basil and cook for another 5 minutes.

While corn is cooking, heat a pan with olive oil and sear the scallops on both sides until they are golden brown.

To serve, spoon creamed corn onto plate, arrange four scallops on the creamed corn, and garnish with fresh basil. Makes a great romantic dinner for two!

This post originally appeared on Lesbian.com

Interview with the cast of “Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same”

14 Monday Nov 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Celebrities, Sexy Ladies

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

actress, actresses, Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same, director, film, Interview, lesbian, LGBT, Love, MoMa, movies, Queer, relationships, sundance, writer

Can we please stop talking about porn now?...please?

Sooo as some of you know, over the summer I found out that the publisher of the website I was working for was actually a 60 year old man pretending to be a widowed deaf lesbian with twins.

Yeah. What less people know, is that three days before this story broke I did a great interview with writer/director Madeleine Olnek and actresses Lisa Haas and Jackie Monahan. Olnek wrote and directed the independent film “Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same” and Lisa Haas stars as the hapless humanoid that falls in love with said lesbian alien and Jackie Monahan plays alien Shane, basically. Who knew even aliens could feel Shane today?

The interview is hilarious, these ladies are funny, quick and intelligent. I had some trouble keeping them in line. Watch the interview! Do it!

Codependent Lesbian Space Alien has been making the film festival rounds and now it has come back around to NYC. You have two chances to see it at MoMA New Yorkers:

Saturday, November 19 at 6:00 pm: Codependent Lesbian Space Alien

Seeks Same @ The Celeste Bartos Theater (T3)

Monday, November 21 at 8:15 pm: Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks

Same @ The Roy & Niuta Titus Theater 2 (T2)

For more information on when/where you can see the film visit:

www.codependentlesbianspacealienseekssame.com

Bad Lesbian Halloween Costumes

27 Thursday Oct 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Ask the Femme, Beauty, Celebrities, Sexy Ladies, Social Disease

≈ 26 Comments

Tags

bad halloween costumes, bisexual, breakup, catholic schoolgirl, costumes, Dating, drinking, femme, friends, Halloween, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Lilo, Lindsay Lohan, prisoner, Queer, relationships, Samantha Ronson, SamRo, Sex, sexy, Yoga Instructor

samantha ronson lindsay lohan Pictures, Images and Photos

Remember how cute they were together?Not anymore. Totes dunzo.

I know, I know. There’s a lot of Halloween going on “up in this bitch” as the kids say. BUT, I can’t get enough Halloween. I have to say, Halloween is a great time to impress your crush with how hot/creative you are. I know some of you who thought my costume ideas were really inside the box (pun intended) have a few awesome, creative ideas for Halloween costumes. I’m sure they are going to be wunderbar but we need to talk about costumes that you should avoid wearing this Halloween.

Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson

Ok, the urge to dress like these two can be strong. Especially is you are coupled up. However, it’s better to avoid dressing as these two. First of all, they haven’t been happy together since like 2006, so it’s all a little dated. These days SamRo is quietly dating a yoga instructor and steering clear of Lindsay whenever possible. Lilo went all stalkerazzi on Sam and bought an apartment in the same complex as her and it was all embarrassing and weird. Which is kind of a downer. Meanwhile, Lindsay’s problems are getting worse and worse AND the media is treating her like public enemy number one for really no reason. Does anyone even remember what she did? Yes, she’s a trainwreck, but she also never hurt anyone and there are plenty of celebrities who have, who are jail free. (I’m looking at you Charlie “McDomestic Violence” Sheen) So let’s leave Lindsay alone. NEXT!

Prisoner

Sometimes, the difference between sexy and trashy is obvious. Exhibit A.

Chances are, if you a blond/redhead and dress up as a prisoner everyone is going to think you are Lindsay Lohan anyway. And we’ve already discussed the reasons that isn’t good. You also have two choices for this costume, either bright orange or black and white horizontal stripes. As everyone knows, horizontal stripes are hard to pull off. But let’s say you are hot enough to pull it off- horizontal stripes in black and white might make the drunk girl you are drunkenly chatting up dizzy enough for the night to end with you holding her hair back. That’s not sexy. And bright orange? That color looks good on maybe 10% of the population. Soooo just say no to crime or drugs or whatever.
Catholic Schoolgirl

I’m not going to front like this costume isn’t sexy. It’s crazy sexy! But, it’s not really for Halloween. It’s just been done to death. It’s

I know what you're thinking. "Ooo it lights up so maybe this one is different!" No, no it's not. There will still be hordes of Catholic Schoolgirls who look just like you.

dead and gone, dead and gone. Like the love between SamRo and Lilo. That’s sad. Save this costume for when you and your lady are looking to spice things up in the bedroom.

Tampon/MaxiPad/Skidmark

Believe it or not, these costumes happen. Frequently. I’m not even going to include a picture, but if you are really curious Google it. For those of you who wear these costumes, listen up! You aren’t funny, you just make everyone want to barf all the Halloween candy they scarfed. You lose. No girls for you.

If you were planning on wearing any of these costumes, return it and try again!

Ask the Femme: The Real L Word Edition

18 Thursday Aug 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Ask the Femme, Celebrities, Sexy Ladies

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

ask the femme, bisexual, Celebrities, femme, friends, lesbian, lesbians, LGBT, Queer, reality tv, Sex, Stereotypes, The Real L Word, trashy, TV

Real L Word Pictures, Images and Photos

This is the way, it's the way that we...lie topless in a heap?

I get a lot of questions about The Real L Word. Even though I only watched two or three episodes of season two, I devoted about 100 hours to thought, discussion and recapping the first season. Also, Rose from season one called me a bitch on Facebook and Nikki and Jill second that emotion, which means I’m still qualified to answer your questions. I’ve compiled a list of my most popular Real L Word questions into one post, for your convenience. Let us continue to beat this dead beaver into the cold, cold ground.

Are the Real L Word girls on Facebook?

Yes, yes they are.


Real L Word Pictures, Images and Photos

Mikey is probably the only person in this picture who wouldn't punch me in the face. So she's my fav.

Can I friend them?

You can try, but most of them are at or are close to the 5000 friend limit or value their privacy. Many of them have fan Facebook pages, where you can “like” them and keep on top of their comings and goings and sometimes see pics of them naked/in bikinis. Yay!

Are they on Twitter?

Yes, google search their names plus twitter and it will pop up. I would list it for you but I’m lazy.

Can you tell me what Whitney’s tattoo’s mean?

No, see above lazy comment.

Do you have any pictures of Whitney lying down naked?

BOOTYBAR CLUB SKIRTS Pictures, Images and Photos

Fuck yea #Romiboobs!

Um no. How would I get those?! I don’t have any personal pictures of any of the women. You can try to get your own by going to one of the queer parties they frequent. One of my readers even saw boobs.

How do the girls on The Real L Word have sex?

Dude, you are obvs a str8 person who wants me to describe lesbian sex to you. just watch the show! They will show you how they do it. You don’t need to hear it from me or any other lesbian. Please, never ask a lesbian you meet in real life this question, it’s really insulting/annoying/creepy.

What do lesbians think of The Real L Word?

Dear Str8 Person- this is a completely reasonable and respectful question to ask. Thanks for restoring my faith in humanity. Okay, I can’t speak for everyone. From what I see, most younger (teen-20ish) lesbians love it and aspire to live it. The 25-35 bracket loves to hate it and when we are at our worst, we can admit that sometimes…it is disturbingly accurate of all the crazy. The 35plus bracket is too smart to watch this crap.

Natalie Hornedo Pictures, Images and Photos

Maybe if Natalie had come back for season 2, I would have watched.

I have to admit that I love trashy reality TV and I’m addicted to it like a mofo. The first season of The Real L Word lagged in terms of interesting storylines and for some reason the second season just didn’t keep my attention. I can’t pinpoint the exact reason why.

My main problem with the show is that I don’t like that it shows the full blown act of sex. Most reality shows just imply it, but for some reason, the lone lesbian reality TV show has explicit porno scenes. In the original series, “The L Word,” there is a scene where Jenny’s book, “Les Girls” is being made into a movie. The str8 male director wants the actresses to actually have real sex, instead of just simulating it, like most movies. Jenny and Tina are disgusted, roll their eyes and nix the idea. Maybe Ilene Chaiken forgot about that scene, as she is the creator of both series. It’s great to have representation on TV, but we aren’t being treated like everyone else and that really grinds my gears.

If you have any Real L Word comments or questions, get them out of your system in the comments!

Kissing Kelly Kapowski

04 Thursday Aug 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Am I a jerk?, Celebrities, Coming Out, Sexy Ladies, Social Disease

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

90's, childhood, femme, gay, jessie spano, kelly kapowski, kids, late bloomer, lesbians, LGBT, lisa turtle, nostalgia, Queer, saved by the bell, screech, Sex, slater, Stereotypes, tiffany amber theissen, TV, zach morris

scared cat Pictures, Images and Photos

Please don't judge me

Do you guys want to know something really embarrassing? Like…really embarrassing? Cuuuuuzz. I’ll put it out there, if you want me too. Technically, I “realized” I was queer at 20 and started coming out when I was 21. BUT. I should have known I was gay when I was 9. Why?…because I was in love with Kelly Kapowski.

kelly kapowski Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm majorly, butt crazy in love with Kelly!

The year was 1993 and Saved by the Bell was huge. All the girls in your elementary school class could be divided into two groups: Girls Who Like Zach and Girls Who Like Slater. I didn’t like either. I internally labeled myself a “late bloomer” and just agreed with whoever was asking me.

“Who do you like?”
“Umm you tell me first, then I’ll tell you.”

I thought I was pretty sneaky but I don’t think I ever completely fooled anyone.

I would close my eyes and try to imagine kissing skinny blond Zach. Okay, that didn’t work. So I would close my eyes and try to imagine kissing burly, muscle-y Slater. So while the other little girls in my school would dream about the hunks of Saved by the Bell…I thought about Kelly.

Let me set the scene. It’s winter and Kelly and I stay after school to finish a project. But we don’t realize how late it’s getting. Oh no! We accidentally get trapped in the classroom and there’s no one else in the building! Oh no! And it’s getting cold because the head is turned off! What should we do? Cuddle to stay warm of course. And then umm…I have to kiss her because she’s scared.  Cuz I’m a chivalrous femme like that.  So yeah, maaaybbeee not such a late bloomer.

saved by the bell Pictures, Images and Photos

"The 90's" aka "The Golden Age of Fashion"

There it is. The universe put a pretty brunette with a  high-waist jeans/suspenders combo in front of my face and screamed “YOU LIKE THIS” and I still didn’t get it.

Even then I felt guilty for liking the most vapid cast member. I should have liked the feminist “don’t call me a chick, chick” Jessie Spano or at least the shrewd, if materialistic, Lisa Turtle. Instead I went for the vapid pretty chick.

Eek. So embarrassing.

Dear Femmes: Don’t Cut Your Hair This Summer

22 Wednesday Jun 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Beauty, Celebrities, Sexy Ladies, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

bisexual, body image, Celebrities, Extensions, femme, Hair, lesbian, LGBT, Queer, Summer

Alice Pictures, Images and PhotosEvery summer girlie mags everywhere scream “SHORT HAIR IS IN” at us and provide examples of celebrities with cute short locks. “THIS IS WHAT YOUR HAIR NEEDS TO LOOK LIKE.”

Ladies, don’t fall for it. Here’s why:

1) Your girlfriend loves your long hair. She does, I know it, you know it and she hates whenever you talk about cutting it short. Now, you shouldn’t wear/look a certain way to make your partner happy. But you want her to be hot for you right? Just take her feelings into consideration.

2) In the Fall, guess what length of hair will be back in? Long! The same celebrities you saw sporting short hair two months ago will all of a sudden have hair that flows down to their waists. How do they grow their hair that long in just two months? They don’t. They buy thousands of dollars worth of hair extensions. Single women in their 20s are the most likely people to file for bankruptcy. Probably because we spend our money on fashion, beauty needs & hair extensions.

Here is what you should do instead of cutting your hair this summer:

1) Keep it trimmed by going to your hairstylist on the regular. Six to eight weeks is optimal.

2) Buy a hair masque or oil treatment from your local drugstore. Don’t get anything too fancy, you can find great Garnier, Herbal Essences or Suave products for under five bucks. Shiny hair always looks great in the summer, but it won’t just happen on it’s own.

2) Style it instead of cutting it. There are a million different ways to rock out even a simple ponytail. Play with low pony’s, high ponys, pony’s with a part, double ponies. Play with bobbypins to see what hairstyles look good on your face.

3) Invest in a good hot barrel curler. Soft loose curls and sexy waves are always popular in the summer and it’s an easy, no fuss way to look great at the beach.

Have fun and stay beautiful this summer.

The Top 5 Misconceptions Straight People Have Because of the Real L Word

15 Wednesday Jun 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Celebrities, Sexy Ladies, Social Disease

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Dating, Hats, lesbian, Love, Sex, Stereotypes, Tats, The Real L Word, TV

The DVD image for The Real L Word is Scissors...homo they didn't.

It’s Real L Word Season! The second season of this groundbreaking reality show starts June 5th on Showtime. It’s been great for lesbian visibility…but I’m beginning to think that it’s giving straight people the wrong impression. It’s impossible for any show to capture the diversity that exists in our community. So lets take a chill pill and laugh at some of the stereotypes that can be drawn from the franchise we love to hate and hate to love!

1) 90% of all lesbians are hair/makeup artists. How the hell did Illene Chaiken even find so many lesbian hair/makeup artists? Alyssa, Whitney, Romi, Sara, Raquel, etc. Apparently, that’s the field to get into if you want to be a trendy lez.

2) We all have tattoos, at least a half sleeve. I have none! But everyone in the Real L Word universe seems to have millions. The end credits should include the names of their tattoo artists. I’m looking for a good one.

3) Lesbians love hats. This is especially true in the upcoming season of the show. Romi is rocking a pork pie, Cori loves her ascot, Sara only wears bowlers and a smile and Whitney will put anything on her head. Ok fine, maybe this one is actually true.

4) We love having sex on camera! For everyone to see! Sorry to burst your bubble straight male popular. We actually don’t.

5) We don’t have straight girlfriends. Actually we do! They are great because we can’t sleep with them and complicate our lives. So next time you see a lesbian say hi, we are a friendly peoples.

Did I leave anything out? What other misconceptions do you think people have because of the Real L Word?

Song Lyrics That Crack Me Up While I’m Dancing in “Da Club”

09 Thursday Jun 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Celebrities, Music, Sexy Ladies

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Bubba Sparxxx, dancing, dumb, grinding, in the club, lesbians, Lloyd, Ludacris, Missy Elliot, Omarion, R. Kelly, Ying Yang Twins

lesbians Pictures, Images and PhotosHave you ever been out dancing with your girls, maybe grinding up on a hot lady and a song comes on that has a hot beat so your shaking what yo momma gave ya and then all of a sudden… BAM. The ‘singer,’ yes I do use that term loosely, sings something so funny, you break out laughing like an idiot? Ok, maybe that’s just me. But I bet some of you crack a smile when you are listening to those dumb lyrics. So, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite, “Did he really just sing that? Did you hear that too?” moments.
7. Lay it Down- Lloyd Featuring R. Kelly & Jeezy
R. Kelly: And I ain’t got no rhyme for the next part/I ain’t got no rhyme for the next part/But that’s okay because this is the remix
This is R Kelly’s first appearance on the list (he will be back, don’t worry).

Look Kelly (R?), it’s not okay because this is the remix. There need to be words to a song to make it a song. That’s what a song is. This is just so ridiculously lazy that I love it.
6. Ludacris- How Low Can You Go
 Lower than yo’ momma ever seen it in her lifetime/ Never would’ve imagined did not even in her right mind
Excuse me Mr. Luda, but you have NO idea how low my momma has seen people go in her lifetime and I resent the implication that she has not. Judging from the pictures of her from the 70s in Lucite heels and a pink plastic mini-dress, I would say she’s seen people get low, sir. I bid you good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.

5. Missy Elliot- Backwards
Boys, boys all types of boys, black, white, Puerto Rican, Chinese boys

It’s funny cuz she’s gay. In my head, what she’s really saying is: Bois, bois all types of bois, black, white, Puerto Rican, but not bio boys. There, now the song makes sense. Yay.

4. R. Kelly- Echo
I called your boss and he knows you ain’t comin in today (Sex in the morning sex all day)
Okay, first, how did R. Kelly get your boss’s phone number? Can you imagine if R. Kelly called your boss and told him you weren’t coming in? Like, “Oh, Hi Mr. Kelly, I can’t believe you are calling me, I…she won’t be in? Why?… Ooooh, sex all day? You say… Ok, I understand… Actually, I’m on the Viagra now, so I really don’t think it would be a good idea. You crazy kids have fun and be safe, you know what Kanye says about 18 years.”

My last boss’s ring tone was ‘Blame it on the Alcohol’ by TI. So I’m pretty sure she would have been down with me taking off to bang R. Kelly, I think I’m too old for him though.
3. Omarion- Ice Box

I got this ice box where my heart used to be/ I’m so cold/ I’m so cold/I’m so cold
I love when this song is played in a hot, sweaty club where all the women are gyrating together and screaming about how cold they are. If you are so cold why is your back-sweat getting all over me? Which I guess tells you something about the way I dance.
2. Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins- Miss New Booty
I found you, Miss New Booty

Sometimes I pick up the phone and someone is singing into it, “I found you, Miss New Booty.” That would be my sister. We were rockin the big booties when J-Lo made it popular, thank goodness for that.

As my sister and I were listening to the song, Miss New Booty, she said, “Can you imagine if some guy said that you, like Oh, wow, I found you Miss. New Booty, that booty is so new.” And a running family joke was born. So Miss New Booty has a place near and dear to my heart.
R KeLly Pictures, Images and Photos
1. R. Kelly- Trapped in the Closet
God please, don’t let this man open this closet/He walks up to the closet/He goes up to the closet/Now he’s at the closet/Damn he’s opening the closet…

No, this isn’t a song about closeted gays coming out. This song is one of a series, yes a series, about a man (Kelly) who is ‘bangin a ho,’ I believe is the correct terminology, who has a live in boyfriend. When the boyfriend comes home, she tells Kelly to hide in the closet. The girl is all nice to her bf and he doesn’t suspect anything, but then Kelly’s phone rings and he is caught hiding in the closet. That my friends, is where the story really begins, but where the song ends.
If you are dying to know how this operatic saga continues, well Kelly escapes out the window and they have a chase reminiscent of Harrison Ford in The Fugitive. Guns are involved as well as the police and Brother Twan. Someone gets shot, I think the live in boyfriend but honestly, it’s hard to keep the characters of this melodrama straight. Also, the girl was lying about her real name the whole time. So that makes it worse. Either way, I die every time I hear this song and I hope you do too!

I’m a Lesbian and I Don’t Want to Bang a Victoria’s Secret Model

01 Wednesday Jun 2011

Posted by natasiarose in Am I a jerk?, Celebrities, Sexy Ladies, Social Disease

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

body image, boobs, gumby, lesbian, models, thin, Victoria Secret

victoria secret fashion show 1 Pictures, Images and Photos

An Angel? Or Gumby with wings?

I know, I know. You don’t believe me, I barely believe me, but it’s true. I was watching TV with a friend, Sara, last week and a commercial for Victoria Secret came on. “You know,” Sara said, “Those women make me feel really bad about my body.” I was shocked. Not shocked that she “had a moment” because we all have those moments. Sometimes I see a beautiful woman and I’m like, “well, I might as well shoot myself in the face cuz obvs, there is no point in trying.”

Sara is beautiful, with long straight blonde hair that flows to her waist and at 5’5” she is only a size two. I’m not saying she looks anything like those Victoria Secret models, but if one of us was going to feel like crap, it should have been me. Not her.

But it’s not. Wanna know why? I don’t think those bitches are that attractive. I don’t want to look like them and I would never have sex with any of them. Yes, obviously I’m wrong. I can’t be right because men & other lesbians drool over them and straight women want to look like them. Still, I think they look like Gumby. Remember? The little claymation or whatever it was green guy and he had an orange horse friend. I think his name was Pokey. Yeah, they look like that. Their torsos are long and thin and their thighs are miles away from touching and they look like they have softballs sewn onto their tiny childlike chests. That’s not my type.

Don’t get me started on their faces. Okay, you got me started. They look exactly the same! They all have high cheekbones that could slice your thighs into ribbons (ahem, were their faces to ever be near that area). They are covered in make-up (or painted three inches thick, if you are an embittered prince who’s uncle killed his father and married his mother) and they are all white. If they aren’t white, they are airbrushed until they have Caucasian skin coloring and just a hint of their ethnic features. Leading us back to the beginning of this rant, they all look the same! Why don’t they just get one model and play with her face on photoshop? They would save a lot of dough. (Call me Vicki Sec’s, I’m totes available for consultation work)

Snark Break: a few years ago one of the models died of a heart attack related to anorexia. She stopped eating to keep her job and it cost her the rest of her life. That’s not funny and it’s certainly not sexy.

I know this isn’t the first rant about models and society’s obsession with thinness. But the fact that my gorgeous friend would feel less gorgeous because of these women makes me sad and angry. They shouldn’t be held up as an ideal and we can all start making that change by changing ourselves. If we don’t respond to these images, they can’t hurt us and maybe **gasp** they will go away.

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